April Fools Day seems like a good day for this list...they're not all "practical" jokes, some of these are just ways to mess with them.----------
Every April 1st send a birthday card to the Democratic Party.
Tell some really hunky member of PETA that he's a beefcake (you might have better luck hunting unicorn).
Accuse a liberal of plagiarizing Biden every time they burp.
Go the the Sierra Club office/treehouse and hang a sign outside the bathroom reminding the tree huggers of the Golden Rule, therefore toilet paper is hereby banned from use.
Attend a speech given by Rahm Emanuel, make that beeping censor noise every time he talks, except when he drops an F-bomb.
Convince people to register Democrat by promising membership involves lots of conveniently unspecific screwing.
Send PETA a cease and desist order from People for the Ethical Treatment of Real Ocean Life (PETROL) informing them the pens their offices use use ink extracted from squid.
Get the Koch brothers to sponsor a mailing of autographed pictures of Scott Walker to all Democrats, yes, all of them.
Petition the U.N. to make April 1st Global Warming Day.
Get 10 friends together to watch MSNBC at the same time to create a mysterious ratings spike.
Barge into a Planned Parenthood with a crying baby in your arms and demand your money back.
Go to any Democratic headquarters and announce that you are a registered Republican and your tired of the way President Obama has been treated and you're ready to show your support for him by re-registering to Kenyan.
Potentially start a Pakistani Muslim-esque riot by placing a personal ad on Craigslist in San Francisco titled "Looking For Love in all the Wrong Places" under the name G. Bush.
Distribute "special" brownies at demonstrations to legalize pot...neglect to mention they're special because they're made with Ex-lax.
Go into an uber-hipster coffee shop and throw a fit when they wont give you an off menu item, like coffee.
Ask every long haired hippie man you see for their autograph and that you love them on The View.
Photoshop years out of Nancy Pelosi's Wikipedia photo to make her look 70.
Brag to your liberal friends that you've decided to be friendlier to the environment by taking your bike everywhere you go, and then prove it by showing them how you keep it in the trunk of your car.
Do the magic trick where you pull a coin out of a Democrat's ear, but instead of a coin use a mini plastic brain.
Make them breathe a sigh of relief by telling them Helen Thomas is now registered Republican.
Get liberals to sign a petition forcing a Jeopardy showdown between the super-computer WATSON and TOTUS.
Barge into Planned Parenthood with a wire hanger and brag about how they taught you everything you know about choice.
Program the auto correct feature on their word processor to change words like "revolution" and "fair share" and "progressive," or anything else that sounds like liberal whining into "I <3 Reagan."
Change the nationality of every Democrat bio on Wikipedia to "Hell."
Make national news by starting a CNN fan club.Add a comment
I don't mean to alienate anyone by asking this question, but when did it become extreme to not spend money that doesn't exist?
Now either I'm hearing resentment from the voices in my head, or the credit cards in my pocket, or it's the third choice...my inner Democrat.
We all have it, we just refer it as something different. Anakin Skywalker called it the dark side of the force.
I've banged my head on this wall for a number of posts, but what the hell is wrong with those guys? If there is a more eloquent way to put that I wouldn't know because it must be buried under 14 trillion dollars of debt.
That's $14,000,000,000,000.00. If you count the 4 then there are literally the same amount of zeros serving in Obama's cabinet.
Does this "number" mean anything to liberals? Anything at all?
This is sheer madness, basically the GOP says "hey, lets cut $51 billion."
Then the Democrats come back with 11 billion as their first, best and final offer. They don't even have the decency to throw in sweeteners like, "when the Chinese repo the country we'll spare your families from their slavers."
Lets be clear, NEITHER number is even remotely close to being remotely close to being remotely close to being acceptable. The GOP wants to cut the deficit down by 5%...that's not extreme...that's a layup with no defense and a step ladder.
We can't just cut to reduce the deficit, we have to cut to reduce the debt as well. We are talking about the life of the country being at stake.
