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Conservative Satire News February 11, 2011

After accusing the GOP of turning Capitol Hill into a "clogged toilet" Sheila Jackson Lee (D-TX) is that it was her party that was flushed in record numbers in the last election.

Standing accused of appeasing the Muslim Brotherhood Obama apologizes for the indiscretion and promises any possible perception of future support will be less ambiguous.

White House rejects the notion that Egypt's celebration of Mubarak's resignation is an example of the kind of hope other presidents can bring to their people.

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So Who's Ready for a President Trump?

When your brain is trying to juggle all of the Republican choices for president, Mitt, Palin, Pawlenty, Santorum...did you make any room in that noggin for...Donald Trump?

He told the crowd (at CPAC) that he would decide by June whether or not he would enter the Republican presidential primary. Trump said the Obama administration had badly bungled almost all aspects of policy – foreign and domestic.

“The United States has become a whipping post for the rest of the world,” he said. “The world is treating us without respect -- they are not treating us properly.”

See the rest (and even a video...ooooooh) at The Note

He's right that the world has lost respect for us. For eight years the left deluded themselves into thinking that all we needed was a president that would display a humility the rest of us knew would be taken as weakness. With each passing day the right is proven to be increasingly correct about this.

But, does Donald Trump really think he'd be the one to bring it? Maybe he could be a "respect consultant."

Or Respect Czar?

Come to think of it, why even bring government into the solution when a real conservative would just use their business acumen to parlay the idea into profit...

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Egypt is "Free"...Right?

It appears that Mubarak finally read the hieroglyphics the wall of his political sarcophagus. While this is good news for the people of Egypt, who no doubt must be happy they don't have to live under his thumb any longer, Wolverine at iOwnTheWorld provides a sober reminder.

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Conservative Satire News February 10, 2011

After postulating a possible run for president Donald Trump praises Ron Paul as a "good guy" but has "zero chance" to actually be elected president without a cool, huge comb over.

Donning fake glasses and taking an oddly serious tone, Biden speculates that Mubarak may actually be physically unable to actually "step aside" as Egypt's president because his advanced age may have caused him to forget how to "walk like an Egyptian."

The Director of National Intelligence issues a shocking statement admonishing people to know that the Muslim Brotherhood is a largely secular organization relative the Tea Party, or people who believe in global warming.

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GOP Buffoons Like Chris Lee Know How the GOP Spells "Hypocrisy"

That the media harbors animus toward all things right of center is a secret that is guarded about as closely as

As a result, Republicans have to be better than good because even the most innocuous stuff gets taken out of context.

Being better than the Dems shouldn't be very difficult, because we ARE better than them. It's like I put it last fall.

The right isn't perfect, but we're better, and more adult than the immature left. We champion moral values because we think they're still important, and actually central to upholding the Judeo-Christian ethic the nation was founded on.


Hypocrisy... R-E-S-I-G-N ...hypocrisy

That depends on how the GOP chooses to spell out what that means to them.

This is one of the few exceptions where I really think Reagan's 11th commandment need not apply. Idiocy like what now former-Congressman Chris Lee pulled would slide if he was a Democrat, not only because the media would be biased in their coverage, but also because the left has no actual sense of morality. That's why the personal failings of the lemmings on their side of the cliff are hung on the refrigerator, cherished, and bragged about like the messy pre-school fingerpaintings they are.

Yeah, they look like utter crap, but there's no wrong way to do it anyway. So they're all actually masterpieces!

Yes, it was called "Chez Mantry"

Liberals, I know you think this is a bunch of partisan bluster, and I'm only saying all of this because I'm a conservative on my high horse that- HEY! Wasn't it recently re-elected Barney Frank's boyfriend who was running a gay brothel out of Barney's pantry?

Lefties could be caught cannibalizing babies, and it wouldn't even be a scandal to other liberals unless they were loaded with trans fats.

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Liberals Like To Fix What Ain't Broke...

From Right Change

h/t iOwnTheWorld

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A Conservative's Choice For Best Picture

I'm certainly not the first to come up with this angle...check out an excellent "Socialist Network" piece at The People's Cube.

Become a Facebook fan of "Can the American Dream get more fans than ObamaCare?" here.

There is also a Facebook page for "Can the ObamaCare get more fans than the American Dream?" here.

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Conservative Satire News February 9, 2011

GOP Congressman Christopher Lee resigns after shirtless pictures from Craigslist surface. The outraged congressman swears the photos had been doctored, explaining he was fairly certain he wasn't wearing pants either.

Senator Jim Webb (D-VA) announced today that he will not seek a second term and his desire to "not have a life in politics" is not code for "a rematch with George Allen makes macaca my pants."

After announcement of a merger with the Huffington Post AOL loses $315 million in stock, plunging the internet company into debt by approximately $315 million.

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Scalpels Are For Doctors, Not Trillion Dollar Deficits

House Republicans have proposed cutting or eliminating dozens of government programs as part of a plan they say will save up to $74 billion, kicking off what is sure to be a vigorous debate on Capitol Hill over what to keep and what to slash. 

The cuts are nevertheless wide-ranging. According to the proposal, Republicans want to cut the following: 

-- $169 million from nuclear energy 
-- $593 million from the Internal Revenue Service
-- $74 million from the FBI
-- $379 million from NASA 

More at Fox News

I think the $379 million cut for NASA is supposed to be the set-aside for bribing Muslims.

Also, $169 million for nuclear energy?!? That's just whats being cut...what is the number they get now? I don't want to are we spending so much on energy we don't really produce?

At the risk of compromising the depth of the cuts the GOP wants to make I'd like to suggest a modest proposal to give it to me instead to fund the federal "Let Jared Retire at 30 Act."

It's a big win win win...the government is still saving some money and nuclear energy and I get millions of dollars doing nothing for the country.

I don't plan on keeping much of my tax free (did I forget to mention that?) $169 million dollars. I'm actually going to stimulate the economy with it by bribing Democrats in Congress to just vote "present" from now on.

Of course, this will need to be worked into the budget every year. But the ROI would be too good to be true.

That's not exageration by the way. Steny Hoyer says the cuts lack substance and elaborated with:

We have to be smart about cutting government spending. Democrats want to reduce spending by cutting waste and excess like government giveaways to oil companies, but Republicans are already pushing extreme measures like privatizing or making deep cuts in Social Security

Wow, now THAT was some substance! The the endings of Disney movies are less predictable than that answer.

I don't know how to be smart about cutting trillion dollar deficits, but if these idiot Dems hand us a scalpel I'm just going to use it to lobotomize them so the GOP can go back to using a chainsaw.

Then I'll get to keep my bribe money.

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Let's Stop Giving Foreign Aid, Then The World Can Hate Us For Free

Another one knocked out of the park from YouTube user Battlefield315.

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