St. Patrick's Day is the perfect time to tell some liberal limericks!
The lefties think that they're progressive
A name change thats really obessive
Liberalism ain't right
Socialism shines a light
That the devil would find more impressive
Joe Biden has said "see you later"
To anything resembling good behavior
It's a big effing deal
That he outsmarts a wheel
But he's not smarter than a 5th grader
Pelosi used to be the House Speaker
With eyes that bug out like tweeker
Her sense of disgrace
Is as loose as her face
When her botox is watered down weaker
Anthony Weiner's a name one should pity
But he's perfect to rep New York City
He's speaks so wrongly so loudly
And he does so quite proudly
'Cuz his namesake is so itty bitty
Chuck Schumer is a big freakin' dork
No wonder he hails from New York
He's full of lib thoughts
'Cuz his parents never got
His brain delivered from the stork
Nevadans can gamble and be merry
But their Dem senator is pretty scary
He's kind of Clint Eastwood
In one sense 'cuz he should
Actually be called "Turdy Harry"
The U.S. runs trillions in deficit
Then Dems wanna know "where's the rest of it?"
They don't get that we're broke
'Cuz they're morons and jokes
Thinking money's like milk from a mother's tit
MSNBC is like a sad person single
The public just doesn't wanna mingle
There's much better choices
Than watching men act like boys with
The president causing them tingles
So I focused on the rest of the gang this time.Add a comment
Dont worry, even though it's non-alcoholic it'll still mess you up.Add a comment
Apparently this is really him...
Can I get a little reverb....REEEEEEEEMIX!!!!
These videos are not at all new, but I thought today was the perfect day to post here. Happy St. Patricks Day Mr. Vice President.Add a comment
Inspired by World events test 'No Drama Obama' at Politico
10. His closest advisor goes by the code name Obonga.
9. You would feel no drama too if YOUR logo practically reinvented the wheel.
8. Since last spring when his staff stresses out he tells them to take an "oil spill pill."
7. He made Hillary Secretary of State because he wanted to fundamentally transform that job into something more...secretarial.
6. Obonga has him confusing Japan's nuclear troubles with Michelle's atomic wedgies.
5. While he tours Rio de Janeiro only meltdown he's going to worry about down there is his ice cream.
4. Sorry Japan, his date to March Madness is a little thing called the NCAA.
3. When throwing the first pitch at baseball games Obonga makes home plate seem a lot closer than it really is.
2. He is totally cool with the idea of Cameron Diaz playing him in the movie adaptation of "There's Something About Barry."
1. Leadership? Pshh! Golf balls are the only thing he's interested in taking a whack at.Add a comment
Most commentators refrain from voicing endorsements for political office. It's generally a prudent thing to do. They don't want to alienate their audience, and if they're wrong it can hurt their credibility. Especially if they do it when there isn't even a campaign yet.
I have a personal favorite choice, but you will only know my take on the field as objectively as I can possibly put it.
I can give you a hint as to who my favorite suddenly isn't...well...I won't give you the hint. I'm going to let the ultimate liberal trophy wife, Meghan McCain, give it in her own words...
"My personal favorite right now is Mitt Romney," she said. "I like that he's not so radical. I like that he has really, really played his cards right, almost perfectly since the last election."
More at The Marietta Daily Journal
I know....it's hard to believe that such an eloquently stated endorsement makes me want to vomit with glee like a bulimic with food poisoning.
Romney must be, like, SOOOOO thrilled! We haven't even had one single solitary debate yet and she thinks Mitt has "really (comma) really played his cards right?"
Based on what? A few Fox News appearances?
I HIGHLY recommend reading the article, linked above. There are many more gems from the McCain mine where that came from. Here is my favorite...
"We're going against the Obama machine, which even if it's a little less bright and shiny than it once was it's still the Obama machine," she said. "And we need something intense to really showcase exactly what his administration is doing wrong. And not get caught up in the fray."
