So Mr. Osama liked himself some forbidden fruit. Here are some possible titles....I'll try not to be too gross here....that makes it really hard.
10. Burka Bombshells and the Women Who Wear Them.
9. Poke A Hole in My Burka And I'll Show You My Eye Rack.
8. Girls Gone Wild: Naughty Nubile Kneecaps.
7. Two Chicks, One Dynamite Stick
6. Wives Swap
5. Oh My Ewe Can Blow Me Up Anytime
4. Raid my Compound, starring PakAssStan.
3. Wrappy Headed Hoes
2. H-c-c-c-ustlers Married, Prepubescent and Fairly Legal.
1. My Husband Had Me at Hell No.Add a comment
Someone has never seen a picture of Obama shirtless, and thus decided it would be great to make him into a Seal Team 6 action figure.
Some of the features on it include the following:
When it fires the gun from a pitchers mound the bullets don't reach home plate.
The hands cling to the gun with an adhesive that tastes really bitter.
The parts of the toy are easy to detach so it can be spread around to kids whose parents can't afford one.
Can only be played with if other Seal Team 6 figures are around, since it refuses to be anything but lookout.
As a promotional gimmick to sell more of them there is a compartment in the butt, and 1 in 1000 toys has an ObamaCare waiver in it.
Can double as a human shield for the version with Biden.
A bit of trivia, the artwork on the shirt was the original logo for Obama's presidential campaign.
Last, but not least, it can also talk...
Turns out if Biden was on eBay Al Qaeda wouldn't place any bids. Being the president's understudy isn't that impressive to them.
I'm sure being from Delaware doesn't help. I'd bet most people forget it's a state. Guam is in the news more than Delaware.
Poor Biden, he just can't get no respect...ya know?
Add a comment
Sorry Ron Paul supporters, I know you howl like a dog whistle factory in a tornado when he gets criticized, but this is exactly why Trump said he'll never win...
Ron Paul says he would not have authorized the mission that led to the death of Osama bin Laden, and that President Barack Obama should have worked with the Pakistani government instead of authorizing a raid.
"I think things could have been done somewhat differently," Paul said this week. "I would suggest the way they got Khalid [Sheikh] Mohammed. We went and cooperated with Pakistan. They arrested him, actually, and turned him over to us, and he's been in prison. Why can't we work with the government?"
Read the rest at Poltico
Even if he's right, for the sake of argument, these are statements that make a person patently unelectable. Focus groups have found that this ranks right up there with child molestation, the difference being at least those Chesters know they shouldn't run.
For 10 years this psycho hid from us, and Pakistan could've made the search only 10 days if they wanted. Yet Ron Paul thinks we should've ripped the steering wheel out of the column, handed it to them and said "here, you drive."
I usually bite my tongue with this guy for the sake of his supporters that may patronize this blog, and for the sake of his son, who I like.....so far....but this is just too much, even for the guy who thinks even the Civil War was unnecessary.
He shouldn't be president, period. He should follow in his twin brothers footsteps....
....and be the cartoon he really is.Add a comment
Public enemy number.
Pakistan's public frenemy number 1.
The Michael Jordan of hide-and-seek.
All of those sound way better than "movie villian understudy." Maybe Osama didn't hate America so much as the Hollywood rat race made him snap.
Some people find self destruction, I mean, "winning", with sex and drugs. Others find it in jihad.
Dont judge >:-(
Really though, this is one of those "man, i wish I thought of that!" pieces.
Found this at iOwnTheWorld (where else?)Add a comment
CORUSCANT — Obi-Wan Kenobi, the mastermind of some of the most devastating attacks on the Galactic Empire and the most hunted man in the galaxy, was killed in a firefight with Imperial forces near Alderaan, Darth Vader announced on Sunday.