Meanwhile, USAID is moaning that 70,000 children will die because of a GOP budget...have the math whizzes over there figured out many will die if the entire economy collapses?
Also, just today Zero number nine (which is like client number nine, except she's screwing us), Kathleen Sebilius says our healthcare system is like that of a developing nation and it will stay that way if the 10 years of funding for 7 years of ObamaCare is overturned. A developing nation? Is she stating the problem or their goal?
Then there is the CBO saying that Obama is understating his deficits to the tune of trillions! These people aren't serious...or they're doing this on purpose.
The Democrats are screwing this country into economic oblivion, and much to the chagrin of people like Helen Thomas you can't "accidentally" have sex.
I don't know what the motivation is, but at this point I don't think any other conclusion can be drawn. It took years of GOP incompetence to build up the kind of debt liberals racked up in just a couple of years, and they did it at a time when they KNEW it the tide needed to be reversed.
The government may be liberal Nirvana, but the reality is if shuts down over the budget fight the only tragedy that would come from it would be that the devil has to take a time out from dragging Uncle Sam to Hell so both sides can rework what the ETA will look like.Add a comment
What happens in Brazil...well...at least we finally know he has American pride.
It just hit me...Adobe should become Obama's new PR firm. Why pay people to spin reality with their mere words?Add a comment
I couldn't possibly come up with a better list of possibilities. Here are my favorite five...
* All legislators will now have to find real jobs, but there are few places that consider voting yes and no on lots of stuff as qualifying experience — and certainly they won’t be $200,000 a year for that.
* Obama will end up on the side of the road with a sign saying, “Will make impotent proclamations for food.”
* Federal prisons will shut down and all the prisoners will escape. They’ll probably have an easier time finding gainful employment than the legislators.
* Without the federal government, each state will now become and independent country. If your state wants to invade Kentucky and steal all its gold, you better be quick about it because I bet a lot of other states have the same idea.
* There will be no federal enforcement of borders, so it will be up to the states now without any outside interference. That means you can finally build that fence to keep Californians out.
See the rest at IMAOAdd a comment
"One man with courage makes a majority."
- Andrew Jackson
Why say this? To remind liberals who are wetting themselves over a new poll showing approval of the Tea Party at it's lowest level yet.
Only 32% actually approve of the movement. I don't know, it's a CNN poll, so even as a supporter I wouldn't know what to say if their pollster asked me how I felt about being "teabagged." At least it wasn't MSNBC, I wouldn't have felt like getting into a debate over whether or not its biased to say one is a "Neo Nazi."
I know these numbers sound titilating to liberals. So here's --> some perspective <-- for them...The Tea Party's worst is still triple the Democratic leadership in their heyday.
The election ended about 5 months ago, I'm not saying they should kick back and relax, but we're not in campaign mode right now so maybe the drop in their numbers is coming from their low post-election profile.
I know that sounds like kool-aid justification, but while Japan and Libya burn where did Obama's post lame-duck bump go?
Furthermore, the Tea Party movement is just that, its an ideal that doesn't need a majority to effect change in the political landscape. So liberals shouldn't be so hasty to write their obituary yet.
Everyone thought American Idol was going to die when that Sanjaya kid was on it years ago, and I'll bet more people like the Tea Party than that show...I'd bet that's true even if nobody liked the Tea Party.Add a comment
Everyone except liberals knew that the shining armor Obama rode to town in was purely so he could admire himself when the reflection of his teleprompters were not at his disposal. It looks like the country is starting to get tired of being blinded by the "brilliance."
We can officially call the post-New Year bump in Barack Obama’s job approval ratings finished. A new poll out this morning from Quinnipiac of over 2000 registered voters nationwide puts Obama’s approval level at 42%, the lowest in any Q-poll for Obama, with 48% disapproving. His re-elect number is actually even lower:
More at Hot Air
I wondered a couple of weeks ago what the man even has to campaign on for reelection. Voters gave hope a chance and this doof blew it 2 years in with unprecedented majorities in Congress.
