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Rejected Obama 2012 Stickers

These demographics sadly wont be pandered to, at least not by Obama's campaign...

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Dr. Paul Ryan Highlights A Lack of A Certain Liberal Drug Problem

Weird way to put it, I know....but it feels appropriate after the reaction to Ryan's Wall Street Journal editorial and budget coming out party.

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Paul Ryan, A Monkey Wrench in the Liberal Waste Race

Who the hell does this Paul Ryan guy think he is? We were doing fine until he came out with this nonsense in the Wall Street Journal.

This was the Democrats Sputnik moment, the United States has been a world leader in a lot of things, but not nation ending debt. I'd love to say what happened in Greece put them in a cold sweat, but pigs can't sweat so they really had to get to work building up our debt because it's all about USA 'til YOU CAN'T PAY.

I wonder how George Stephanopolous and Arianna Huffington feel about all of this. Are they torn between their Greek homeland and the rush of the U.S. finally regaining its ability to crush the competition at something? Whose side will they fall on in the Great Waste Race.

And what about innovation? Yes we can, win the future of defaulting with the same old hackneyed welfare state pump up, but if Obama wants to walk the talk he'll need to come up with some more creative ways to piss away our fiscal integrity. This doesn't have to be an end unto itself either, there are ways to do this that help realize other "progressive" wet dreams to become reality.

    We could retrofit our money printers with a nozzle that blasts the money into the air, transport it to a cruise ship, and sail the arctic. If we don't "go green" restoring balance to the climate by blocking out the sun, we do it by making Greenland live up to its name with greenbacks.

    We could do away with all light bulbs by mandating a return of torches fueled with gas soaked money.

    We could encase Paul Ryan in a paper mache tomb, using only $100 bills, not unlike the size and scope of the Egyptian pyramids. Pending a successful outcome this process can be expanded to include all conservatives in the country.

Those are just a few ideas off the top of my head. Just think of all the good ideas that Democrats could come up with behind closed doors and 2000 pages to work with.

One option not on the table is brainwashing Congressman Ryan into becoming a fellow liberal. That option doesn't actually waste any money, much less even spend enough to beat Greece.

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Democrats Come Up With A "Final Solution" For The Budget Deficit

Democrats final solution to budget deficit

Click the image to see a larger version.

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The Budget Fight Reveals that Liberals are Literally Looney Tunes

Bill Clinton is confident that a government shutdown will only hurt the GOP. I'm betting he's basing this on the "fact" that the 1995 shutdown is credited with saving his presidency.

In other news a new poll shows people think the GOP is being seen as more reasonable in this budget fight.

NO Duh!

I don't know why, but for some reason Democrats predict politics like they're sports statisticians. This can be a huge problem for them because precedent is meaningless when it has to answer to context.

Why is Obama not going to have the same good fortune?

His presidency runs on a parallel universe to the Clinton Administration of a generation ago. It was a completely different reality back then

    We were high on life after beating the Soviets
    The Internet was exploding the economy
    Nobody could answer American power and it created a sense of invincibility
    The media didn't have the stronger conservative voice that exists today
    We had to invent grunge music to bring the good times back down to earth.

Obama has none of this, and the biggest difference of all is that the debt and deficits in the 90's were a small fraction of what they are now. He isn't winning the battle to make the GOP look like obstinate bean counters because we are now standing at the edge of a fiscal cliff and the fight now doesn't seem pointless.

This actually proves my long-standing belief that Democrats are literally a bunch of Looney Tunes. They're ready to let the deficits continue because they're not worried about taking us over the cliff so long as we don't look down.