In a late-night appearance in the East Room of the Imperial Palace, Lord Vader declared that “justice has been done” as he disclosed that agents of the Imperial Army and stormtroopers of the 501st Legion had finally cornered Kenobi, one of the leaders of the Jedi rebellion, who had eluded the Empire for nearly two decades. Imperial officials said Kenobi resisted and was cut down by Lord Vader's own lightsaber. He was later dumped out of an airlock....
“For over two decades, Kenobi has been the Jedi rebellion’s leader and symbol,” the Lord of the Sith said in a statement broadcast across the galaxy via HoloNet. “The death of Kenobi marks the most significant achievement to date in our empire’s effort to defeat the rebel alliance. But his death does not mark the end of our effort. There’s no doubt that the rebellion will continue to pursue attacks against us. We must and we will remain vigilant at home and abroad.”
Read the rest at The Galactic Empire Times
I don't know who created this page, but it's simultaneously awesome and offensive. The United States is like the Galactic Empire, HA! The United States isn't that awesome.
Unless it's the real reason we are trillions in debt, we don't actually have the force. Though I will concede somebody learned the Jedi mind trick back in November '08.
Nobody has any lightsabers, unless you count these...
I mean, really, they look like soft serve ice cream...and who's afraid of frozen treats?
Al Gore, and his global warming minions are the only real American Stormtroopers. Even though they're a bunch of weiners, they're not clones, but if we wanted to get super technical then their intellect is pretty artificial.
Also, it was SO hilarious when the Vader mantle was hung around Cheney's neck, but hanging a guy like Vader around the neck of a black president is super racist. To say nothing of the hanging reference.
I fixed the picture so people don't focus on how racist it is to equate the blackness of Darth Vader to a president like Obama.
Add a comment
Apparently Obama owns the word "gutsy" now. If you type "gutsycall.com" into your browser it used to take you to his website, but now it goes to some news story about how gutsy he is.
I've heard Michael Moore is less than impressed with Barack's skills...
That's actually not the gutsiest move he can do. Actually, it's making a complete ass of himself on Twitter.
All these years later and NOW someone tells me that al Qaeda kills innocent people in the name of the fabulously wealthy?!? So Islam really is a religion of peace in the middle east? Humph....
THAT is a gutsy call. If I cared I might envy Moore, he could be the only American that could go to that part of the world and nothing would happen to him because they refuse to touch pig.Add a comment
As Newt Gingrich enters the presidential race the New York Times did an piece on it that had a particular interest in his wife, Callista. I know he's not a fan favorite, but his wife has my vote.
At 45, 22 years her husband’s junior, Mrs. Gingrich always looks perfectly composed. She favors an almost retro look — platinum hair teased and sprayed, bold-colored suits accessorized by a triple strand of pearls or eye-popping diamond jewelry. In college, friends say, she once signed up for an 8 a.m. bowling class and rolled a 200 wearing a pencil skirt.
Based on the way liberals negotiate budget cuts I know this is a dangerous question, but I can't tell...Is 200 more or less than the 37 President Bowlbama once rolled?
It has to be the pencil skirt. Come to think of it, when Obama gave his speech announcing Osama bin Laden's death I don't remember seeing what was going on behind that podium.
Add a comment
It's a good thing the GOP has control of something again, because Obama is now on the immigration warpath.
From USA Today
"One way to strengthen the middle class in America is to reform the immigration system, so that there is no longer a massive underground economy that exploits a cheap source of labor while depressing wages for everybody else," Obama said in El Paso, Texas.
Wait a second how do immigrants depress middle class wages if they're "doing the jobs Americans wont do" anyway? If we are doing those jobs why should we compete with trespassers?
This highlights the point that we would still competing for the same jobs! Normalizing them, bringing them out of the shadows, and creating a surge of supply in labor by dumping them into the "legal" workforce wont depress wages?
Of course they will. Why does the president want to drive down wages?
"Immigration reform is an economic imperative," he added.
It is an economic imperitive for this raised-by-communists president to drive down wages because...They say Republicans are for the rich, Democrats are for the poor. If they need more voters, then they have to make more of who they are for.