How will the Democrats craft a message for a man who has been a complete and abject failure? I have a modest proposal...
Add a comment
It seems to me they're trying to reenact a meeting with Chuck Schumer...
All kidding aside this is FLIPPIN' CUTE!!!
Also, I apologize to babies everywhere for linking them to Democrats. Even if they're growing up in liberal homes they're really just innocent bystanders.
h/t Ginger at iOwnTheWorldAdd a comment
Hours after declaring Sunday that he expects to be running for president within a month, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich said he's worried the United States could be “a secular atheist country, potentially one dominated by radical Islamists,” in the foreseeable future, according to Politico.
More at CNN
I don't blame them. It seems contradictory that the country could be atheist AND dominated by Muslims...how stupid is that? It seems like Newt's logic to this Christian audience is all "crossed" up hahaha!
For instance the Civil Rights movement in the 60's was perpetrated by people who were bored, with no real job, and desperate for attention. Black people were freed under the 13th, 14th, and 15th amendments. What did they need a movement for 100 years later?
It's like Martin Luther King Jr. was trying to say black people in the south were free AND dominated by white people. To think we gave that guy a day...pssh!
Obama has left liberals in a state of deevolution that causes them to get winded reciting sound bytes that extend beyond one syllable....but maybe they can take a stab at what Newt was trying get to the heart of...
If you don't stand for something you'll fall for anything.
Thanks Malcolm X!
This country is a Christian nation, at least it was founded that way. Even the founding fathers believed America was blessed because its people believed in Him. Newt is warning the Christians who are left to reassert themselves or cede the country to ideologies that guarantee His blessing will be lost.
Liberals think the Christian and American identities are separate, it shows how far they've fallen of Uncle Sam's bandwagon. Not only are they not separate, they're mutually inclusive.
It's like chocolate chip cookies. If you remove the chocolate chips from America then it becomes something different (and if Michelle Obama gets what she wants and removes the sugar altogether then America would be like a big cracker...so she didn't think that cause through very well did she?).
The atheist left doesn't understand this. They think it's all hocus pocus while they wait with bated breath for the aliens who landed on earth millions of years ago to play Johnny Humanseed to return and prove us superstitious Christians wrong about creation.
They think America is great just because, and that can't ever change. That's why they don't believe in her exceptionalism, and shrug at her decline.
So come on Christians! You must be present to win, so shake a leg! You've gotta start showing up to the game because I've heard that "I told ya so" pie tastes even worse than the humble kind.Add a comment
Doug Ross put the president's justification for engaging our military with Libya...
We Had to Support Al Qaeda in Libya To Prevent a Refugee Crisis That Could Hurt the Muslim Brotherhood's Rise in Egypt
Read the full post here
I have a different way of putting it. Basically to me Obama is Switzerland. Not because of anything remotely resembling neutrality...
With Harry Reid in charge of the Dems in Congress it's hard to believe we didn't take the senate last fall too.
“For the sake of our economy, it’s time for mainstream Republicans to stand up to the Tea Party and rejoin Democrats at the table to negotiate a responsible solution that cuts spending while protecting jobs," he said.
Last week Reid put $7.5 billion in discretionary cuts and $3.5 billion in mandatory savings on the table as a counteroffer to the $51 billion in additional cuts the GOP is seeking.
More at Weasel Zippers
Reid called The $51 billion, which is less than 5% of the deficit "extreme" and that we have to....what....RESTORE THE DEFICIT FOR THE SAKE OF THE ECONOMY?!?
Trillion dollar deficits and a 14 trillion dollar national debt aren't extreme to this sonova.......but cutting them down is!?!
Vegas casinos must be begging for this moron to play poker at their establishment. Why doesn't Reid just admit he's trying to collapse our economy:
GOP: We need to do something about our budget deficit, we have to cut spending down to the same levels of revenue is actually coming in.
