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Roasting President Obama

After watching some video from the White House Correspondence dinner last weekend I thought it might be fun to put together a "roast" Obama should get instead of the softball (yet absolutely hilarious, and is in no way trying to outdo the very professional) offering Seth Myers gave...



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Happy Mother's Day

As I enter my fourth month of fatherhood I've come to realize that I have no flippin' clue how anybody raises a kid on their own. I know I sure as hell can't do this without my AWESOME wife.

If you're a single mom, or the mother of a solider serving abroad, my hat is off to you. You're a TROOPER.

This day isn't just for them...Happy Mothers Day to all mothers. Families would fall apart without you.

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The Ubama Bunch

This is a companion to this post.



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Osama vs Usama, How Do You Spell It?

For all these years we've been told it's "Osama," like he's part Irish. Now I've been seeing Fox News (and other news sources I'm sure) using "Usama." I've had a friend on Facebook ask me what the proper spelling is. Apparently it's both, so I devised a way to help people figure out which version should be used.



**UPDATE** Check out the companion to this post here.

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What Obama's Ground Zero Visit Looks Like, 4 Months Later...

A tale of two victory laps...



If you don't know about the GZM you can learn more at No Mosque At Ground Zero, and Atlas Shrugs.

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Osama's Final Message From Beyond...

Liberals thought it was heaven

When I learned of Osama's death I said he should R.I.H....some people thought the "h" was "hillbillies," others thought "Heather Locklear," which would really bend him out of shape after counting and recounting only 71 virgins.

Others yet thought it was Hervana, which is Nirvana for Buddhist chicks, which is what I read on Wikipedia after I posted it.

Steven Crowder knew what I was getting at.



A lot of people have admonished me for wishing Osama is in Hell. I want to clear the air. I don't wish he's there. I'm ASSUMING he is. I've made educated guesses in my life that haven't panned out, like when I thought even a socialist wouldn't try universal health care with the kind of deficits we have....ha...ha...ha...

I'm not the judge, I'm not a judge. I'm not even qualified to pick out what I'm going to wear to work much less which souls are "in" and which ones are "out." However, I think this is a guess that will probably hold water. Part of me wants to be wrong, because if non-Christian mass murderers don't go to Hell then I'm going to loosen up my life a bit and add jaywalking to my bucket list.

h/t IMAO for the video

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Obama The Pacifist

That's a guy who sells pacifiers...right?


Obama iSuck by crApple


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Obama's Sputnik Moment with Taxes

Frank J at IMAO has it right when he says we've really lost sight of the point of this whole freedom thing. President Obama doesn't waste anytime balancing out his victory over Osama bin Laden by bringing his "crappy president" meter back to 0 with his new proposal to tax on how much we drive.

"The power to tax is the power to destroy" is something people with a brain keep in mind every time the word comes up. That's why liberals love to play in that lion's den, they just don't get it.

Since I guess there is nothing off the table for the government to tax maybe we can put just more than our latest odometer reading on the table...

Environmentalism

  • - Since vegetarians depress demand for beef they will be taxed in anticipation of scientists eventually figuring out the how important it really is to have methane in the atmosphere.
  • - Anyone who agrees to equal civil rights for animals must pay taxes on their behalf.
  • - Carbon credits will now be paid for with a tax on Global Warming summits held at 5 star resorts.
  • - Liberals who own private jets will be taxed by how much exhaust they emit into the air, and a fee will also be assessed for the planes exhaust.

Abortion

  • - A tax will be assessed based on how much in tax collection the government missed out on over the life of the person that wasn't.
  • - If the "mother" was poor, a tax will also be assessed to offset the loss of public sector wages for prisons and schools that is caused by depressing demand for those services. (I didn't invent this, liberals are the ones that say this assumption is a valid reason some teenager in the inner city should abort her child)
  • - An Orwell tax will be applied to Planned Parenthood, since abortion has absolutely nothing to do with either part of that moniker.

Stupidity

  • - ABC would have no choice but to change "The View" to "The Elisabeth Hasselbeck Show."
  • - Joe Biden would now pay us to be Vice President.
  • - A $1000 dollar licensing fee will be required to purchase a bongo or any other object whose sole purpose is to tap or hit with no rhythm while wearing dreadlocks.
  • -Death penalty activism will be regulated and anyone who wants their voice heard can submit an essay that is 100 words or less on why they can't just pretend it's another late term abortion, and pay a $500 essay processing fee.
  • - Democrats can consider taxes on stupidity to be like "paying dues."

Taxation

  • - The ambition levels of every American will be assessed and the world's first truly progressive tax system will be set up to tax Americans with lower ambition at higher levels.
  • - A tax will be assessed to every American that proposes a new tax that hinders liberty and freedom (this list is excluded, obviously)
  • - Put a tax on bad ideas, that way only good ideas, like this one, will see the light of day.
  • - Your own level of taxation will now be based on how much you think other people should pay.

All the stuff we can tax is certainly not limited to the above, the sky is the limit, really. If you want to be honest about it this is really one of those Sputnik moments Obama told us about.

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Obama's Attempts To Fix Biden's Gaffe Problem

This is meant to be a potential solution to Biden's latest blabbermouth move....


Obama orders Bidens mouth shut


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The Government Has Been Fulfilling It's Post bin Laden Role Beautifully

Was finding Osama bin Laden child's play? Maybe the crack team of national security experts our government employs should ask some undergrad geography students...

College kids at UCLA put their beer bongs down long enough to guess with an almost 90% likelihood that Osama was hunkered down where he was found...and they did it TWO YEARS AGO!

In Obama's speech announcing they got him he said he received intelligence of his whereabouts months ago. So something doesn't smell right.

In fact something about all of this stinks, bad, like Michelle Obama's steamed cabbage for the kids bad.

Either the government knew where he was, but they didn't want to go busting down the door of every the mansion standing in Abbottabad, Pakistan. Or they were two years behind a bunch of college kids who should have counter-terrorism jobs lined up for them the second they graduate.

Is it just me or did anyone else notice how everything turned into a big cluster *@*# the second the Seals passed the ball back to this administration?

    Let's give him a funeral in accordance to how he killed our people Muslim tradition

    Don't release the pictures...release the pictures...what if people photoshop them....what if they tag their friends to it on Facebook, will people know it's not really them?

    If we show the photo then that puts to rest a bunch of conspiracy theories, and how could we possibly keep count then?

    Nobody can divulge the identities of who conducted the raid....ok....good.....wait, JOE DID WHAT?!?....

The military did a fantastic job of taking care of Osama.

Meanwhile, the government has been flawlessly protecting its reputation of incompetence.

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