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Newt Gingrich Implodes, and Conservative Wisdom on Weiner's Marriage

While it hasn't been all Weiner all the time, I really do need to move on to more important stuff...like how Newt Gingrich might want to cancel any future vacations until he's as certain as we are he will never win the GOP nomination for president.

Really Newt? Why are you going to Greece NOW. Is Paul Ryan over there trying to help them out, and begging for party poopers to join him? Was not eating the deposit on your cruise worth punting a run for president?

Wow, I was once a huge fan of him running too.....sigh......Ok, back to Weiner.

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The friend at Free Republic, SERKIT, who inspired this post for me shared that he is on a roll inspiring conservative bloggers following this quote regarding Weiner's marriage.

A wedding where a Jew is marrying a Muslim, officiated by an impeached President...What could go wrong?"

h/t OpiniPundit.

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Top 10 Bombshells About Anthony Weiner

I've got to be honest, I'm ready to talk about something else....but this SOB brought it back to the forefront by admitting he did, in fact, Tweet his junk. Then he releases the bombshell that his wife is pregnant....so now I'm not done yet either...

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10. His birth certificate shows his real first and middle names, respectively, are Oscar and Mayer...

9. He hates smart phones because they often refuse to send out his pictures.

8. Even though he's a committed Mets fan, he has been repeatedly caught "liking" The Yankees on Facebook.

7. He was one of the before models for Extense...and the only adult they ever hired for that job.

6. Every mistress, even the ones who only tweeted with him once, has received a copy of Norton's antivirus.

5. There's a rock solid reason he never shares his "tic tacs."

4. He once described his "unit" as "the only conservative bone" in his body.

3. He paid a video game company to make a computer generated version of himself that could have sex with Lara Croft...she turned him down.

2. As a teen he exposed himself so much his female classmates referred to him as "The Big Apple."

1. Weiner owns the patent to Shake Weight.

 

 

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How Weiner Gets in Shape

Weiner exercising with his equipment...



He does so many reps I can see how he builds muscle, but I don't understand why he needs a Shake Weight in the other hand...

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Weiner's Wife Is Pregnant

Yup, its true. His wife has a little Weiner in the oven...and that's how babies are made.

Somebody had to say it! :-)

Seriously though, way to rain on the parade of joy such news is supposed to bring, Anthony. Even writers of Spanish telenovelas aren't this cruel. At least it wont be yet another lie when he says he wants to spend more time with his family...I think...

Somebody...lawyer me...this twist just gave me whiplash.

h/t Memeorandum

***UPDATE***

I texted my wife the news, this is how the conversation went

    Wife: Oh no, that's sad.

    Me: Unbelievably bad timing.

    Wife: There's never a good time to get knocked up by a DB.

You don't have to tell me how lucky I am to have her...I know. At least he cant impregnate the internet. Imagine all the anchor babies we'd have....hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.... :-/ ( that was a VERY bad html coding joke)

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Weiner Should Resign and Endorse Credit Cards For Liberals

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A Modest Proposal to Revive Obama's Branding

USA Today has an article about the need for Obama to revive his brand for the 2012 election. He lost control of it.

I'm not quite sure what that means....



But he needs to find a way to trick people again, and being half way done with his first term, "change" ain't gonna do it for him, because he'd either be asking us to change from him, or asking us to fork over what's left of our money to him.

This was inevitable. The entire campaign was built on a bill of goods, and while conservatives knew back then his rhetoric couldn't deliver results (back then = Karl Marx's birthday) the "no-news junkies" in this joint we call America are starting to figure it out.

If Obama needs a rebrand that will reenergize the country after he powered them in 2009 with a half dead battery, then I have a modest proposall that he goes with what has truly always worked...sex.

It works because in the end he's really selling a lifestyle, and nothing makes wallowing in the left's fecal politics more appealing than naked chicks who dig it.

Does PETA send in the army of unshaven, birkenstock-clad, foot soldiers when they want people to crave vegan food? No! They send in the hot naked chicks to convince people that delicious A1 should really be nothing more than a BINGO square at the Biden household.

Sex works. No other brand will get you the recognition you need better. Think about how until last week only hard-core political junkies and his constituents knew who Anthony Weiner was. Now the question on the lips of the formerly ignorant isn't who he is, but why the news media keeps forgetting to tell us his last name.

This could be a real coup for presidential politics. Instead of putting time, effort, and money into faking substance you could just send out girls who wear nothing except Obama 2012 stickers over their nipples



Ok, not her....

Really though, think about it....it makes sense. Just imagine all of the double entendre and/or innuendo-filled slogans that can fuel a campaign that breaks all the rules like it did in 2008....

