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Conservative Satire Headlines January 19, 2011

Democratic Congressman Steve Cohen compares GOP to Nazi's, adding the only thing missing is a cool, ubiquitous, Obama-esque logo.

GOP recklessly votes to repeal ObamaCare liberal protests that it's constitutional since it violates the "pursuit of happiness" promised in the Declaration of Independence.

Biden tells McCain that a retiring Joe Lieberman can't be considered for Secretary of Defense because he's never even been to the Mexican border.

Hawaii's governor expresses frustration that he can't find Obama's birth certificate, now understands how O.J. Simpson must have felt when searching for his wife's killer.

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The GOP Are Nazi Liars, and I Mean That in the Most Civilized Way Possible

Check out this lecture in civility from Democratic Congressman Steve Cohen on health care.

I feel the same exact way about his party calling themselves "progressives."

I contended that Politifact calling this the biggest lie of 2010 is total nonsense last month, you can see it again here.

I also argued "ObamaCare Repeal Will Expand the Deficit Like Unicorns Will Go Extinct" here.

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A State of the Union Preview

With less than a week to go experts have used computer modeling to project how it might go...

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Obama's Gift to China's President

Biden Christmas Card

If it's tough to read you can click the image to see a larger version.

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Conservative Satire Headlines January 18, 2011

Biden escorted from state dinner with Chinese president after "reminding" Hu that his paying for the meal doesn't mean he and Obama will put out.

Joe Lieberman will not seek reelection in order to spend more time with his family, blood libel.

Obama's call for an end to over-regulation met with praise from critics of the stimulus, ObamaCare, financial reform, cap and trade, and fat kids

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MSNBC's Most Useful Idiot

Maybe his application to the Fox News country club keeps getting rejected, but I don't know what the deal with Joe Scarborough is that he feels the need to be some kind of conservative rhetoric-mole for his lefty overlords.

Maybe that's just his station in life, but if he's sincere about his latest piece at Politico, "Moving past right-wing rhetoric," then he has a really funny way of saying "allow me."

But before you (referring to Glenn Beck) and the pack of right-wing polemicists who make big bucks spewing rage on a daily basis congratulate yourselves for not being responsible for Jared Lee Loughner’s rampage, I recommend taking a deep breath. Just because the dots between violent rhetoric and violent actions don’t connect in this case doesn’t mean you can afford to ignore the possibility — or, as many fear, the inevitability — that someone else will soon draw the line between them.

Actually, someone already has. When you get a minute, Google “Byron Williams” and “Tides Foundation” to see just how thin a layer of ice Beck skates on every day.

See his entire diatrabe at Politico (h/t Memeorandum)

I did Google Byron Williams, and I found this enlightening piece from Reason Magazine. If you don't want to read it I'll nutshell it for you:

Byron Williams was labeled "progressive hunter" (mocking Beck's use of the term) by Media Matters after police prevented him from killing members of the liberal Tides Foundation and ACLU in San Francisco.

He's a fan of Glenn Beck, who has attacked the Tides Foundation on his show, which draws a direct line to the point liberals were trying to safety pin (so nobody gets hurt) on conservatives last week via Jared Loughner.

Reason Magazine points out that Williams is a career criminal who already knew about the Tides Foundation before Beck ever mentioned it on his show and....

Williams is the one who decided to set out to San Francisco to kill some liberals, the same way he decided years earlier to set out to rob a bank.

An important part of maintaining civility is humility, this facilitates honesty, and people don't "heat up" when you replace the assembly line of lies with good faith arguments.

So maybe Joey should check his centrist pride at the door and Google Byron Williams himself before targeting Beck and popping off about Williams like he's....some kind of...smoking...guuuunnnnnn........I mean, safety pin?

I always wonder when people carp (usually with actual rage) about how crazy Beck and Palin are if they've spent even 5 minutes really listening to what they have to say. They "spew rage?" Yeah there are times when Beck gets a little fired up, but that fire runs colder than any leftist protest, which have done much more than "spew rage," over the last 50 years.

I will say something nice about Joe Scarborough, if MSNBC has good health benefits he'll never have prostate cancer being their puppet.

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Obama's Approval Exits the Basket Case (On Paper)

Aided by his response to the Tucson shootings, popular lame-duck legislation and a hint of economic relief, Barack Obama has matched his highest job approval rating in more than a year in the latest ABC News/Washington Post poll, with his ratings for empathy likewise rebounding.

It's a remarkable turnaround for a president so recently hammered in the 2010 midterm elections. Yet the public's mood remains glum, with attendant, continuing hazards for the president and Congress alike.

Get the rest at ABC News (h/t Memeorandum)

The article goes on to say his approval rating is at 54% with almost no appreciable difference in the direction the direction of anything but Congress I would be very curious to see the sample taken. Polls like this that don't seem rational usually weight Democrats heavier like they didn't get Michelle's obesity memo. Then again, the way I see it, it's only natural that Obama's approval rate would rise at some point. I mean, isn't that how...

...these things work anyway?

I like how they worked in the new congress, like they're both up sh*t creek and the Republicans are the ones who forgot the paddle.

Oh, and can you stop being so "glum" know...for the president? He can't get reelected if you Negative Nancies don't snap out of it already. Okay? Thanks.

On a positive note, in spite of lumping them in with Obama's numbers, Congress's approval since Speaker Boehner took over has skyrocketed to 28% (the highest it has been since 2008). I know that's like doctors saying Biden is twice as smart as previously thought after discovering a second brain cell, but it's worth mentioning for the opportunity to rip on Biden yet again.

Also, the poll shows almost everyone agrees Obama did a good job giving the Tucson "eulogy."

h/t iOwnTheWorld for the image.

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Conservative Satire Headlines January 17, 2011

CNN denies tampering with poll data finding Jared Loughner in last place in Tucson "blame game" behind (from last to first) his gun, his psychosis, Fox News, talk radio, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin's parents, William F. Buckley, and Abraham Lincoln.

After accusing "old white people" of continuing to harbor bigoted feelings toward Obama, Chris Matthews is accused of bigotry against intelligent thought.

Biden insistent a ban on assault weapons would be unnecessary if people would take his "schematics" for his "super forcefield and no backsies" seriously.

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Ed Schultz's Family Ties to Charlie Brown

Top 10 U.N. Slogans

I hope this doesn't lead to eating violence against a bunch of peanuts...

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How to Spin Conservative "Hate Speech" in Three Easy Steps

I received an email from my friend Greg over at Modern Conservative (full disclosure: I contribute to that site) about how GOP headquarters in certain parts of Arizona are now getting retaliation threats for the actions of the thoroughly unconservative Jared Loughner. This got me thinking about how perilous it could be to alert the media about this because it might be turned around more quickly than Obama's Christian apathy.

(To digress for a second: Obama went to church last weekend, some were saying Hell froze over, others - not naming names, but that person rhymes with "me" - think it got a little hotter....)

So, how would the media spin this into an attack by some right-wing nutjob?

1. Take a letter put together by some left-wing crazy (running on the outside assumption they even exist).

Top 10 U.N. Slogans

2. Forge it to make it look like it came from the right (click to see the full size)

Top 10 U.N. Slogans

Note the waxy crayon buildup of the GOP logo, convincing use of scotch tape, typewriter font, and apparent attempt to cover up misspelling "letterhead".

3. Find someone dumb enough to believe it's real...

Top 10 U.N. Slogans

After last week we now know that list is very VERY short....right?.........Guys?


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