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Conservative Satire News February 14, 2011

Winning another straw poll Ron Paul hopes he has now won enough of them that the primary elections that he refers to as "the big bad wolf" wont blow it down so easily next time.

Nations liberals prepare to celebrate true love this year with Valentines festivities  that include a deluge of flowers, chocolates, and morning pills.

After submission of 3.7 trillion dollar budget Obama denies he "doesn't get it," pointing out that the unusually verbose title of this years budget is "The Number of Reasons, In Dollars, I Should Not Be Re-elected."

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Random Thought on Ron Paul Winning The CPAC Straw Poll

He kind of won by a lot too!

Where does this tiny but mightily vocal minority come from?!? Maybe you should go to work for Mr. Pibb. People will still prefer Dr. Pepper, but at least they'll know they have an option they'll never want.

Donald Trump isn't exactly my first, or millionth, choice for president, but he's smart enough to know what the rest of the country knows....Ron Paul ain't going be president!

Sorry if this upsets Paul supporters, but I'm pretty sure that in 2008 I got more votes than he did. You just don't know when to fold 'em do you?

But hey, congrats on winning a straw poll. That, Obama's hope and a nickel get you something just north of 5 cents.

On the bright side I guess its better than the pole strippers get (yes, I know theirs is spelled differently, just go with it).

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Candy Hearts For "Progressives"

Provided they're calorie free to appease the first lady here's a series of candy hearts "progressives" might give each other on Valentine's Day.

liberal candy heart

Please don't confuse this with "progressives candy asses"...which are completely indistinguishable from plain old "progressives".

Happy Valentine's Day!

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Liberals Shouldn't Have Power Until They Can Conquer Analogies

Maybe it's just me...

I don't know what it is with the left and analogies. I know that it's really hard impossible for them to make real arguments without employing logic irrational thought. So I've noticed they often resort to analogies as a clever way to make their point...

Fighting for peace is like f**king for virginity.

It's a line only a teleprompter could love

That was one of the star gems of used in their protests of the wars over the last decade (and maybe before that since I don't know when the acid trip that was the genesis of that brilliance actually was). It's too bad Hitler didn't think of a debate ending show stopper like that, he could've saved himself some war declarations.

Then there's this intellectual lockbox where liberals think this ...


Except for the generic crosshairs on a map representing congressional districts, the crosshairs that explicitly represent a gun being trained on Sarah Palin's forehead, and the clear line delineating the difference between the two, I can see where liberals would see the similarities.

Then there are analogies like the one supplied recently by David Corn, an editor over at Mother Jones took the opportunity to snipe at this years CPAC event with...

Calls on Obama to sign a repeal of #HCR. That's like calling on Newt to remarry wife No. 1. #cpac11

If you do a search for #CPAC11 on Twitter you'd find this is by far the most retweeted item on the subject, which leads me to one of my biggest pet peeves, being when liberals make such fantastically unrealistic comparisons and then congratulate themselves like they just won the special olympics. (I'm acutely aware of the fact that saying such a thing can be highly offensive to people involved in coordinating the special olympics, and I apologize for implying liberals would be good enough to compete.)

Seriously though, did these guys have a rough time on their SATs or something? A nation altering/bankrupting law is now like a failed marriage, and repealing it is like undoing its divorce? Needless to say this raises a few stupid questions:

    Did the tax payers have to pay for the divorce?

    What did the CBO say about its impact on the deficit?

    Was the approval rating for the divorce open to the general public or did this remain a private matter to the Gingrich family?

I'm not for a second interested in defending what Newt did, regardless of how long ago it happened and how much of a changed person he might be now. What he did to both of his first two wives is indefensible, but for someone like Corn to use that as a vehicle to end debate on whether or not ObamaCare's repeal is wrong, frankly, needs some semblance of intelligence before I could even try to elevate it to "unintelligent."

What's next? Are liberals going to try to tell us that Michael Moore isn't actually a fat tub of lard because his body is no more out of shape than Jack LaLanne's decomposing corpse?

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If Biden Could Be Eligible For Best "Actor"...

Note the quotes around "actor."

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Obama Comes Clean On Why He Ran For President

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Conservative Satire News February 11, 2011

After accusing the GOP of turning Capitol Hill into a "clogged toilet" Sheila Jackson Lee (D-TX) is that it was her party that was flushed in record numbers in the last election.

Standing accused of appeasing the Muslim Brotherhood Obama apologizes for the indiscretion and promises any possible perception of future support will be less ambiguous.

White House rejects the notion that Egypt's celebration of Mubarak's resignation is an example of the kind of hope other presidents can bring to their people.

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So Who's Ready for a President Trump?

When your brain is trying to juggle all of the Republican choices for president, Mitt, Palin, Pawlenty, Santorum...did you make any room in that noggin for...Donald Trump?

He told the crowd (at CPAC) that he would decide by June whether or not he would enter the Republican presidential primary. Trump said the Obama administration had badly bungled almost all aspects of policy – foreign and domestic.

“The United States has become a whipping post for the rest of the world,” he said. “The world is treating us without respect -- they are not treating us properly.”

See the rest (and even a video...ooooooh) at The Note

He's right that the world has lost respect for us. For eight years the left deluded themselves into thinking that all we needed was a president that would display a humility the rest of us knew would be taken as weakness. With each passing day the right is proven to be increasingly correct about this.

But, does Donald Trump really think he'd be the one to bring it? Maybe he could be a "respect consultant."

Or Respect Czar?

Come to think of it, why even bring government into the solution when a real conservative would just use their business acumen to parlay the idea into profit...

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Egypt is "Free"...Right?

It appears that Mubarak finally read the hieroglyphics the wall of his political sarcophagus. While this is good news for the people of Egypt, who no doubt must be happy they don't have to live under his thumb any longer, Wolverine at iOwnTheWorld provides a sober reminder.

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Conservative Satire News February 10, 2011

After postulating a possible run for president Donald Trump praises Ron Paul as a "good guy" but has "zero chance" to actually be elected president without a cool, huge comb over.

Donning fake glasses and taking an oddly serious tone, Biden speculates that Mubarak may actually be physically unable to actually "step aside" as Egypt's president because his advanced age may have caused him to forget how to "walk like an Egyptian."

The Director of National Intelligence issues a shocking statement admonishing people to know that the Muslim Brotherhood is a largely secular organization relative the Tea Party, or people who believe in global warming.

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