    Blowbama.

    Nobody whacks balls more...

    I'm not calling at 3AM to give you hope.

    Taking Responsibility: I like big BUTS and I cannot lie...

    Who wants four more years of me hikin' taxes and bashin' Bush?

    Havin' a 3-way with the Nanny and The State

    The economy is giving me flacid flashbacks.

    Your mom....I'd tax that.

    From Capitalism to Communism: I'll take America to Viagra Falls

    Ask your psychiatrist if you suffered from Premature Immaculatation.

Sure these slogans are more honest than they are flattering, but thats ok because sex clouds our ability to judge anyway. If it didn't we'd be saying "former" Congressman Weiner by now.

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Liberal Scandal Death Match: Bill Clinton vs Anthony Weiner

The major reason conservatives can claim the moral high ground on these kinds of scandals is that we do not defend the offenders. On the other hand liberals, come hell or high water, will defend their guys to the death. Not even a confession breaks their focus.

I feel like there's a typo in his name. Is it Wei... or Wie...?

That's why Assony Weiner refuses to resign. He won't have to because the Democrats use a moral compass points south, and I don't mean Mexico.

They stood by Bill Clinton, and they were wrong there too. This got me to realize that the comparisons between the two scandals are pretty amazing, but who did theirs better?



It looks like Weiner edges out the former president by a nose his wiener! I know, it's not really a death match, unless the death referred to is the greatness of America as a reflection of it's "leadership."

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Hillary Reminds Weiner's Wife That He's A Mere Amateur...

Men, don't cheat. You're gonna get caught. That's not all, others are gonna talk...

Last week I did a post on why this matters. In it I mentioned the legion of liberals defending this guy when he wouldn't even exonerate himself.

As if the blogosphere wasn't enough, Rachel Maddow devoted a segment of her show to floating all the ways Weiner could be innocent...WHILE HE REFUSED TO PROCLAIM IT HIMSELF!

What on earth do you have to say for yourselves now liberals? I don't ask that to gloat, I ask because there was no question whatsoever he did this, and at the risk of sounding like a broken record, he willfully refused to clear himself. So how proud are you all of your defending him now?

That said, I'm sure not all libs are in denial...



Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy!

Thanks for the toon iOwnTheWorld.

***UPDATE***

Now Pelosi wants to see an ethics investigation. Thats interesting since DNC chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz wants to excuse it.....Sounds to me like Nancy might be a woman scorned! ;-D

The rat should, in no uncertain terms, resign, if this investigation is the "A" to that "B" then go for it Nancy.

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Smegma Preservation Is So "Progressive"

San Francisco wants to vote on banning circumcisions of baby boys/anything birthed by Rosie O'Donnell, and now interest in it is spreading across the country...apparently...

(Matthew "I really really REALLY need a life") Hess has created similar legislation for states across the country, but those measures never had much traction. Now he is fielding calls from people who want to organize similar movements in their cities.

“This is a conversation we are long overdue to have in this country,” he said. “The end goal for us is making cutting boys’ foreskin a federal crime.

See the full story here

Don't let the NYT article fool you, this guy has followers that number in the HUNDREDS on Facebook and Twitter. So I guess it's a major victory for what he calls "intactivism" that he managed to get a sensible place like San Francisco to finally hold a vote on what he calls "genital mutilation."

Considering my assumption that the city's namesake, Mr. Francisco, means he must be the patron saint of ass backwards (pun intended), I don't know if this is a victory for this looney toon so much as the people there finally got to that item on their fringe-to-do list.

I wonder if the bill will make exceptions for people who piss them off, for example, real "intactivists" we know and love as "pro-lifers." Far be it for the foreskin lobby to prevent the most tolerant people in the world from tearing into people who disagree with them like Christmas gift wrap.

It would be super awesome if people like Hess took even half of the energy they devote to making a medical procedure that spans millenia first cousins with crimes like kidnapping, and devote it to real childrens rights, like the right to live in the first place.

How does one find a calling like this? Was making manager at McDonalds too high of a bar for someone like Hess? Did some acid trip inspire the idea that smegma could cure cancer if only there was enough of it?

Honestly libs, this is progressive? We've progressed so far that the only crusade left to fight is the war on foreskin? What happened to "keep your laws off my body?"

If San Francisco votes this into law, this would be the perfect opportunity to revise that slogan, for the sake of clarity, to "keep your laws off my infanticidal cravings."

There's always silver lining to a liberal crap sandwich, isn't there?

***UPDATE***

No go on banning circumcision in the people's republic of Santa Monica.

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A Chat With Obama About The Government's Debt

Here's satirical conversation about Obama's view of our debt...


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