"We now have more boots on the ground on the southwest border than at any time in our history," Obama said -- though he added that some Republican politicians will never be satisfied.
"Maybe they'll say we need a moat," Obama said. "Or alligators in the moat."
WHAT?!? They haven't built the damn moat yet? I guess I shouldn't even ask about the energy dome.
If the Hbamas of the world want to sell us on the idea that crowd control is beyond their paygrade, then I don't want to hear one more flippin' word about how we can stop global warming and alter the weather patterns of the entire planet. Their attitude on immigration tells you all you need to know about the sham wow Al Gore is selling...but I digress...
In all seriousness, am I willing to allow some kind of guest worker program, or a way to normalize the people who are already here? If I thought there was even a modicum of seriousness about shutting down the border to future unauthorized crossings, then the answer would be yes.
Anyone who has ever been to Mexico can testify to the fact that it is little more than a country shaped toilet. As a resident of southern California, as the son of an immigrant, and as the husband of a woman whose mother was also an immigrant who raised her miles from the Mexican border, I (and we) appreciate completely the desire to claw your way to something better. Especially when it's literally right under your nose and you can literally taste it in the air.
That's not what this is about for Democrats, their unions see dollar signs, and their politicians see votes. This isn't about freedom and prosperity, it's purely about power. Mexican immigrants don't see this, how could they? Even if ("if"...look at me being all polite) liberal lust for power drags the quality of life down to half of what it is now it would still be 50% better than what they have south of here.
Liberals completely take advantage of the fact that most of the country doesn't live near the border, and fear that Taco Bell isn't going to make itself. They also know most of the country has no idea how unappreciative too many of them are to be here, and they would rather bring Mexico here than become American. That's not true of all illegal immigrants, not by a long shot, but anything less than 100% appreciation is way too little.
Don't look to the GOP to save us, because they have little to no outreach in the hispanic community they'll go with whatever doesn't let this issue eat them alive like Michael Moore attacking ice cream before they even extract the milk from the cow.
Since Hispanics are a typically socially conservative bunch, I would go along with any compromise they would want to strike if I knew they were serious about rectifying this problem. It's not like I don't see the value of normalizing illegal immigrants! I like my debit card, so it would be pretty awesome if the best taco stands here in Socal weren't cash only.
In the end that's the real solution to dealing with this illegal immigration floodgate. As long as Democrats control states like California, and liberals in the media screen the truth from the 46 states that don't border Mexico this fight is futile, and simple pandering ain't gonna cut it.
Besides, conservatism gets them the freedom and economic prosperity they're looking for, and it's about time the Republican party got serious about making that case. If the GOP lets the hispanic vote become a monolith for Democrats this country will be desitined for totalitarianism.
We can't beat 'em. So we need to invite them to join us.Add a comment
That and more liberal logic (hey, did you know that liberal opinions are "objective?") in another homerun by Battlefield315.
In these tough times we live in it's really cute how Alexander Burns over at Politico is trying his hand at comedy. He wrote this wildly hilarious piece about how Obama has "dashed" his Jimmy Carter label because he got Osama bin Laden.
That's a knee slapper, right? Oh wait, that was just the setup. Here's the punchline.
[E]ven if [Osama bin Laden] is caught tomorrow, it is five years too late. He has done more damage the longer he has been out there. But, in fact, the damage that he has done … is done. And even to capture him now I don't think makes us any safer.
-Nancy Pelosi, September 7, 2006
The death of Osama bin Laden marks the most significant development in our fight against al-Qaida. … I salute President Oblahblah...
Nancy Pelosi, May 3, 2011
(via Michelle Malkin....that last part about President "Oblahblah" may have been me, editorializing)
By her own admission, when she wanted the country to make her speaker, not only is this achievement insignificant, it's actually totally meaningless.
The guys at Politico didn't get that message, they think the death of bin Laden is the messiah's messiah, AND-HE-HAS-BEEN-SAVED!
