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Why "Progressives" Are Viewed Less Positively Than "Conservatives"

From Rasmussen

A new Rasmussen Reports national telephone survey finds that “conservative” is still the most favored description. Forty-two percent (42%) of Likely U.S. Voters say they view it as a positive if a candidate is described as politically conservative. Twenty-one percent (21%) say it’s a negative description, and 36% rate it somewhere in between the two.

Conservative, in fact, is the only political label other than “moderate” that is a net plus for a candidate...

Being described as a progressive, on the other hand, is a positive for 22% of voters and a negative for 34%, with 41% seeing it in between. But in the previous survey, voters were evenly divided, with 29% saying progressive was a positive description and 28% describing it as a negative. This marks a continuing downward trend for progressive which little over three years ago was slightly more popular than conservative.

See liberals? You're not fooling ANYONE by calling yourselves "progressives." You are the lipstick on a pig!


Progressive: Progressive Chocolate Pie! Get your Progressive Chocolate Pie here!

Voter: Ooooh I love chocolate pie.

Progressive: Well then you're in for a real treat my friend.

Voter: Hey, aren't you the guy that was selling Liberal Chocolate Pie last week?

Progressive: Nope, totally different guy.

Voter: Really? You sound a lot like him. I kind of remember, because men usually don't sound so girly.

Progressive: My friend, I am not that person.

Voter: I hope not, because I bought a Liberal Chocolate Pie last week and the chocolate was actually dog poo.

Progressive: Progressive Chocolate Pies are not made of dog poo. It's tasty chocolate.

Voter: Um, well....alright I'll give one a try. How much?

Progressive: Oh, I don't want your money, here at Progressive Chocolate Pies we barter.

Voter: Uh, okay...what if I don't have anything you want?

Progressive: Everyone has something progressives want, guaranteed.

Voter: ......

Progressive: ......

Voter: what do you want?

Progressive: Your freedom.

Voter: WHAT?!?

Progressive: Ok fine, the American Dream.

Voter: F*@k you man! I'm out of here!

Progressive: WAIT! Ok, because you're a first time customer, and I like you I'm going to cut you a deal. I'll give you a 4 year supply, and all it'll cost are occasional, but temporarily permantent intrusions into your life, but it'll be for your own good.

Voter: For example?

Progressive: Do you want to lose weight?

Voter: ...yeah, I could trim up a bit.

Progressive: We'll tell you what to eat, starting with these pies.

Voter: But thats 4 years of chocolate.

Progressive: These pies don't make you fat.

Voter: ..............what else?

Progressive: Want a lower electricity bill.

Voter: Who wouldn't?

Progressive: We'll tell you what light bulbs to use.

Voter: What if I know better what works for my home?

Progressive: You don't, so how about a lower internet bill.

Voter: You would do that too? It's starting to look like this won't cost me anything.

Progressive: Exactly, if you use less of it then you'll be charged less.

Voter: But what if I use more, I could potentially pay more than I am now, right?

Progressive: ......

Voter: ......

Progressive: So you're all set! Here are your pies.

Voter: Uh....alright. They better be good.

Progressive: They're the best.

Voter: (sniff) What's that....smell? Wait a second!

Progressive: Allsalesarefinalenjoy!


Voter: Awwwww damn it, IT'S POOP AGAIN!


Hat tip to Adam Sandler for inspiration for the ending. :-)