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A List of New Years Resolutions for "Progressives"

I'll likely be adding to this list :-)

Give more and be more charitable with other peoples money.

Find more legitimate reasons to have an abortion for convenience.

Watch what I eat, since Michelle Obama wont let me eat what I eat.

Quit smoking, the president needs them more than I do.

Support gay marriage by trying it out.

Work harder with others at building bridges over border fences.

Stop using the race card as a crutch

Rewrite the Constitution on Wikipedia.

Fight for a world with less A-bombs and more F-bombs.

Institute Don't Ask Don't Tell policy on all one night stands.

Reduce toilet paper usage to one square, Joe Biden's mouth needs them more than I do.

Build up a tolerance to the toxins in energy efficient lightbulbs.

Build up my vegan tolerance for the fake meat tofu.

Attend AA to kick the alcoholism caused by drinking games played during Biden speeches.

Become smarter than a 5th grader (or is it become more smarter?).

Try to see the inner beauty in everyone, or the outer beauty of Helen Thomas. (whatever ends up being easier)

Help make Al Gore even more rich so he can have a better chance at stopping global warming.

Stop letting the kids watch Joe Biden on TV and have them tune in to real cartoons.

Maintain balance with mother nature by reducing my carbon footprint by as much as Al Gore increases his.

Stock up on guns white flags...just in case.

Learn how to shoot the guns read an English to Chinese dictionary....just in case

Learn which direction Mecca is in...just in case.

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When Biden Asks a Question

MSM blame game flow chart

It is SO hard to constantly be coming up with new AND good stuff to photoshop for you people....I don't know how BigFurHat does it sometimes, or where he finds his material and ideas.

This was just brilliant.

h/t iOwnTheWorld

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Conservative Satire Headlines December 30, 2010

The last one for 2010!

Liberal blogger Ezra Klein's declares the Constitution is difficult to understand because it is over 100 years old, prompting demands for forgiveness from Helen Thomas.

GOP insists on reading Constitution so Democrats can find out what is in it.

After signaling support for Ground Zero Mosque Justin Beiber is admonished to just "shut up and lipsynch."

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Is The Constitution Really Too Hard to Understand?

You didn't read the title wrong, get a load of this...

I don't want to get all technical and use big words that might be too hard to understand for any "progressives" reading this...but....


I postulated in a previous post that the left has some sort of intelligence allergy, and I'm sorry to see Ezra Klein once again can't prove me wrong.

Our government, and the Democratic Party especially (by their own cavalier yet inadvertent admission during the ObamaCare debate), has grown so big it has its own gravitational pull, and it has strayed so far from the Constitution it could be its own planet.

The simple fact is the Constitution is perhaps the most plainly worded, easiest to understand governing document in the entire republic. Liberals like Klein want NEED it to be "confusing" so they can justify breaking the rules while telling you they're not. All they care about is power, and the Constitution's limits on power couldn't be clearer if it was the inside of Biden's head. For them it's not a document our government needs to live by, it's an impediment.

Klein might as well have said:

This is too confusing, here's a coloring book, leave the big kid stuff to us.

If it really is a mystery why the GOP thinks the Constitution needs to be read to people who vote 2000 page nation altering bills (that are apparently NOT difficult to understand) why don't we let the queen of the liberal hive (who, incidentally, was also created over 100 years ago) spell it out for him.

So, Ezra, this is not a gimmick, you idiot.

h/t to The Right Scoop (via iOwnTheWorld) for the first video.


Klein offers a rather feeble explanation of his intellectual constipation here. Go there for the explanation, stay for the comments by readers eviscerating it.

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Bloomberg's 'No Labels' Mantra Comes In Really Handy Right Now

Selfish Sanitation Department bosses from the snow-slammed outer boroughs ordered their drivers to snarl the blizzard cleanup to protest budget cuts -- a disastrous move that turned streets into a minefield for emergency-services vehicles, The Post has learned.

Miles of roads stretching from as north as Whitestone, Queens, to the south shore of Staten Island still remained treacherously unplowed last night because of the shameless job action, several sources and a city lawmaker said, which was over a raft of demotions, attrition and budget cuts.

"They sent a message to the rest of the city that these particular labor issues are more important," said City Councilman Dan Halloran (R-Queens), who was visited yesterday by a group of guilt-ridden sanitation workers who confessed the shameless plot.

Get the rest at The New York Post (via Drudge Report)

If this makes you shrug your shoulders then you must've missed the fact that people have died as a result of this...

A blizzard baby delivered inside the lobby of a snowbound Brooklyn building died after an emergency call of a woman in labor brought no help for nine excruciating hours.

Story here

Liberals love to scoff at the idea that we should privatize any service. This is exhibit A-Z on why we should consider it.

