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Smegma Preservation Is So "Progressive"

San Francisco wants to vote on banning circumcisions of baby boys/anything birthed by Rosie O'Donnell, and now interest in it is spreading across the country...apparently...

(Matthew "I really really REALLY need a life") Hess has created similar legislation for states across the country, but those measures never had much traction. Now he is fielding calls from people who want to organize similar movements in their cities.

“This is a conversation we are long overdue to have in this country,” he said. “The end goal for us is making cutting boys’ foreskin a federal crime.

See the full story here

Don't let the NYT article fool you, this guy has followers that number in the HUNDREDS on Facebook and Twitter. So I guess it's a major victory for what he calls "intactivism" that he managed to get a sensible place like San Francisco to finally hold a vote on what he calls "genital mutilation."

Considering my assumption that the city's namesake, Mr. Francisco, means he must be the patron saint of ass backwards (pun intended), I don't know if this is a victory for this looney toon so much as the people there finally got to that item on their fringe-to-do list.

I wonder if the bill will make exceptions for people who piss them off, for example, real "intactivists" we know and love as "pro-lifers." Far be it for the foreskin lobby to prevent the most tolerant people in the world from tearing into people who disagree with them like Christmas gift wrap.

It would be super awesome if people like Hess took even half of the energy they devote to making a medical procedure that spans millenia first cousins with crimes like kidnapping, and devote it to real childrens rights, like the right to live in the first place.

How does one find a calling like this? Was making manager at McDonalds too high of a bar for someone like Hess? Did some acid trip inspire the idea that smegma could cure cancer if only there was enough of it?

Honestly libs, this is progressive? We've progressed so far that the only crusade left to fight is the war on foreskin? What happened to "keep your laws off my body?"

If San Francisco votes this into law, this would be the perfect opportunity to revise that slogan, for the sake of clarity, to "keep your laws off my infanticidal cravings."

There's always silver lining to a liberal crap sandwich, isn't there?


No go on banning circumcision in the people's republic of Santa Monica.