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How Liberal Journalists Think

You may have seen other videos like this one from YouTube user Battlefield315. This one is definitely one of, if not the best I've seen yet...

h/t Moonbattery

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Conservative Satire Headlines January 26, 2011

Nations preschool teachers thank Obama for last nights State of the Union and its contribution to making their jobs easier at nap time.

Hawaii, Obama deny rumors that U.S. debt to China has led to them holding the president's birth certificate for ransom.

Noticing the litigation tirade Dennis Kucinich has embarked upon after eating a "dangerous sandwich" the congressman receives a surprise endorsement for president from al Qaeda.

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The Top 10 Misconceptions About the 2011 State of the Union

10. Obama was actually giving a "pre-action" to Paul Ryan's speech on the state of the union.

9. Biden laughed when Obama said he would veto earmarks because he thought it would be silly to ban place holders for audio books.

8. While praising the ratification of START Obama forgot to mention that piece of paper was his idea of a missile defense shield.

7. Biden was frowning the whole time because he was sad he forgot to bring his Nintendo DS.

6. Biden suggested "Win the future," which he plagiarized from a slot machine at some indian casino he tried to...invest...stimulus money in.

5. Obama's favorite example of government inefficiency, salmon regulation, is code for the two-party system.

4. Pelosi said she didn't feel like a little person until Steny Hoyer "accidentally" tried sitting in her seat while she was still in it.

3. The only thing Obama ran to the center of was attention.

2. Boehner teared up when Obama saluted him because he didn't want the night to end without something real coming out of it.

1. When Obama said this is our "Sputnik moment" he was criticizing GOP efforts to prevent our debt from going into orbit.

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Summing Up the 2011 State of the Union in Three Words...

Ok, not an entirely honest post title, but it's not "lefty spending freeze" dishonest. Three words will sum it up, but I need to lay some foundation first.

To start, Jennifer Rubin over at the Washington Post says it pretty well...

If you were expecting a moderate Obama or a bold Obama, you were disappointed, most likely, by Tuesday's State of the Union Address. In a nutshell: Obama proposed a ton of new domestic spending, promised to freeze discretionary spending (attained by savaging defense), abstained from offering specifics on entitlement reform and largely ignored major foreign policy changes. Moreover, the delivery was so listless that this State of the Union address likely garnered less applause than any address in recent memory....But it was also a flat and boring speech, too long by a third. Can you recall a single line?

More here (h/t Memeorandum)

State of the Union Just Blew It

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John Maddening the State of the Union: My Live Comments

This is an adventure for me, I've never tried this before, lets see how it goes:


6:05 - The glad handing begins, the hand sanitizer business doesn't need a stimulus

6:10 - Is it me or is purple the color of the night? It's like they're trying to say something...hmm

6:13 - The challenges were ALWAYS bigger than party, it took the Donkeys getting their heads from being removed from themselves to figure that out.

6:14 - Trying to remember which Alinsky rule involves telling the power class what they want to hear...

6:17 - Our economy is prosperous but for your sides ideas on spreading weath, but yes, we can't "win the future" by standing still" like the government did in the gulf last summer.

6:22 - Boehner looks bored, Biden looks least he nods his head like he is...masking confusion? I don't see a dictionary, so maybe.

6:25 - It's not just needing a market for clean energy, there needs to be profitiablity. Of course we need R&D to get there, but lets not put the cart before the Prius.

6:27 - Okay, he's right on that. As someone who did academic competition in high school he's absolutely right. Let's start celebrating academic success, but not with Biden.

6:30 - Agreed again, we need to work on math, so kids can come to Congress and help them understand how a budget should work.

6:34 - Oh boy, here we go with educating illegals. They pledge allegiance to our flag. Thats not our flag I saw them march with when they demanded amnesty 3 years ago.

6:36 - Yeah, Asia has a better infrastructure, do their union workers have better contracts? Probably! :-/

6:38 - Oh yeah, no pat downs for trains. HAHAHAHAHA! Really funny huh Congress. TSA doesn't have to touch YOUR pee pees!

6:42 - Another way to simplify the tax system is to just hand everything over to the state, no loopholes needed to close there.

6:45 - China's taking notes on the bragging about regulating credit card companies

6:48 - Yes Mr. President, ObamaCare can be improved, all you have to do is READ it to find out how. He gets to paint a rosy picture, thats his right, but.....wait....OH MAN now he wants to talk about the debt?!?!?...thats how he segues from ObamaCare?!?!?

6:52 - I can't wait for Paul Ryan to set the president straight on the cost of ObamaCare like Barney Frank at a convention of men impersonating Helen Thomas

6:53 - So far, the only center I'm seeing in Obama is the attention he has.

6:55 - For a second there I thought he was going to say his favorite example of government inefficiency was the two party system...

6:58 - When did you know our standing has been restored Barack? When that pianist played anti-American propaganda for you and the Chinese president in the White House last week?

