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A List of New Years Resolutions for "Progressives"

Give more and be more charitable with other peoples money.

Find more legitimate reasons to have an abortion for convenience.

Watch what I eat, since Michelle Obama wont let me eat what I eat.

Quit smoking, the president needs them more than I do.

Support gay marriage by trying it out.

Work harder with others at building bridges over border fences.

Stop using the race card as a crutch

Rewrite the Constitution on Wikipedia.

Fight for a world with less A-bombs and more F-bombs.

Institute Don't Ask Don't Tell policy on all one night stands.

Reduce toilet paper usage to one square, Joe Biden's mouth needs them more than I do.

Build up a tolerance to the toxins in energy efficient lightbulbs.

Build up my vegan tolerance for the fake meat tofu.

Attend AA to kick the alcoholism caused by drinking games played during Biden speeches.

Become smarter than a 5th grader (or is it become more smarter?).

Try to see the inner beauty in everyone, or the outer beauty of Helen Thomas. (whatever ends up being easier)

Help make Al Gore even more rich so he can have a better chance at stopping global warming.

Stop letting the kids watch Joe Biden on TV and have them tune in to real cartoons.

Maintain balance with mother nature by reducing my carbon footprint by as much as Al Gore increases his.

Stock up on guns white flags...just in case.

Learn how to shoot the guns read an English to Chinese dictionary....just in case

Learn which direction Mecca is in...just in case.