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Conservative Satire Headlines December 28, 2010

New Yorkers begin to wonder if blizzards would stop if experts stopped fighting against global warming.

Confused as to why snow is paralyzing New York City, conservatives point out its people are so liberal they could melt the snow in seconds by blowing on it.

Poll shows a growing number of Dems support an Obama nomination in 2012, clearing the way for his November silver medal finish.

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The Top 10 "Things" About 2010

There was a lot of good stuff this year, so I may amend this later...


10. Arlen Specter went from the Republican Party, to the Democratic Party, to his retirement party.

9. New Jersey governor Chris Christie spends his first year in office proving he is worth his weight in bold.

8. Faizul Shazzad, the Times Square Bomber, proved to Mayor Bloomberg that the Tea Party isn't racist about who they let in.

7. John Boehner's emotional display of tears melts our hearts, and Nancy Pelosi.

6. Being the "post-racial" president that he is, Obama tried to integrate the gulf coast's oil and water.

5. The country realizes Obama is to job creation what Helen Thomas is to Viagra.

4.Liberals support the Ground Zero Mosque on the basis of religious freedom out of fear the next thing to go will be global warming summits.

3. Obama shows that between ramming through ObamaCare, the BP Oil Spill, and WikiLeaks, the only hole he can actually plug is the rears of Americans.

2. The discovery of an allergy to tea dubbed by medical experts as "Republican Incumbency Now Obliterated" (RINO).

1. The ObamaCare vote immediately improved the health of Congress.

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Obama's Caddy

I'm kind of obsessed with the golf since he's on vacation this week. Though I'm not sure how this differs from when he's not on vacation...

Obama caddy

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Conservative Satire Headlines December 27, 2010

After a failed attempt to wink at him, a reporter agrees with Pelosi that Michael Vick deserve a second chance, adds reminder that Vick didn't ruin the country.

Gallup names Obama most-admired man of 2010 thanks in part to his taking Carville's advice and "borrowing a pair" from a now disqualified Hillary Clinton.

Obama takes communion during rare appearance at church service, inadvertently turning the wine into water.

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Kevin Smith Uses a Democrat to Stereotype the 'Red State'

Smith has released the first trailer for his upcoming film, 'Red State,' a frightening look at religious extremism in America, based in part on anti-gay, anti-America Kansas pastor Fred Phelps.

Catch the original article at The Huffington Post

I love Kevin Smith's movies....but TIME OUT! TIME THE @#$#$% OUT!

First of all, this movie is going to FAIL, make no mistake about that. Mariah Carey's "Glitter" is going to look like "Avatar's" box office cousin compared to this movie because only a bunch of ignorant liberals who think there is a semblance of reality in it will spend two hours of their life watching it.

Meanwhile, the rest of the country will find watching eskimos who observe ice melt in the middle of January to be way more informative.

This is "loosely" based on Fred Phelps? The man is a Democrat, he has run for elected office as one many times throughout his life. He has even been a delegate at the Democratic National Convention. It was George W. Bush who signed Respect for America's Fallen Heroes Act passed with a vote from a GOP dominated Congress (that hailed from the states Smith is maligning) in 2006, based on the actions of Phelps's lunatic church.

So...what the hell is Kevin Smith thinking?

The fool is obviously TRYING to paint a portrait of Christian conservatism in America, and he's using a guy who would never vote for them as the backdrop for a work of fiction that's less believable than the comic book world he comes from.

Why doesn't he just make a movie about a guy who preaches the value of working hard, and fights tirelessly to preserve the right of people to keep what they worked to earn, and then say its "loosely" based on Barack Obama?

I've got a better idea, why doesn't he do a film that takes "a frightening look at religious extremism" that acts as an incubator for Sharia Law in America? Or would it be too difficult to get those guys to register Republican?

Here's the movie's trailer, and no I don't owe you a new keyboard because you didn't grab your barf bag before clicking play.

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What The President Shoots For Before a Hole in One...

Obama better than hole in one

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A Very 'Linus vs. Joe Biden' Christmas

As much as I'd love to keep the posts going through the holiday weekend....truth be told, I'm pooped. Hopefully I can take a couple of days to rest up a bit.

And now, for your holiday weekend pleasure...a very special Christmas tale where Joe Biden finally wins a debate....sort of.

If you're a Christian keep in mind that Christmas is a celebration of the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

If you're NOT a Christian keep in mind that Christmas is a celebration of the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Merry Christmas everyone!

h/t iOwnTheWorld for the video.

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Conservative Satire Headlines December 23, 2010

Aides to Vice President Biden deny accusations that during signing of Don't Ask Don't Tell repeal he whispered into Obama's ear "this is a butt f**king deal"

Commemorating gays newfound ability to serve in the military Dems create a new Christmas carol titled "Have Yourselves a Fairy Little Christmas."

Democrat leadership finds strongest support for "filibuster reform" with members planning to switch to GOP in 2013.

Al Gore tells nations kids they'll soon have a chance to ask Santa about the devastating effects of global warming.

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EPA to Ban Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer Unless...

progressive rudolph the red nosed reindeer

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I Probably Think Atheists Are Stupid

In light of Britain's Atheist Bus campaign this is probably a good time to mention I have always been a fan of the notion that I don't have enough faith to be atheist....

Apparently atheists don't have enough faith to be atheists either. There's probably no god?!? Does that mean there probably is a God?

This sets up an interesting conundrum for atheist crusaders. If they are "probably right" about there being no God then everything will go black and when we die existence for us will cease to be.

If they are "probably wrong" and there is a God then what do they think will happen to them when they have to face Him in the next life?

Basically, they're damned if they don't, and they be damned if anyone could get them to "do."

"seriously @$&#ed." is reallly not, but probably is code for "poopy heads"

By the way, I probably think atheists are a little stupid.

I would also say that it's most certainly true with a high degree of probability that "probably" is code for "definitely." Its also true with definite degree of probability that "stupid" is also meant to mean "seriously @$&#ed."

They don't believe in God, so they see no need for religion, which prompts them to start an atheist cult so they can tell the world they're "probably" right...

Meanwhile, all people of faith are the logically bankrupt ones in this equation?

How does anyone get this way? Were these people tied to a chair and fed a constant diet of paint chips and helium?

Oh, I'm sorry, am I being ridiuclous?

Also, what is it that atheists think we are consumed by that makes them feel the need to tell us to "stop worrying?" Because of their belief that God is in control people of faith are truly some of the most worry free people there are.

When anyone assumes you're something that you're not they're reallly projecting their own issues on to you. Without exception the non-religious people in my life are among the most miserable people I personally know. They can't enjoy their life because they get hung up on every little thing that goes wrong in it.

They sweat the small stuff because they don't think there is anything to look forward to after this life. So they want to get it while the gettin' is good, and they're never satisfied. They don't know what people of faith know...nothing material in this life can provide permanent or lasting happiness better than faithfulness to God.

This Christmas will be spent as it should be, celebrating the birth of the Son of God, and I'll be doing so happily, because believing in God makes my life more enjoyable.

I'm not going to worry about people who spend their lives WORRIED about making sure people knew that life PROBABLY has no point.

Honestly atheists, I don't care what you want to believe...but please just go find a dark sound-proof closet that you can "play dead" in, and stop trying to be a bummer to people who want to play in the light.


On a side note, I thought this was a pretty brilliant retort from Neil Stevens over at Red State, I don't think they'd take it well...

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