7:00 - Yes American Muslims are our countrymen, but can we agree to not think of the Tea Party when cars are rigged with bombs...Mayor Bloomturd?

7:01 - Sticks and stones....but words will never nuke me...when the worlds psycho's realize START is just a piece of paper what will we hide behind? What will the rhetoric be then....did he really just use never with these people regarding nukes?

7:07 - Sounds like its about to rap up soon...the teleprompters are still looking in good shape...that's the one thing I was worried about most

7:08 - The left wouldn't trade places with any other nation, not even Europe...they don't want to pay for the movers.

7:09 - Boehner's tears from Obama's salute to him are the only thing I can take away from the last hour that has any semblance of reality.

7:12 - Noticing how stories about America's success, especially with helping the Chilean miners, had nothing to do with government intervention.

7:13 - Thanks to the last election yes, our union is stronger, now go slap some more hands!

7:14 - Mr. President! Mr. President! Sign my program! Can you make it out to e-Bay?

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For the Sake of the Deficit Let's Invest in Not "Investing"

From the Washington Post's baby blogger Ezra Klein...

The president won't give his annual State of the Union address until later tonight, but in an important way, the speech has already worked. For the past week or so, news report after news report has dutifully relayed the argument the president is planning to offer tonight: America needs to be competitive going forward, and to be competitive going forward, it needs to invest in things like infrastructure, R&D and education, not just reduce the deficit.

And it's...worked. The conversation has changed. We've stopped just talking about deficits and begun talking about investments. House Majority Leader Eric Cantor was on "Meet the Press" on Sunday fretting that the word "invest" is mere code for "more spending." Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell echoed him on "Fox News Sunday." “With all due respect to our Democratic friends, any time they want to spend, they call it investment," he said....

It looks like we're going to have an argument over investment in this country, not just over deficit reduction. Obama will get to present his case that economic leadership requires investing in infrastructure and education and research, as well as cutting the deficit, and Republicans will be able to make their argument that the strategy should be pretty much all cuts.

More here

I don't want to carp on his age, mostly because I'm only four years older than he is, but the naiveté this guy oozes makes me wonder if he is part of some ageist affirmative action program the Washington Post hasn't told us about. I'm sure Ezra is a nice guy, but analysis like this makes it so hard to believe he's been in the game as long as he has in his 26 years of life.

Maybe it's just that he's a product of an ideology that is myopically married to the notion that govnerment, in spite of its solid 80 year track record of failure in the extra-constitutional duties it has assumed since FDR was president, will save us so we can stop our worrying and go back to feeling like the United States is indestructible again.

Maybe it's a product of watching too much of what Hollywood puts out when it weaves politics into its programming. Where liberals invariably win using uninformed one-sided arguments (that you can't find only on Fox News) that he thinks this "changing of the conversation" to "investment" to reduce the deficit is the endgame to what they view as the Great Right Backslide of 2010.

and more unemployment...

Obama's stimulus was one of these vaunted "investments," one component of that investment was spending up to $10,000 on one single sign letting us know that stimulus money was being "invested" in...signs....roadwork, and by their own admission, non-existent shovel-ready projects.

I want Ezra to explain to me how this "changed" conversation will explain how spending nearly a trillion dollars on projects that produced little more than having fewer potholes on the road can set us on the path to long term economic stability, to say nothing of actual prosperity, that eventually gets our government to a point where it collects more revenue than it spends.

The left can wet themselves over the curve ball they think Obama is about to throw, but their idea of "investment" already has a track record, so I'm dying to know why they think this time will be different.

For two years I haven't seen one syllable come from the left that even hints at a serious solution for bringing the deficit, and ultimately the debt, down. Any talking head that that tries to suggest that cutting spending is not the only path deficit reduction is either attempting a move into comedy, or being human is too blasé for them and now they want to try their hand at frightened ostrich.

Republicans seem to be the only ones that understand that even though you'll see black doing this...

it is NOT the way we'll get out of being in the red. That is not "fretting," that is responding to the "tah dah" of the Ezra Kleins of the world putting lipstick on the pig of spending when we're trillions and trillions in the hole, and then telling us THAT is the path to deficit reduction.

This problem is reaching national life or death proportions, and its time the left dispense with the childish things.

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Forget This Year's State of the Union, What About The One After The Next Election?

I talked to a psychic about what the future holds and I've got good news and bad news about it.

The good news is Obama isn't president after 2012.

The bad news....

The only glimmer of hope I can offer is that she had to ask why I wanted to see her, so maybe she's a fraud Democrat.

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Conservative Satire Headlines January 24, 2011

On the day after the Roe v. Wade anniversary Rahm Emmanuel rethinks the landmark case after judges take his run for Mayor of Chicago and abort it.

Pro-choicers fail to see irony of Roe v. Wade anniversary celebration featuring a cake adorned with 38 pink and blue birthday candles.