This revelation explains everything! It's like Enchanted, only with Warner Brothers and insanity:

Bugs Bunny, the Roadrunner, and Speedy Gonzalez all outsmart these morons too much to be libs themselves

    Barney Frank is really Elmer Fudd
    George Stephanopolous is Tweetie Bird
    Bill Clinton is Foghorn Leghorn
    Chris Matthews is Daffy Duck without the Ritalin
    Michelle Obama is, I'm not gonna say it
    John Kerry is an unbathed Pepe Lepew
    Michael Moore is the Tazmanian Devil after figuring out that he doesn't need to burn calories spinning his body (just the facts in his movies) to eat everything in sight
    Joe Biden is the love child of Wile E Coyote and Sylvester the Cat
    If you gave Yosemite Sam stilts and a razor for his moustache you get Janet Reno
    President Obama is Marvin the Martian (which is why they can't find his birth certificate in Hawaii)

That's why they are completely unconcerned about our fiscal armageddon. They live in a world where tunnels are built by painting them on a wall, bombs only char the tips of your hair, an anvil to the head leaves a nasty bump, and none of that can possibly be less consequential than pissing away money trillions of dollars that don't exist in the first place.

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A Tale of Two Obama Campaign Launches

Last August I posted a list of Slogans for Obama's 2012 campaign, you can check them out here.

So lefties are all atwitter with Obama announcing his reelection campaign. Here's the kickoff where supporters gleefully proclaim how they can't wait to get started on the good work (as opposed to continuing it)...

He's the president, he wants to run again, and he's the biggest showman we've ever had in the of course he's going to roll out the red carpet for himself. I know the video is meant to reflect humility and grassroots. It's all he has. I mean, come on..."It begins with us?"

Vacations you can believe in

The man is running for reelection, he shouldn't be BEGINNING anything because it begs the question "what were you doing for 4 years?"

Alright alright, enough carping about Obama's video. If I have to say anything positive it would be that I'm glad it didn't end up being a slide show of all the times he made par.

By the way, the NRSC came out with a video of their own that's a little more in touch with reality...

h/t Future Voices of America.

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Biden's Morning Cup 'O Joe

The latest addition to the "Biden the April Fool" collection.

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Failed "Progressive" Intellect

For the uninitiated, this is Markos Moulitsas (the Daily Kos guy), the Rush Limbaugh of "progressive" bloggers. This video is part of a series that was made back in 2008 "Failed Conservative Values." (Since I just found it - thanks iOwnTheWorld - let's talk about it now!)

I triple dog dare you watch this video in it's entirety...

If you checked out at 0:15 because you got nausea when Kos's eyes almost popped out when he started "thinking," all is forgiven. I personally had one of those "never again" moments, which then gave me PTSD flash backs to my first year away at college when I hooked up with a bottle of Bacardi.

This was worse. If you visit the IOTW link above you'll see two videos that are even more horrendous than this one.

One man's landfill is another professor's university

Liberals spew a lot of garbage, and this was the worst kind. I call it styrofoam logic, because its not useful for very long, easily disposable, and because its not biodegradable throwing it away from the world just creates a landfills of intellectual garbage.

Oh, and it can't stand the heat, so a flame will easily vaporize it.

Kos said a lot, but the thesis, if it's even possible to assign one to this meandering rant, is "conservatives are delusional."

Conservatives want to shrink government, therefore they create a "sh*tty government" to manufacture the illusion it doesn't work so they can have an excuse to eliminate swatches of it?

That sounds a little convoluted, I'll rephrase it a bit and hopefully it will make more sense....

Conservatives, according to Kos, think there should be less government, so when the voters put them in charge of it they dazzle them with intentional incompetence in order to justify arguments to shrink it.

To prove this point Kos uses FEMA to remind the camera, and his imagination, that Bush succeeded in this goal by appointing someone not at all qualified to direct it, Mike Brown, who then went on to botch the handling of Hurricane Katrina.

As we all remember, Bush promply used this failure of government to disband FEMA (because he didn't want to let this crisis go to waste) and award Brown the Presidential Medal of Freedom. Democrats were left so speechless by this fantastically successful coup of conservatism that they were completely unable to use it against Bush or the GOP for the remainder of Bush's presidency. This cemented the reign conservative government shrinking terror in a way Harold Ramis and Disney could've never dreamed up when they teamed up to film "Honey I Shrunk The Kids."

Who is the one suffering delusion here?

