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Practical Jokes for Liberals

April Fools Day seems like a good day for this list...they're not all "practical" jokes, some of these are just ways to mess with them.

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Every April 1st send a birthday card to the Democratic Party.

Tell some really hunky member of PETA that he's a beefcake (you might have better luck hunting unicorn).

Accuse a liberal of plagiarizing Biden every time they burp.

Go the the Sierra Club office/treehouse and hang a sign outside the bathroom reminding the tree huggers of the Golden Rule, therefore toilet paper is hereby banned from use.

Attend a speech given by Rahm Emanuel, make that beeping censor noise every time he talks, except when he drops an F-bomb.

Convince people to register Democrat by promising membership involves lots of conveniently unspecific screwing.

Send PETA a cease and desist order from People for the Ethical Treatment of Real Ocean Life (PETROL) informing them the pens their offices use use ink extracted from squid.

Get the Koch brothers to sponsor a mailing of autographed pictures of Scott Walker to all Democrats, yes, all of them.

Petition the U.N. to make April 1st Global Warming Day.

Get 10 friends together to watch MSNBC at the same time to create a mysterious ratings spike.

Barge into a Planned Parenthood with a crying baby in your arms and demand your money back.

Go to any Democratic headquarters and announce that you are a registered Republican and your tired of the way President Obama has been treated and you're ready to show your support for him by re-registering to Kenyan.

Potentially start a Pakistani Muslim-esque riot by placing a personal ad on Craigslist in San Francisco titled "Looking For Love in all the Wrong Places" under the name G. Bush.

Distribute "special" brownies at demonstrations to legalize pot...neglect to mention they're special because they're made with Ex-lax.

Go into an uber-hipster coffee shop and throw a fit when they wont give you an off menu item, like coffee.

Ask every long haired hippie man you see for their autograph and that you love them on The View.

Photoshop years out of Nancy Pelosi's Wikipedia photo to make her look 70.

Brag to your liberal friends that you've decided to be friendlier to the environment by taking your bike everywhere you go, and then prove it by showing them how you keep it in the trunk of your car.

Do the magic trick where you pull a coin out of a Democrat's ear, but instead of a coin use a mini plastic brain.

Make them breathe a sigh of relief by telling them Helen Thomas is now registered Republican.

Get liberals to sign a petition forcing a Jeopardy showdown between the super-computer WATSON and TOTUS.

Barge into Planned Parenthood with a wire hanger and brag about how they taught you everything you know about choice.

Program the auto correct feature on their word processor to change words like "revolution" and "fair share" and "progressive," or anything else that sounds like liberal whining into "I <3 Reagan."

Change the nationality of every Democrat bio on Wikipedia to "Hell."

Make national news by starting a CNN fan club.

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Biden's Idea For Energy Independence

Check out my collection of Biden "toons" (including this one) in the top navigation links at "Biden the April Fool".


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A Government Shutdown is Just a Reprieve from Hell

I don't mean to alienate anyone by asking this question, but when did it become extreme to not spend money that doesn't exist?

Now either I'm hearing resentment from the voices in my head, or the credit cards in my pocket, or it's the third choice...my inner Democrat.

We all have it, we just refer it as something different. Anakin Skywalker called it the dark side of the force.

I've banged my head on this wall for a number of posts, but what the hell is wrong with those guys? If there is a more eloquent way to put that I wouldn't know because it must be buried under 14 trillion dollars of debt.

That's $14,000,000,000,000.00. If you count the 4 then there are literally the same amount of zeros serving in Obama's cabinet.

Deficit = Sacred Cow

Does this "number" mean anything to liberals? Anything at all?

This is sheer madness, basically the GOP says "hey, lets cut $51 billion."

Then the Democrats come back with 11 billion as their first, best and final offer. They don't even have the decency to throw in sweeteners like, "when the Chinese repo the country we'll spare your families from their slavers."

Lets be clear, NEITHER number is even remotely close to being remotely close to being remotely close to being acceptable. The GOP wants to cut the deficit down by 5%...that's not extreme...that's a layup with no defense and a step ladder.

We can't just cut to reduce the deficit, we have to cut to reduce the debt as well. We are talking about the life of the country being at stake.

Meanwhile, USAID is moaning that 70,000 children will die because of a GOP budget...have the math whizzes over there figured out many will die if the entire economy collapses?

Dear third world,

I miss my childhood, please come join me in America.

Love,
Barack

Also, just today Zero number nine (which is like client number nine, except she's screwing us), Kathleen Sebilius says our healthcare system is like that of a developing nation and it will stay that way if the 10 years of funding for 7 years of ObamaCare is overturned. A developing nation? Is she stating the problem or their goal?

Then there is the CBO saying that Obama is understating his deficits to the tune of trillions! These people aren't serious...or they're doing this on purpose.

The Democrats are screwing this country into economic oblivion, and much to the chagrin of people like Helen Thomas you can't "accidentally" have sex.

I don't know what the motivation is, but at this point I don't think any other conclusion can be drawn. It took years of GOP incompetence to build up the kind of debt liberals racked up in just a couple of years, and they did it at a time when they KNEW it the tide needed to be reversed.

The government may be liberal Nirvana, but the reality is if shuts down over the budget fight the only tragedy that would come from it would be that the devil has to take a time out from dragging Uncle Sam to Hell so both sides can rework what the ETA will look like.

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It Looks Like Obama Had Fun in Brazil


What happens in Brazil...well...at least we finally know he has American pride.

It just hit me...Adobe should become Obama's new PR firm. Why pay people to spin reality with their mere words?

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What to Expect from a Government Shutdown

I couldn't possibly come up with a better list of possibilities. Here are my favorite five...

