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Why Michael Moore Really Bailed Julian Assange Out Of Jail...

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Conservative Satire Headlines December 14, 2010

In justification for posting Wikileaks founder Julian Assange's bail Michael Moore explains while stuck on the inside it would be too difficult to "get at that deliciously skinny ass" .

Michael Moore denies accusations of being gay, says he is merely drawn to the name Assange "like a moth to a flame."

"Centrist" organization "No Labels" calls for an end to "hyper-partisan" politics wins endorsement from Democrats, RINO's, China, Cuba, North Korea, and people born yesterday.

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'Progressives' Now Want to Have 'No Labels'

The group "No Labels" kicked off its first conference Monday at New York's Columbia University with just one label largely absent: "Republican."

The non-partisan initiative with the slogan, "Not Left. Not Right. Forward", is seeking to fill what the American people regularly tell pollsters is the vital center: a non-ideological space where the commitment is to getting things done. And its speakers—who ranged from Republican moderates like ex-Virginia Rep. Tom Davis to liberal Democrats like New York Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand—sang the praises of cooperation and compromise.

But the only Republicans present at Columbia University's modern, square Alfred Lerner Hall seemed to be those who had recently lost primary races, such as South Carolina Rep. Bob Inglis and Delaware Rep. Mike Castle, or former Republicans like Florida Gov. Charlie Crist and New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg. No other senior elected Republican officials were in attendance, though a range of Democrats were present, some of them seeming a bit mystified by the bipartisan cast of the event, like the reliably liberal Gillibrand, and others whose clashes with unions - like Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa and Newark Mayor Cory Booker - have put some distance between them and their parties.

"No Labels" was initially viewed with skepticism by the two parties as a stalking horse for the third-party presidential dreams of New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg, who spoke Monday.

But Bloomberg, who stepped onto the national stage last week with a major economic speech, then abruptly said that "no way, no how" would he run for president, appeared in a dour mood.

But Bloomberg, who stepped onto the national stage last week with a major economic speech, then abruptly said that "no way, no how" would he run for president, appeared in a dour mood.

Read the rest at Politico (h/t Memeorandum)

How about they apply for a stimulus grant to build a time machine so they can go back to in time to....say...1859? I'm sure the leaders of that day would be more than happy to set aside their arguments about slavery for a while to give No Labels guidance on how to be less "hyper-partisan."

No labels? The founding fathers built this towering structure of glory that is the United States of America, and THEY couldn't avoid labels. This group of half-wits, who wouldn't have been fit to shine their shoes, thinks they've got it all figured out?

I know it sounds like I'm kidding myself, trust me...I'm not. It is painfully obvious this is just the latest pathetic attempt to rebrand left-wing politics.

They've run away from "liberal." They're apparently now running away from "progressive" too. These guys run away so much they could take Africans in a marathon.

These people are going to have as much success as the as the Coffee Party that never was. Nobody is going to visit this zoo of idiocy.

I know I know, "zoo" implies they're like a bunch of animals...

By the way they plagiarized the design...way to go morons. They should change their branding to a bunch of pictures of Biden...that would be fool proof. Aside from the obvious karmic retribution he wouldn't even get mad they're using his image because he'll be too busy trying to figure out why he gets déjà vu looking at it.

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Did ObamaCare Ruling Violate the 8th Amendment?

ObamaCare pain in the butt

If its tough to read you can click the image to see a larger version.

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Conservative Satire Headlines December 13, 2010

In a phone call to PETA a sobbing Biden is informed the Senate passage tax cut compromise isn't literally filled with "slaughtered innocent piggies."

Following lower court ruling on ObamaCare's unconstitutionality the liberal wing of SCOTUS asks with smirk veiled pouted lips, "what's next? The second amendment?"

Confusion stirring speech by Obama hailing the lower court strike down of ObamaCare revealed to be prank by teleprompters resentful they're not going to Hawaii this year.

While viewing data showing spiking support for ObamaCare the aides request that an ecstatic Obama not view the chart while doing a handstand.

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Alarmingly 'Pig-gressive' Justice at the Supreme Court

It’s not just the Constitution that is a “living document,” as Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer proved yesterday when discussing the Second Amendment.  Breyer argued that James Madison only included the right to bear arms reluctantly, and only because the states wouldn’t sign the Constitution for fear of creating an overmighty central government.  That’s why he voted against the majority in theHeller decision that overturned the federal handgun ban in Washington DC:

Appearing on “Fox News Sunday,” Breyer said history stands with the dissenters in the court’s decision to overturn a Washington, D.C., handgun ban in the 2008 case “D.C. v. Heller.”

Breyer wrote the dissent and was joined by Justices John Paul Stevens, David H. Souter and Ruth Bader Ginsburg. He said historians would side with him in the case because they have concluded that Founding Father James Madison was more worried that the Constitution may not be ratified than he was about granting individuals the right to bear arms.

