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Conservative Satire Headlines January 3, 2011

House GOP breaks Pledge to America on first day back in power by authorizing federal funds to pay for liberal grief counselors, hazmat team for Pelosi.

Speaking for House Democrats Pelosi declares GOP will repeal ObamaCare "over my already dead body."

Speaking for Senate Democrats Reid declares GOP will repeal ObamaCare "over Ted Kennedy's fermented body."

Analysts speculate Michael Steele dreads RNC chair debate only slightly less than the public dreads watching it.

Poll finds majority continue to oppose government funded heath care unless its paying for Valium and straight jackets for Alan Grayson.