* All legislators will now have to find real jobs, but there are few places that consider voting yes and no on lots of stuff as qualifying experience — and certainly they won’t be $200,000 a year for that.

* Obama will end up on the side of the road with a sign saying, “Will make impotent proclamations for food.”

* Federal prisons will shut down and all the prisoners will escape. They’ll probably have an easier time finding gainful employment than the legislators.

* Without the federal government, each state will now become and independent country. If your state wants to invade Kentucky and steal all its gold, you better be quick about it because I bet a lot of other states have the same idea.

* There will be no federal enforcement of borders, so it will be up to the states now without any outside interference. That means you can finally build that fence to keep Californians out.

See the rest at IMAO

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Is The Tea Party Cooling Down?

"One man with courage makes a majority."

- Andrew Jackson

Why say this? To remind liberals who are wetting themselves over a new poll showing approval of the Tea Party at it's lowest level yet.

Only 32% actually approve of the movement. I don't know, it's a CNN poll, so even as a supporter I wouldn't know what to say if their pollster asked me how I felt about being "teabagged." At least it wasn't MSNBC, I wouldn't have felt like getting into a debate over whether or not its biased to say one is a "Neo Nazi."

I know these numbers sound titilating to liberals. So here's --> some perspective <-- for them...The Tea Party's worst is still triple the Democratic leadership in their heyday.

The election ended about 5 months ago, I'm not saying they should kick back and relax, but we're not in campaign mode right now so maybe the drop in their numbers is coming from their low post-election profile.

He left it in Brazil

I know that sounds like kool-aid justification, but while Japan and Libya burn where did Obama's post lame-duck bump go?

Furthermore, the Tea Party movement is just that, its an ideal that doesn't need a majority to effect change in the political landscape. So liberals shouldn't be so hasty to write their obituary yet.

Everyone thought American Idol was going to die when that Sanjaya kid was on it years ago, and I'll bet more people like the Tea Party than that show...I'd bet that's true even if nobody liked the Tea Party.

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Is Obama Becoming Un-Reelectable?

Everyone except liberals knew that the shining armor Obama rode to town in was purely so he could admire himself when the reflection of his teleprompters were not at his disposal. It looks like the country is starting to get tired of being blinded by the "brilliance."

We can officially call the post-New Year bump in Barack Obama’s job approval ratings finished. A new poll out this morning from Quinnipiac of over 2000 registered voters nationwide puts Obama’s approval level at 42%, the lowest in any Q-poll for Obama, with 48% disapproving.  His re-elect number is actually even lower:

More at Hot Air

I wondered a couple of weeks ago what the man even has to campaign on for reelection. Voters gave hope a chance and this doof blew it 2 years in with unprecedented majorities in Congress.

How will the Democrats craft a message for a man who has been a complete and abject failure? I have a modest proposal...


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Baby Democrats Have A Serious Discussion About The Deficit

It seems to me they're trying to reenact a meeting with Chuck Schumer...



All kidding aside this is FLIPPIN' CUTE!!!

Also, I apologize to babies everywhere for linking them to Democrats. Even if they're growing up in liberal homes they're really just innocent bystanders.

h/t Ginger at iOwnTheWorld

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Liberals Cross Newt on Fears of an Atheist America

Liberal blogs like Yglesias and Liberal Land are giggling over this...

Hours after declaring Sunday that he expects to be running for president within a month, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich said he's worried the United States could be “a secular atheist country, potentially one dominated by radical Islamists,” in the foreseeable future, according to Politico.

More at CNN

I don't blame them. It seems contradictory that the country could be atheist AND dominated by Muslims...how stupid is that? It seems like Newt's logic to this Christian audience is all "crossed" up hahaha!

For instance the Civil Rights movement in the 60's was perpetrated by people who were bored, with no real job, and desperate for attention. Black people were freed under the 13th, 14th, and 15th amendments. What did they need a movement for 100 years later?

It's like Martin Luther King Jr. was trying to say black people in the south were free AND dominated by white people. To think we gave that guy a day...pssh!

Obama has left liberals in a state of deevolution that causes them to get winded reciting sound bytes that extend beyond one syllable....but maybe they can take a stab at what Newt was trying get to the heart of...

Can I have my irony merit badge now?

    If you don't stand for something you'll fall for anything.

Thanks Malcolm X!

This country is a Christian nation, at least it was founded that way. Even the founding fathers believed America was blessed because its people believed in Him. Newt is warning the Christians who are left to reassert themselves or cede the country to ideologies that guarantee His blessing will be lost.

Liberals think the Christian and American identities are separate, it shows how far they've fallen of Uncle Sam's bandwagon. Not only are they not separate, they're mutually inclusive.

It's like chocolate chip cookies. If you remove the chocolate chips from America then it becomes something different (and if Michelle Obama gets what she wants and removes the sugar altogether then America would be like a big cracker...so she didn't think that cause through very well did she?).

The atheist left doesn't understand this. They think it's all hocus pocus while they wait with bated breath for the aliens who landed on earth millions of years ago to play Johnny Humanseed to return and prove us superstitious Christians wrong about creation.

They think America is great just because, and that can't ever change. That's why they don't believe in her exceptionalism, and shrug at her decline.

So come on Christians! You must be present to win, so shake a leg! You've gotta start showing up to the game because I've heard that "I told ya so" pie tastes even worse than the humble kind.

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The Obama Doctrine Is Like Switzerland

Doug Ross put the president's justification for engaging our military with Libya...

We Had to Support Al Qaeda in Libya To Prevent a Refugee Crisis That Could Hurt the Muslim Brotherhood's Rise in Egypt

Read the full post here

I have a different way of putting it. Basically to me Obama is Switzerland. Not because of anything remotely resembling neutrality...


The Obama Doctrine is full of holes


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