Madison “was worried about opponents who would think Congress would call up state militias and nationalize them. ‘That can’t happen,’ said Madison,” said Breyer, adding that historians characterize Madison’s priority as, “I’ve got to get this document ratified.”

Therefore, Madison included the Second Amendment to appease the states, Breyer said.

“If you’re interested in history, and in this one history was important, then I think you do have to pay attention to the story,” Breyer said. “If that was his motive historically, the dissenters were right. And I think more of the historians were with us.”

Read the rest at Hot Air

Mr. President, Monica Lewinsky. Monica, President Clinton

Have you ever started a job where on day one you march into your boss's office and demand twice as much pay as the offer letter you signed stipulates? You're boss would be more befuddled than Biden after a conversation about long division. You inform your new boss that your ONLY CONCERN was to GET THE JOB so you agreed to anything that could get you over that goal line, and now it's time to take what you really want.

Take a poll and ask any random person if they would want twice as much pay as they're already getting for their job, you'll get a "yes" faster than a TSA interrorgation that asks Barney Frank if he's packin' heat (no guns involved, the officer is just really cute and he misunderstood the question).

Write down the results of your respondents, (or you can save yourself the time and just write 100% in the "yes" column), time stamp it, and now history is officially on your side.

Under which history of what universe is it true that anything in the constitution, a document Breyer has sworn to uphold, can be ignored due to the perceived motivation for its creation?

No offense to the Palinistas, but if people turned off Dancing with the Stars for even five minutes so they can be briefed on the fact that the "progressives" who sit on the Supreme Court today should be outfitted for masks resembling the pigs from Orwell's Animal Farm Democrats would never again see the White House on the sole basis of nominating justices to the Supreme Court.

This is real constitution shredding going on right in front of our faces, not like the unsubstantiated Air America hyperbole conservatives have to put up with from Breyer's ilk.

If the opinions of historians are so important to Breyer then maybe he should consult the ones who actually rely on history. Or better yet take the damn middle man out of it. Hot Air completely vaporizes Breyer's rationale using a devastatingly revelatory quote from Madison himself, so make sure check out the post (the link is in the above blockquote).

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ObamaCare Finally Has a Heart to Heart with the Constitution

Casting an unmistakable and perhaps permanent pockmark on the face of the Obama administration, a federal judge in Virginia ruled Monday that a major component of the new health care reform law is unconstitutional.

Judge Henry E. Hudson ruled Monday for the state's claim that the requirement for people to purchase health care exceeds the power of Congress under the Constitution's Commerce Clause or under the General Welfare Clause.

"It is not the effect on individuals that is presently at issue -- it is the authority of Congress to compel anyone to purchase health insurance," wrote Hudson, who was appointed to the federal bench in 2002 by President George W. Bush. 

"Every application of Commerce Clause power found to be constitutionally sound by the Supreme Court involved some form of action, transaction or deed placed in motion by an individual or legal entity. The constitutional viability of the minimum essential coverage provision in this case turns on whether or not a person's decision to refuse to purchase health care insurance is such an activity," he wrote.

Hudson's eagerly awaited decision invalidates the requirement that all Americans purchase health insurance by 2014 or face a federal fine. Hudson's decision is the first striking down part of the controversial legislation.

The Obama administration is likely to appeal Monday's ruling to the Richmond-based Fourth Circuit U.S. Court of Appeals. It is widely expected that no matter the outcome before that court, the case will ultimately go before the Supreme Court, as even Hudson acknowledged.

Read the rest at Fox News (h/t Memeorandum)

Constitution: I told you so dude

O: Shut up, nobody asked you.

Constitution: Exactly! Thats your problem dude. You swore to uphold me, and the only direction you hold me is down dude!

O: Stop calling me dude, I am the President of the United States.

Constitution: You look like just a dude to me.

O: I hope Bush got this much disrespect.

Constitution: He didn't dude...W is my homeboy.

O: What the "H-E-double hockey sticks-O where's my virgins"?!? He was the poster boy of not "upholding" the constitution.

Constitution: That's pretty true dude...he was definitely more of a cuddler.


I know this is by no means over, but today is a good day.

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The Progressive Tax Shelter...

progressive tax shelter tree

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The Vanity of an 'Almost Was' Vice President

No wonder they can't get tough on national security. This guy was the Dems '04 runner-up for president!!! He seriously could've been his own first lady...

Say what you might about Obama, but at least... was definitely taken out of context, so as I was saying...

...well, at least he.....



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Al Qaeda Is Laughing At Us...

I know during the holidays there is a lot to worry about...but don't forget...

h/t iOwnTheWorld

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