..........................I'm lost, when she says we need something "intense" to challenge Obama's "bright and shiny" machine, what does she have in mind? Neon lip gloss?
And what's the nonsense about avoiding "the fray?" The object of politics is to win "the fray." Did daddy get into Meghan's notes again.
I've heard the gravitational pull of black holes in space are powerful enough to stop even light in its tracks. If thats true then we need to dispatch Megs to Japan, and stat!
If you can't tell how much I despise this girl check out my post from September 2010 detailing why
I think she is the most annoying Republican of all.
The fear that a nuclear cloud could float from the shores of Japan to the shores of California has some people making a run on iodine tablets. Pharmacists across California report being flooded with requests.
State and county officials spent much of Tuesday trying to keep people calm by saying that getting the pills wasn't necessary, but then the United States surgeon general supported the idea as a worthy "precaution."
U.S. Surgeon General Regina Benjamin is in the Bay Area touring a peninsula hospital. NBC Bay Area reporter Damian Trujillo asked her about the run on tablets and Dr. Benjamin said although she wasn't aware of people stocking up, she did not think that would be an overreaction. She said it was right to be prepared.
More at NBC Bay Area
The article then goes on to reaffirm California officials saying the tablets are only needed for people who live in close proximity, like 10 miles, to a nuclear event.
Great, this leaves one final question: WTF do we have a Surgeon General for? What do they do? As far as I can tell they're like European Monarchs, everyone wets their pants with excitement over a title and general pronouncements about health even Charlie Sheen would know.
Don't smoke, eat healthy, exercise, remember to breathe, Michelle is exempt from the rules, and everybody poops...will the Senate confirm me NOW!
Can the Surgeon General barge into hospital and start calling all the other doctors "soldier" and interns "privates?"
Is she even a doctor?!? Why would the Surgeon General tell Californians to buy iodine tablets when other experts say it's absolutely not necessary? Does she know something we don't?
Or maybe she has an atomic wedgie that she's about to pick out?
Sorry NOW I'm being ridiculous, and a little harsh. Clearly, Surgeon Generals are meant to perform the prime directive of anyone who wants to be an agent of the federal government...fecklessly giving bad advice to the public.Add a comment
I know it pisses off liberals to ask them if they are patriotic...but....
Check out more videos like this one at Battlefield315's YouTube Channel here.
I know Michelle Bachmann has her fans, but are even they taking the talk of her running for president seriously?
Don't get me wrong, I've personally liked her since the first time I saw her give an interview at the 2008 RNC. I never thought she would experience the populist rise that she has had since then, but good for her for it.
While entertaining and funny this doesn't suggest she's serious...
Republican Congresswoman Michele Bachmann is not afraid to continue to beat the birth certificate drum as a criticism of President Obama. Appearing on the radio show of conservative host Jeff Katz, Bachmann didn’t bring up the birther issue, but when prompted by Katz with it, happily declared how she would be different than Obama.
Katz was amazed that his sons had to provide more documentation to play little league baseball than what he alleged Obama ever had to provide. Bachmann assured Katz how there won’t be any lingering questions with her:
“I’ll tell you one thing, if I was ever to run for President of the United States, I think the first thing I would do in the first debate is offer my birth certificate, so we can get that off the table.”
More at Mediaite
hmmm.....................with that voice of hers I thought she was Canadian.
She can't win talking like that. I don't want to poop on the Birther's party, but there are a lot of other things that bother me about Obama's presidency. I think we would all be better served fighting his policies rather than playing Sisyphus at trying to prove his place of birth.
That said, her point is well taken. Libs went crazy when George W. Bush refused to admit to using cocaine. They said his refusal to talk about it confirmed he did it.
Its pretty flawless logic, I now understand why Obama wont show his birth certificate...It has drugs inside it.
Or had drugs, I don't think it literally exists anymore....
