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An Open Letter Opposing the Pledge for America, by Barack Obama

What if....


Dear America,

I write to you today to urge you to reject the Republican's Pledge for America. First off, whats this "for America" garbage? That's not very self-aggrandizing...is it? What gives? Where's the self worship? Did they not learn anything from me? I put the ME in America!

There's also no personality behind it. For crying out loud I made women swoon for CHANGE (they didn't know I actually meant bus fare, but whatever).

That said here are a few reasons you need to reject the Pledge for America.

  1. First off, it's only 21 pages long, how do you fit change into 21 freakin' pages? My health care bill totally kicks its ass. I swear its like the only thing wimpier in paper than this pledge is that Declaration of Independence

  2. They want to stop TARP? What the hell is TARP? I thought we called it TARD...

  3. I think it's really wrong to try to put caps on spending after all government reports have already said I'm going to take the debt to $20 trillion. Think about all of the people who worked hard to prepare those reports....we're going to make liars out of them. (Take it from me, nobody likes a liar)

  4. Why should laws need constitutional authority? Why should a constitution have anything to do with the laws we write? Furthermore, what is a constitution anyway?

  5. There's nothing about absorbing terrorist attacks, at least I have a dang sponge.<----(psst!)

  6. I'm pretty sure they'll get us all killed if they impose harsh sanctions on Iran. Besides, we can't even get a grip on stopping Fox News.

  7. Do we really have to take 3 days to read a bill? Pssh! It took more time to print my copy of ObamaCare

  8. Speaking of ObamaCare they'll repeal that over my death paneled body.

So there you have it America. I strongly suggest you consider these reasons, and by "strongly" I mean "don't make me get all Orwell up in here!" (Michelle came up with that one)

Sincerely,




President Barack Obama



Oh yeah and God Bless Americcccccaaaaaa...GREAT! I just gacked all over my brand new golf balls. Thanks a lot America!