If these accusations are true then blood is on the hands of these workers? How are union thugs holding up taxpayers in a city that is steeped in debt better than having some greedy "evil" corporation handle it?

These bastards are going to have their jobs tomorrow. If corporate America was in charge of this they would've been unemployed a**holesicles by now.

Meanwhile, Mayor Bloomberg shrugs his shoulders, and I don't know if its because he doesn't know what to do, or that's his response to an aide asking him how he'll pin this one on the Tea Party.

Any chance of this guy running for president just got put on ice (oh yes...PUN INTENDED). If he can't get sanitation workers to prevent the deaths of innocent people by simply getting snow plowed, then you can imagine what will happen when a country like North Korea finally goes off the deep end.

I know he's all about having No Labels lately, so I'm not going to say he's a failure....

Or a moron...

Or a loser...

Or an idiot carrier of Biden DNA...

Or an incompetence whore after giving 8 million people a snow job....

I'm going to let Mayor Bloomturd's inactions speak for themselves.

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Dennis Kucinich Reacts to Prospect of Losing His Congressional Seat Through Redistricting

Dennis Kucinich is Gollum reacting to losing congressional seat

Luckily, this isn't some new years fantasy of mine...he really is concerned about losing his seat.

*tear* :-(

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Conservative Satire Headlines December 29, 2010

Law enforcement explores possibility that a bank robber wearing a Hillary Clinton mask may have actually been Nancy Pelosi with bleached hair.

Joe Klein of Time magazine declared "nothing much happened" in 2010, refused to offer explanation until he had a chance to "wash the stink of ass" from his head.

Hawaii's new governor vows proving Obama was born there will be top priority right after he gets the state to build the world's first ever zoo for unicorns.

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Study Finds Out How Conservatives Think, and That Liberals Don't

I think there is a chance that there is actually something to this.

A study at University College London in the UK has found that conservatives' brains have larger amygdalas than the brains of liberals. Amygdalas are responsible for fear and other "primitive" emotions. At the same time, conservatives' brains were also found to have a smaller anterior cingulate -- the part of the brain responsible for courage and optimism.

If the study is confirmed, it could give us the first medical explanation for why conservatives tend to be more receptive to threats of terrorism, for example, than liberals. And it may help to explain why conservatives like to plan based on the worst-case scenario, while liberals tend towards rosier outlooks.

Get the rest at Raw Story (via Memeorandum)

I don't know anything about the science, I'm not a medical expert like the members of congress who drafted ObamaCare. The conclusions seem pretty feasible though when you consider "liberals tend towards rosier outlooks" is really just a polite way to say they're flexible enough to bury their heads in their asses.

It's how we get government healthcare when the government is running deficits that make the Grand Canyon look like a crack on the sidewalk.

It's why they think raising taxes on an economy that's so dead it makes the Clinton's marriage look alive is a good idea.

Liberals only see the downside to letting psychos have nukes if they vote Republican.

They think they can keep the climate of the ENTIRE world from going too high, and they can't even get plows going to remove the snow that, according to them, isn't even supposed to freakin' be there.

All of those things take A LOT of optimism. So I'll give these "experts" that much.

The only thing that I'm hung up on is that liberals have more courage. I don't know many liberal soldiers. They vote overwhelmingly conservative. I may be mistaken, but didn't the military establish the brig because soldiers protested that punishment by coersion to vote Democrat violated the 8th amendment?

It's like saying Biden is brainless AND brain dead

In fact, liberals are always the ones that want to run from a fight. This alone puts the researchers findings on its head. How can conservatives be scaredy cats AND warmongers?

Then again, I guess it takes a lot of courage to tell people how to live and reduce their "carbon footprint" before diving into a pool at one of your mansions that suck up more energy in a month than the rest of us use in 2 years without heating it first.

To be fair to Al Gore, I'd wager he doesn't think his footprint is made of carbon so much as it's actually more like "optimistic hypocrisy."

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Al Gore, Still Eating Yellow Snowflakes

I did this post almost a year ago, I figured that since the world is freezing once again I would bring it back..

Each "snowflake" represents a headline in the news about how the country is getting colder than date night with the Clintons. Give them a rollover with your mouse and watch Al Gore try to eat his words. (use Firefox or Internet Explorer)

The headlines and links are from last year, I don't know if many (or any) still work. I could update them, but it's all just going to sound the same anyway...

You can see the original post here

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Al Gore's Reminder To Blizzard Blasted New Yorkers...

A year ago Al Gore warned the world that the carbon footprint from his mansions would help vanish snow all over the world.

This year Berlin is seeing the most snow in over a century.

I don't even need to tell you about New York City...

Al Gore says weather is not climate

Click the image to see the full size version.

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