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Conservative Satire Headlines January 3, 2011

House GOP breaks Pledge to America on first day back in power by authorizing federal funds to pay for liberal grief counselors, hazmat team for Pelosi.

Speaking for House Democrats Pelosi declares GOP will repeal ObamaCare "over my already dead body."

Speaking for Senate Democrats Reid declares GOP will repeal ObamaCare "over Ted Kennedy's fermented body."

Analysts speculate Michael Steele dreads RNC chair debate only slightly less than the public dreads watching it.

Poll finds majority continue to oppose government funded heath care unless its paying for Valium and straight jackets for Alan Grayson.

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What Darrell Issa Should Be Investigating...

The official list is out...

1. Impact of regulation on job creation …
2. Fannie/Freddie & the Foreclosure Crisis …
3. Financial Crisis Inquiry Commission and the failure to identify origins of the financial crisis …
4. Combating corruption in Afghanistan …
5. WikiLeaks …
6. FDA/Food & Drug Safety." .

From Politico (via Memeorandum)

I'm going to be honest, I'm a little disappointed. There were other "mysteries" I personally wanted solved first, such as:

Who is fatter: America's children, or Democrats when they lie.

The per capita usage of botox in the Pelosi household.

Whether or not Michelle Obama will systematically confiscate junk food from America's schools and why Michael Moore is listed on the Let's Move payroll as a "storage consultant."

Is Harry Reid's claim to being boxer code for he played a lot of Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots?

Are Barney Frank and Anthony Weiner related?

Do dogs ever wonder if Democrats go to heaven?

The emerging arms race between Joe Biden and Rahm Emanuel and their stockpiles of F-bombs.

When the media talks about the first dog, Bo Obama, should they be allowed to shorten his name to "BoOb?"

I know this will make the Birthers froth at the mouth...but maybe we should try to verify Biden's JD from Syracuse first.

Where does job growth fall on Obama's list of priorities? Somewhere between bogeys and rim shots?

Can the government save money by combining plexiglass basketball backboards with teleprompters?

Why has Janet Napolitano scheduled daily flights for herself since instituting the TSA enhanced patdown policy?

Could the deficit really be wiped out with the Albert Gore Global Warming Windfall Income Tax Act?

Has Nasa figured the physics of zero gravity prayer mats and prayer toward Mecca yet?

Yes, I am well aware that there is a reason I don't get to be in charge of stuff...


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A Possible Slogan for the Obama Obesity Crusade

I did a couple of ads mocking Michelle Obama's efforts to get government's foot in the door or what we eat by hiding behind the skirt of our children in schools...

The holiday theme was a bit limiting, and doesn't really get to the bottom of things....

Obama Lets Move do as we say not as we chew

Hopefully this helps better move that ball forward a bit. ;-)

A lot of people on both sides of the aisle don't understand why anyone would oppose Michelle Obama putting on her nanny cap and keeping a calorie tally over America's kids. After all she's just trying to help prevent what she calls a threat to our national security.

“A recent study put the health care cost of obesity-related diseases at $147 billion a year,” Mrs. Obama said. “This epidemic also impacts the nation’s security, as obesity is now one of the most common disqualifiers for military service.”

If fitness is an emerging problem then surely whipping people into shape is something the United States military can handle better than, say, coping with the potential for sexual tension that congress and the president just invited upon it via the repeal of "Don't Ask Don't Tell."

This isn't a judgement either way on DADT (this blog has no official opinion on it, yet). I just find it interesting that the left thinks refusing to execute their social engineering agenda is a greater existential threat to "national security" than psychos with nukes.

If this is being done in the name of national security where does it stop? As soon as the government figures out that telling kids what to eat at school does nothing as long as they live under not only their parents' roof, but also their eating habits, what is to stop them from "redoubling their efforts" as a justification to start regulating what everyone eats?

Is anyone prepared for an America where the only ding dongs you'll be able to find are people who vote Democrat?

The colonists went ape-stuff when the King of England imposed a tax on tea. At least he wasn't dictating what people could consume. Imagine how they would react to all of this.

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Before Pelosi was "Madam Speaker"...

You can't trust everything you read on Wikipedia.

Nancy Patricia D'Alesandro Pelosi[1] (pronounced /pəˈloʊsi/; born March 26, 1940)...


Baby New Year Pelosi 100 years old

I suppose she was young and needed the money.

Happy New Year!

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A List of New Years Resolutions for "Progressives"

Give more and be more charitable with other peoples money.

Find more legitimate reasons to have an abortion for convenience.

Watch what I eat, since Michelle Obama wont let me eat what I eat.

Quit smoking, the president needs them more than I do.

Support gay marriage by trying it out.

Work harder with others at building bridges over border fences.

Stop using the race card as a crutch

Rewrite the Constitution on Wikipedia.

Fight for a world with less A-bombs and more F-bombs.

Institute Don't Ask Don't Tell policy on all one night stands.

Reduce toilet paper usage to one square, Joe Biden's mouth needs them more than I do.

Build up a tolerance to the toxins in energy efficient lightbulbs.

Build up my vegan tolerance for the fake meat tofu.

Attend AA to kick the alcoholism caused by drinking games played during Biden speeches.

Become smarter than a 5th grader (or is it become more smarter?).

Try to see the inner beauty in everyone, or the outer beauty of Helen Thomas. (whatever ends up being easier)

Help make Al Gore even more rich so he can have a better chance at stopping global warming.

Stop letting the kids watch Joe Biden on TV and have them tune in to real cartoons.

Maintain balance with mother nature by reducing my carbon footprint by as much as Al Gore increases his.

Stock up on guns white flags...just in case.

Learn how to shoot the guns read an English to Chinese dictionary....just in case

Learn which direction Mecca is in...just in case.

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2010 Posts Have Been Archived

2010's articles have been archived. You can check them out by month here and in the archive links to the right.

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