Just a "theory"...Add a comment
And solidarity seems especially strong in Japan itself. Perhaps even more impressive than Japan’s technological power is its social strength, with supermarkets cutting prices and vending machine owners giving out free drinks as people work together to survive. Most noticeably of all, there has been no looting, and I’m not the only one curious about this.
More at The Telegraph
I'm not that curious. I've never been to Japan, I don't know anything about it beyond they make my Playstation 3 work, and looking at it go you'd think a nuclear reactor powers it, so I have high hopes that they'll fix their power plant reactors because they've got enough experience with that stuff.
I also have high hopes because I live on the west coast, and I don't want any of the fallout coming here, but I digress...
I'm not curious because I do know that culture is full of VERY hard workers. People who work hard for what they own have pride in it, and respect for what's not theirs. More than this they have pride in themselves....A LOT of pride...sometimes it's a little too much pride.
In other words, I'm willing to bet Japanese culture doesn't suffer welfare queens gladly.
Also, they read from right to left...so maybe WE really are the backwards culture
I don't know, I could be wrong. Whatever the case may be people all over the world, especially in places like Greece, should take note of what dignitiy looks like.
Add a comment
I didn't say it, Bob did...
Get more rants like this one at Drinking With Bob
It's amazing how obvious it is that we need to become energy independent. We are choosing to be slaves to some of the worst psychopaths in the world because we refuse to create our own energy.
If there was ever a chance of reviving nuclear power as a form of energy in this country the earthquake in Japan shot that to hell. Meanwhile, the middle east is about to go nuclear and we have a president with his thumb up his plugged hole because he's too afraid that he will blow another one into the ocean a la BP.
Not to say that we should be risky, but one accident shouldn't amount to economic and geo-political suicide for what is supposed to be the most powerful country in the world. If nothing else Obama should support drilling so he doesn't put his ability to have enough fuel for his Air Force 1 trips to the grocery store at risk.
And God forbid his wife conserve fuel for us all by roughing it in first class when she goes on vacation.Add a comment
Ok libs you win! Everything would be better if the rich finally paid what they really owe us. I don't know what that means, but it sounds really nice, and it makes me feel warm and fuzzy like when I wet myself hearing the sound of tearing paper when Pelosi blinks.
That said, I'm totally sold on pilfering the richest among us, in fact, I'm going ALL IN. Tax those rich bastards at 100%. Just confiscate their assets..after all like Michael Moore said its not theirs anyway.
Mary Katherine Ham where am I wrong?
Oh....I see now....a 100% tax isn't high enough. Ok, fine, lets cover ALL of our bases and make it 1000%
Anyone have a smart ass video for that idea?Add a comment
I'll give you one guess as to what some "scientists" think caused the tsunami in Japan...you'll only need one.
If you're REALLY stumped go here...or read the quote below from Grist.org.
Melting ice masses change the pressures on the underlying earth, which can lead to earthquakes and tsunamis, but that's just the beginning.
Global warming again?!? No #$%&ing way!
Great, let me cut to the "end" where we remember that in the last two years the world has experienced record cold and blizzards. So unless "science" has study about the passive aggressive disposition of mother nature, I don't think "melting ice" caused the earth's crust to pop like a trampoline in this case.
For some time now global warming has been shifting from a real "problem" into a taking on a role more akin to something else...
Anytime there is a happening in the world that isn't easily or conclusively explained all scientists have to do is whip out the roll of global warming, tear off a piece and slap on the problem.
BAM! Issue resolved.
I should develop a game called "Six Degrees of Global Warming."Add a comment
This is an email that was sent to me recently, I actually chose to rewrite it a bit...----------
This is a very sad story about a bear.
It begins with this admonition: Everybody should heed the warnings to not feed wildlife, because they become dependent on the humans feeding them. Eventually, they find they cannot forage for themselves anymore because they have forgotten how!
This has become a real tragedy for our country's wildlife! The photo below captures a disturbing trend that is beginning to affect some of the more dependent animals...
