CORUSCANT — Obi-Wan Kenobi, the mastermind of some of the most devastating attacks on the Galactic Empire and the most hunted man in the galaxy, was killed in a firefight with Imperial forces near Alderaan, Darth Vader announced on Sunday.
In a late-night appearance in the East Room of the Imperial Palace, Lord Vader declared that “justice has been done” as he disclosed that agents of the Imperial Army and stormtroopers of the 501st Legion had finally cornered Kenobi, one of the leaders of the Jedi rebellion, who had eluded the Empire for nearly two decades. Imperial officials said Kenobi resisted and was cut down by Lord Vader's own lightsaber. He was later dumped out of an airlock....
“For over two decades, Kenobi has been the Jedi rebellion’s leader and symbol,” the Lord of the Sith said in a statement broadcast across the galaxy via HoloNet. “The death of Kenobi marks the most significant achievement to date in our empire’s effort to defeat the rebel alliance. But his death does not mark the end of our effort. There’s no doubt that the rebellion will continue to pursue attacks against us. We must and we will remain vigilant at home and abroad.”
Read the rest at The Galactic Empire Times
I don't know who created this page, but it's simultaneously awesome and offensive. The United States is like the Galactic Empire, HA! The United States isn't that awesome.
Unless it's the real reason we are trillions in debt, we don't actually have the force. Though I will concede somebody learned the Jedi mind trick back in November '08.
Nobody has any lightsabers, unless you count these...
I mean, really, they look like soft serve ice cream...and who's afraid of frozen treats?
Al Gore, and his global warming minions are the only real American Stormtroopers. Even though they're a bunch of weiners, they're not clones, but if we wanted to get super technical then their intellect is pretty artificial.
Also, it was SO hilarious when the Vader mantle was hung around Cheney's neck, but hanging a guy like Vader around the neck of a black president is super racist. To say nothing of the hanging reference.
I fixed the picture so people don't focus on how racist it is to equate the blackness of Darth Vader to a president like Obama.