This is one of the brightest becons of "progressive" intellect out there people! He just told you conservatives screw up ON PURPOSE to score ideological points. It doesn't get more illogical than that!

"Vote for us so we can bumble bureaucracy into oblivion."

What kind of reelection campaign message is that?!? Why would conservatives want to screw up only to provoke voters into vomiting them out of office, thus bringing in liberals who will go hog wild, like they did after 2008, and "undo" all the apparent progress that was made?

Circling back to Disney, where the heck were guys like Kos when Walt was trying to put together Fantasy Land? I mean, even Lewis Carroll would kill his buzz.

Conservatives don't wish to see a smaller scope of government for the sake of it. This belief stems from the notion that market driven solutions, spurred by competition, do more to improve lives and responsiveness to peoples' needs more than anything government can do. The superior results of this system, juxtaposed against a monopolistic bureaucratic system with no accountability because it has no higher power to be accountable to, is the 800 pound gorilla that the left ignores because THEY are the delusional ones.

All one has to do to understand this is true is compare their "customer" service experience at any private sector business against their interaction with any government agency. The result is something that has been such a truism for decades now that I could have rested my case there and saved myself a few hundred words.

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Biden's Cone of Silence

The latest addition to the "Biden the April Fool" collection.

Unlike Don Adams this guy wont "get smart."


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Practical Jokes for Liberals

April Fools Day seems like a good day for this list...they're not all "practical" jokes, some of these are just ways to mess with them.


Every April 1st send a birthday card to the Democratic Party.

Tell some really hunky member of PETA that he's a beefcake (you might have better luck hunting unicorn).

Accuse a liberal of plagiarizing Biden every time they burp.

Go the the Sierra Club office/treehouse and hang a sign outside the bathroom reminding the tree huggers of the Golden Rule, therefore toilet paper is hereby banned from use.

Attend a speech given by Rahm Emanuel, make that beeping censor noise every time he talks, except when he drops an F-bomb.

Convince people to register Democrat by promising membership involves lots of conveniently unspecific screwing.

Send PETA a cease and desist order from People for the Ethical Treatment of Real Ocean Life (PETROL) informing them the pens their offices use use ink extracted from squid.

Get the Koch brothers to sponsor a mailing of autographed pictures of Scott Walker to all Democrats, yes, all of them.

Petition the U.N. to make April 1st Global Warming Day.

Get 10 friends together to watch MSNBC at the same time to create a mysterious ratings spike.

Barge into a Planned Parenthood with a crying baby in your arms and demand your money back.

Go to any Democratic headquarters and announce that you are a registered Republican and your tired of the way President Obama has been treated and you're ready to show your support for him by re-registering to Kenyan.

Potentially start a Pakistani Muslim-esque riot by placing a personal ad on Craigslist in San Francisco titled "Looking For Love in all the Wrong Places" under the name G. Bush.

Distribute "special" brownies at demonstrations to legalize pot...neglect to mention they're special because they're made with Ex-lax.

Go into an uber-hipster coffee shop and throw a fit when they wont give you an off menu item, like coffee.

Ask every long haired hippie man you see for their autograph and that you love them on The View.

Photoshop years out of Nancy Pelosi's Wikipedia photo to make her look 70.

Brag to your liberal friends that you've decided to be friendlier to the environment by taking your bike everywhere you go, and then prove it by showing them how you keep it in the trunk of your car.

Do the magic trick where you pull a coin out of a Democrat's ear, but instead of a coin use a mini plastic brain.

Make them breathe a sigh of relief by telling them Helen Thomas is now registered Republican.

Get liberals to sign a petition forcing a Jeopardy showdown between the super-computer WATSON and TOTUS.

Barge into Planned Parenthood with a wire hanger and brag about how they taught you everything you know about choice.

Program the auto correct feature on their word processor to change words like "revolution" and "fair share" and "progressive," or anything else that sounds like liberal whining into "I <3 Reagan."

Change the nationality of every Democrat bio on Wikipedia to "Hell."

Make national news by starting a CNN fan club.

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