Animals that were formerly self-sufficient are now showing symptoms of what some doctors are calling Lazius Democraticus, due to the fact they have apparently learned to just sit on their ass and wait for someone to step in and provide for their care and sustenance.
This photo is of a "Democrat" black bear in Montana the locals have nicknamed Bearack Obearma.Add a comment
Some liberal, E.D. Kain, over at Forbes has posed the question of whether the public union fight in Wisconsin will be the GOP Waterloo.
And not just Wisconsin, but also Indiana, Michigan, Ohio, Arizona, Florida, and the rest of the over-reaching state Republicans. Governors like Scott Walker, Rick Scott, and Jan Brewer are riding on the coattails of the Tea Party, but they've become blind to the dangers of their radical policies.
First of all, there isn't a Waterloo without a Napoleon to lead us there. I know there are a lot of mental midgets on the left, but we need a physical one, so liberals would need to loan us Robert Reich, George Stephanopolus.
Second we need to rewrite the rules of math to ensure that even though self-described conservatives outnumber liberals by 2 to 1, they're the ones who live outside the mainstream.
Third, all this talk about Republican Waterloos is wishful thinking, fearmongering, or both....and it's making me disturbingly thirsty for British toilet water
Basically, what we have here is Kain employing what I call the third leg of a liberal argument tripod. There's name calling, and then there's moral equivocation. Finally, what we're seeing here is the appearance of isolation.
Liberals try to make anyone who doesn't believe leftist opinions infallibly shape reality as we all know it feel like they are the only ones who see it that way.
The names Kain dropped are radicals only because he has an argument to win and a public conscious to contaminate.
Jan Brewer signed SB 1070, which pursued the blindingly "radical" policy to eject illegal immigrants from the country. Illegal immigrant supporters swore she would pay at the polls because crossing them was a "dangerous" policy.
Brewer sailed to election 55% to the Democrats 42%....sailed....in the desert.
To be sure, Wisconsin is a much different state. If the GOP is willing to make their case then public unions will find that those of us in the private sector, who have had to take a financial haircut in our own lives over the last few years, will have little sympathy for the simultaneous sense of entitlement and avoidance of sacrifice by these public leeches.
Sure, polls show support for recall of at least 2 GOP senators, but thats because one side is really heated up and the GOP, unlike the Democrats, has been largely absent from the PR fight because they've been to busy NOT being absent from the state capitol...unlike the Democrats.
The Recallistas have forgotten that the GOP wont walk away from the fight once Walker signs the bill. That's when the Koch brothers waltz in on wearing George Soros masks (they're so tired/high they'll think they're seeing double) and riding a big white Trojan horse, amid the throngs of thousands of liberal union hippies who think their special election sugar daddy has arrived.
They'll toss flowers in adulation...pulled from the capitol building gardens. They'll offer up the children they're protesting for in sacrifice. Then, the really randy ones will even toss their dirty, browned, protest-fatigued panties, because liberal billionaire rockstars like "George Soros" deserve nothing less than their absolute best.
That's when the trap door in the horse's ass opens up and money just flows from it like Michael Moore after dining on cheap street fish tacos (extra mayo) shipped in an iceless cooler from Milwaukee.
Anyone who doesn't believe in the power of Koch will be washed away by the flow of their money. It will be glorious, because money in politics wins again...and the protesters finally get bathed in something.
The rub is if the recall elections are funded the same way as last years election only .5% of that money will actually belong to the Koch's, just enough to pay for the construction of the horse. I couldn't tell you where the other 99.5% of it comes from because liberals don't hate those guys enough.Add a comment
The GOP in Wisconsin totally stole second base when the Dems weren't looking. Who knew a few tweeks to the verbiage and you've got one of those knockout blows that you see coming but are so stunned before hand that your opponent managed it that all you can do is just watch in awe at it's collision course with your face.
Sorry libs, you've been had.