How did they know that conservatives were only saying Obama was like Jimmy Carter because Osama bin Laden was still alive. We really thought people would mistakenly think we were talking about the ENTIRE package:
His feckless handling of the economy with stimulus that did anything but focus on the real engine of economic growth, private sector jobs.
His ineffectual Arab world grovel-fest in Cairo, the only thing missing from that speech was him giving it in a burka.
Using the presidency as a platform to lobby for the Olympics to come to Chicago, and he couldn't even get a gold star for it.
His failure to get world leaders to fawn over him at the global warming summit in Copenhagen (which took place during record cold temperatures) like he was the cause of it.
The underwear bomber getting Miranda rights before he could say "that's not a bomb in my pants, I'm just happy to see Allah's virgins."
Remember his lightning fast cat-like reflexes when BP made history by electing the Gulf Coast to be the first half-black ocean in American History.
The Times Square bomber (I forget, even though they got their guy is the Tea Party still a suspect in that case?).
His pathological need to pander to the nations chiropractor demographic by constantly bowing before other world leaders.
The only thing hands on about his leadership is the grip of his golf club.
Issuing a moratorium on our offshore drilling so he could don the mantle of President DB.
His support for a mosque at Ground Zero so Jeremiah Wright can finally point to an actual place where America's chickens are roosting.
Lets not even forget that there is no precedence for military successes to lock up reelection for an incumbent president. If that were the case Bill Clinton would've been a footnote in history thanks to Bush 41's approval skyrocketed way past where Obama is now after whooping Saddam Hussein.
I know when writing "articles" designed to rehabilitate a president it's hard to see reality when your point of view comes from the inside of said president's ass, but the fact is the only thing about Obama that conservatives weren't putting him on the Carter pedestal for was failing to kill Osama bin Laden.
It is interesting, though, to know that until now liberals didn't exactly disagree with the notion that we was Carter's reincarnation. That they think that "phase" is over is now just the latest addition to the LONG list of things they're wrong about.Add a comment
After watching some video from the White House Correspondence dinner last weekend I thought it might be fun to put together a "roast" Obama should get instead of the softball (yet absolutely hilarious, and is in no way trying to outdo the very professional) offering Seth Myers gave...
As I enter my fourth month of fatherhood I've come to realize that I have no flippin' clue how anybody raises a kid on their own. I know I sure as hell can't do this without my AWESOME wife.
If you're a single mom, or the mother of a solider serving abroad, my hat is off to you. You're a TROOPER.
This day isn't just for them...Happy Mothers Day to all mothers. Families would fall apart without you.Add a comment
For all these years we've been told it's "Osama," like he's part Irish. Now I've been seeing Fox News (and other news sources I'm sure) using "Usama." I've had a friend on Facebook ask me what the proper spelling is. Apparently it's both, so I devised a way to help people figure out which version should be used.
**UPDATE** Check out the companion to this post here.Add a comment
A tale of two victory laps...
When I learned of Osama's death I said he should R.I.H....some people thought the "h" was "hillbillies," others thought "Heather Locklear," which would really bend him out of shape after counting and recounting only 71 virgins.
Others yet thought it was Hervana, which is Nirvana for Buddhist chicks, which is what I read on Wikipedia after I posted it.
Steven Crowder knew what I was getting at.
A lot of people have admonished me for wishing Osama is in Hell. I want to clear the air. I don't wish he's there. I'm ASSUMING he is. I've made educated guesses in my life that haven't panned out, like when I thought even a socialist wouldn't try universal health care with the kind of deficits we have....ha...ha...ha...
I'm not the judge, I'm not a judge. I'm not even qualified to pick out what I'm going to wear to work much less which souls are "in" and which ones are "out." However, I think this is a guess that will probably hold water. Part of me wants to be wrong, because if non-Christian mass murderers don't go to Hell then I'm going to loosen up my life a bit and add jaywalking to my bucket list.
h/t IMAO for the videoAdd a comment