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Scalpels Are For Doctors, Not Trillion Dollar Deficits

House Republicans have proposed cutting or eliminating dozens of government programs as part of a plan they say will save up to $74 billion, kicking off what is sure to be a vigorous debate on Capitol Hill over what to keep and what to slash. 

The cuts are nevertheless wide-ranging. According to the proposal, Republicans want to cut the following: 

-- $169 million from nuclear energy 
-- $593 million from the Internal Revenue Service
-- $74 million from the FBI
-- $379 million from NASA 

More at Fox News

I think the $379 million cut for NASA is supposed to be the set-aside for bribing Muslims.

Also, $169 million for nuclear energy?!? That's just whats being cut...what is the number they get now? I don't want to are we spending so much on energy we don't really produce?

At the risk of compromising the depth of the cuts the GOP wants to make I'd like to suggest a modest proposal to give it to me instead to fund the federal "Let Jared Retire at 30 Act."

It's a big win win win...the government is still saving some money and nuclear energy and I get millions of dollars doing nothing for the country.

I don't plan on keeping much of my tax free (did I forget to mention that?) $169 million dollars. I'm actually going to stimulate the economy with it by bribing Democrats in Congress to just vote "present" from now on.

Of course, this will need to be worked into the budget every year. But the ROI would be too good to be true.

That's not exageration by the way. Steny Hoyer says the cuts lack substance and elaborated with:

We have to be smart about cutting government spending. Democrats want to reduce spending by cutting waste and excess like government giveaways to oil companies, but Republicans are already pushing extreme measures like privatizing or making deep cuts in Social Security

Wow, now THAT was some substance! The the endings of Disney movies are less predictable than that answer.

I don't know how to be smart about cutting trillion dollar deficits, but if these idiot Dems hand us a scalpel I'm just going to use it to lobotomize them so the GOP can go back to using a chainsaw.

Then I'll get to keep my bribe money.