Biden uninvited from State of the Union after suggestion to "boost" the bipartisan spirit prior to the speech by staging a battle with purple paint balls.

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Newsweek's Idea of an Assassin

Get it?

America's assassins drape themselves in the American flag and are motivated by some misguided sense of patriotism.

Maybe that's not how they actually view it. Maybe I should read the articles...but right now I'm judging this book by its cover, and I'm not sure how else this illustration is supposed to be interpreted.

The message this cover conveys is, of course, in total contradistinction to the REAL patriots in America.

They don't wave the flag, much less wear it like a super-villian costume.

They don't want to carry the burden of arrogance to ask for God's blessing on America, much less the burden of believing in Him in the first place.

They partake in revolution, and much like it's impossible for black people to be racist, revolutionaries can't assasinate.

These REAL patriots invite the Chinese president to the White House for a state dinner his country is paying for. They include in the festivities a performance by a Chinese pianist, who plays a song that serves the function of being anti-American propaganda in China, for OUR president.

In OUR freakin' White House!

After weeks of it being made clear that this Jared Loughner guy is so completely Looney Tunes that he should be illustrated as draped in a flag donning the Warner Brothers logo and made, by him, from the fur of Bugs Bunny himself...we get this....

After it has been made crystal clear this is about mental disability and NOT poltics. We get this cover from NewsWEAK.

Before you plop down $4.95, or whatever price I would never pay for what amounts to glossy toilet paper, keep in mind that the best price they could get for the damn thing, when the powers that were over there were trying to sell it, was ONE DOLLAR.

This is just the latest example of them justifying that asking price.

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A Recipe for 2011 State of the Union Cookies

Apparently one representative from the Republican and Democratic caucuses were charged with writing a recipe for cookies commemorating the bipartisan spirit of this years State of the Union address, which was suggested by Democrats after they lost their historic grip on power. Yeah yeah, that's just right-wing conspiracy theory bluster.

It might be just me, but it seems easy to figure out which side contributed to each section of the recipe...


2011 State of the Union Bipartisan Chip Cookies:

• 3/4 cup sugar
• 3/4 cup packed brown sugar
• 1 cup butter, softened
• 2 large eggs,beaten
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 3/4 teaspoon salt
• 289 chocolate chips (for the number of Republicans)
• 244 buffalo chips (for the number of Congressional Democrats

Preheat the rhetoric to 375 degrees. Mix sugar, brown sugar, butter, vanilla and eggs in a large bowl by hand. Stir in flour, baking soda, and salt. The dough will be very stiff.

Now would be a good time to note that while they are not on the list of ingredients it would be nice if you added equal amounts of brown vanilla, brown flour, brown baking soda, and brown salt to avoid a cookie where sugar is the only progressive ingredient in a treat baked by a racist.

That said, be sure that the dough is well mixed before moving on. If you think adding these ingredients will be detrimental to the taste of the cookie and will make the baking process take longer it is advised that you do your best to accept what you need to do and make sure you budget the extra time so you wont be late for your klan meeting.

Now that you have ruined what could be delicious dough, but for "progressive" meddling, you can stir in the chocolate chips by hand. You'll need to use a sturdy wooden spoon for this and a bit of muscle so make sure the conservative in the kitchen is handling this part.

Once the chocolate chips are thoroughly mixed you can further ruin the cookie's potential by introducing the buffalo chips. If you're from the coasts and don't know what it's like to live in the real America, buffalo chips, like "progressive" thought, is dried out, hardened and easy to ignite buffalo crap.

You can add nuts, at this time if desired, but if you do this you probably wouldn't need the buffalo chips.

Keep stirring and folding the chocolate and buffalo chips into the dough until they are evenly mixed and dispersed. (This makes sure people can't notice there are more chocolate chips than buffalo ones!)

Drop the dough by rounded tablespoonfuls 2 inches apart onto and ungreased cookie sheet. The cookies need to be this far apart because the dough spreads during cooking. And unless you're some psycho Glenn Beck fan who needs a knife wielding outlet, no sane person wants to cut the cookies apart after baking.

Bake 8 to 10 minutes or until light brown, because that's as far as the right will go before they start feeling uncomfortable about the color, which will probably bother them more than the buffalo chips.

Like any good RINO the centers of the cookies will be soft. Let them cool completely then remove from cookie sheet. If you're the type of person that loves cookies unconditionally and thinks this batch smells so delicious that you can't wait to eat them, please be sure to have the number for poison control handy and check your local listings for a therapist competent enough to address your clear disorder.

For Republicans who openly criticize conservatives, or even leave the party to become Democrat, the proper baking time would be more along the lines of 15 minutes. The cookies will be tough and crispy, and not as preferable as a properly baked cookie, but that is what the recipe calls for. Besides, you sort of asked for it.

So lets see the finished product...

Mmmmmmmm! Doesn't that look delish? Lets see what our celebrity judge has to say...

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