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Donald Trump is Republican Scientology

Other than knowing it was pretty much started on a dare to L. Ron Hubbard, my understanding of the Church of Scientology is that I don't have any. None. It doesn't make any sense. Its illogical, and just because a bunch of celebrities flock to it for attention doesn't mean it deserves a seat at the religious roundtable.

In light of all of that, it's clear to me that Donald Trump is Republican Scientology, and I think it was born in a similar way....

Trump was sitting with some friends in a Manhattan penthouse one night a few weeks ago playing a drinking game where they have to take a shot every time someone mentions something good Obama has done.

After two hours of playing, the stone sober idiots decide to play catch up by shotgunning cans of whiskey (they exist). They succeed fabulously, and the members of the party not hooking up with his gold plated toilets proceed with other drinking games.

In a moment of drunken zeal Trump interrupts his turn during "charades," where he and his combover were doing a fantastically accurate impression of a bald Cousin It, to start an impromptu brainstorming session with the party on how to get taken more seriously.

Apparently the fragrance of C-list celebrity he has been wafting on himself since the first season of Celebrity Apprentice isn't filling his "serious" void. Thus he decides, drunkenly, that he needs a real challenge.

He takes a lot of suggestions that sound pretty good, but because everyone is too drunk the slurring is actually quite indecipherable to the sober ear. Frustrated, he walks to his hall of mirrors (having one is an unwritten requirement of being a legitimate billionaire narcissist), looks up at the mirror and sees his reflection through the strands of hair. Suddenly someone says...

I dare you to run for president with your checkered marital past and that silly hair....

to party attendee Newt Gingrich...but that was happening in the other room, and the Donald, naturally, assumed the person was referring to him.

So the damage is done, the race is on, and now the Republicans catapulting this doof into second place in the polls better be ready to explain to the country how this is different from the cult of personality that got Obama elected.