The question now lies in where to go from here, since I've only witnessed liberal temper tantrums I'll do my best to outline their options.
Protest harder - They didn't bang their bongos enough. I know I would be willing to do anything to make that stop after 3 weeks straight, which requires no sleep, which requires giving up the pot for a while. Which, while we're at it should be .
Hold a concert - Remember that one they did in the 90's to free Tibet? How about Live Earth from a few years ago? If you want something to overshadow the unmitigated narcissism of public union leftists nothing does it better than a rock star with a cause.
Cry - News of their plight will reach the world a lot faster of the mainstream media didn't have to take the time to photoshop tears.
Use permanent ink - I don't know, maybe this is already being done, but I feel that drawing Hitler moustaches on Scott Walker shows a commitment to the message.
Call in the big guns - I know you're thinking Michael Moore was just there, I said big guns, not big 'uns. Air Force One needs to do a fly over and parachute in the teleprompters
Recall election: They're actually going through with this one. I'll bet some rich liberal is helping bankroll it. I wonder if the pile of money they're going to get will be so huge they won't be able to see the Koch's anymore. They better make sure they make the check out to "Green with envy hypocrites," which makes for a bad fake name...so how about "Soros's Children" instead?
Go back to work - I got laid off TWICE in six months during this recession! I took my lumps...at least you ingrates will still have YOUR jobs! Maybe if I was responsible for putting MY boss in charge I could've DEMANDED and received raises and benefits while my company teetered on the brink of bankruptcy.
What am I saying? Someone get these teabags off of my eyes, I'm clearly not seeing things realistically. Quick show me some kids frowning.Add a comment
Last month I did a piece called The "Progressive" Fight To Save "The Force" In Wisconsin, and a follower on Twitter read it and made a comment that sort of inspired this.
Liberals shouldn't get TOO upset about this one.Add a comment
The ability to morally equivocate has got to be the greatest mental gymnastics trick the left has in it's arsenal of "intellectual arguments." If something is indefensible all they have to do is point out something else that is indefensible, and then they don't ever have to think about how evil is always the ONLY one peeing in your coffee.
It's pretty awesome, especially if you get pulled over by a liberal cop...you can talk your way out of a speeding ticket by reminding him that HE broke the speed limit to pull you over.
In the last generation Muslim extremism has gone nuclear, and now one guy wants to have a conversation about it, but liberals don't want to hear it...
For Representative Peter T. King, as he seizes the national spotlight this week with a hearing on the radicalization of American Muslims, it is the most awkward of résumé entries. Long before he became an outspoken voice in Congress about the threat from terrorism, he was a fervent supporter of a terrorist group, the Irish Republican Army.
More at The New York Times
When I was in college there was a popular game we played on the network in my dorms called Counterstrike. There were two teams, terrorists and counter-terrorists, basically each team would duke it out while terrorists either tried to blow up something or prevent the counter-terrorists from rescuing their hostages.
Sometimes I played on the terrorist team. Also, when I was a teenager I used to say things that were cool were "da bomb." My wife has dried her hair by wrapping a towel around her head.
So I really can't criticize Muslim terrorists either.
What if King didn't support the IRA? What if a different congressman, with a reputation that's more clean than Michael Moore's dinner plate, called for the hearings? Would it be ok to talk about Muslim terrorism then?
What if we went with Biden's suggestion, which he uses when he wishes to remain anonymous, to not make it so obvious that we're talking about them by switching the first and last letters of "Muslim?"
When will the left figure out that hypocrisy makes a person a hypocrite, but it doesn't make them wrong? Making Peter King's wrong-headed support for the IRA the reason we shouldn't talk about murder in the name of Islam is idiotic on its face, to say nothing of it being no consolation to the victims of either one of them.
In fairness the Times article does acknowledge that there is a world of difference between Al Qaeda and the IRA, but then essentially concludes that difference is meaningless after an unfortunate typo involving some terrorist named O'Sama.Add a comment