Reid: Really? That's weird because I was thinking we need to maintain it at 1 trillion dollars.
Reid: For the sake of the economy silly!
GOP: Oh? But we have to turn things around, is prospect the world could collapse the economy by dumping our debt enough to make you change your mind on this?
Reid: The world is not enough!
Reid: Bond, James Bond.
GOP: Oh....The world is not enough...I get it... Um, we really can't cut anything? Because this 11 billion you're suggesting is like pouring a shot of whiskey into the ocean and expecting the fish to get drunk.
Reid: You Republicans just aren't serious about solving any problems are you?
Reid: The problem is the economy, right?
Reid: We have to do what Nevadans do with their problems, just get rid of them! That's why they elected me Senator so many years ago, so they could send me away to DC.
GOP: So if we collapse the economy, the problem is solved because it will have been destroyed-
Reid: -and then we can move on to more important stuff! See?
GOP: With your glasses? No thanks.
I know this is a bit dramatic, but I had to write Reid as more intelligent than he really is, or it would've been difficult for him to carry the story.Add a comment
If you don't know who the Koch brothers are, and why they make liberals more hopped up than Charlie Sheen after a line of cocaine four hookers long, then check out earlier posts I've done about the subject here, here, and here.
Click the image to view at full size.Add a comment
A year ago I came up with a list of ways you might be a conservative, AKA volume 1.
A few months later I had volume 2.
Here's a few more
If you thought "The Kings Speech" was a documentary about the invention of teleprompters...
If you're afraid to go on a show called "Are You Smarter than the Vice President?"...
If you think social networking is a government program that requires your neighbor share their smart phone with you...
When you hear "Always with Wings" and you think maxi pads...instead of how Al Gore travels between mansions...
If you think saying "thats a bright idea" is discriminatory against the
blind visually impaired and Joe Biden.
If your favorite sexual position is Democratic legislation.
If you get your news from The View.
If you've ever had dead brain cells reactivate because of The View.
If you attend a book club in which members only discuss written transcripts of what happened on The View.
If Meghan McCain is your favorite conservative intellectual...
If you'd draw a Hitler moustache on your own face if you ever disagreed with yourself.
If during the Glenn Beck show he discusses his paranoid connection between mid east rebellions and the Muslim Brotherhood and you start screaming "OH YEAH? WHAT ABOUT SCOTT WALKER?"
If you think the second amendment only applies to a well regulated militia and television coverage of the Palins...
If you're so environmental that you literally go green recycling bath water...
If Sarah Palin's crosshairs make you so nervous you now maintain a shaved head...
If the only right to a private education for children you're willing to defend in court is the kind provided by NAMBLA...
If you think Charlie Sheen did more to ruin the meaning of "winning" than Democrats in 2008...
If you're freaking out because you've always thought Obama losing reelection would be the end of the world...and you just realized the election is in 2012....
You might be a liberal.Add a comment
I've tried to avoid going there for a while, and her hypocrisy on the matter made it easier to poke fun, but I couldn't resist on this idea...Add a comment
One of my favorite columnists in existence, Peggy Noonan, had a great piece today on how Obama owes the country an explanation of his actions in Libya.
As usual she is spot on. It's not like we're asking him to solve any problems, we just want him to give us an explanation. You'd think he'd treat that like we just asked him to celebrate pre-Christmas. He gets a script, a teleprompter, he doesn't have to answer any questions, and he'll speak from his desk, so doesn't even have to change out of his golf shorts!
But no, we wake up one day to find out that we're lobbing tomahawk missiles and potentially creating a global cous cous crisis, and we don't even get a flippin' magazine cover out of it?
For two years this guy chased cameras like he was going to cheat on Michelle with one of them, and now we don't get to find out why he's sending us into ANOTHER war.
The worst thing about all this is the left seems to be on the same side as us, but he's a Democrat so they're more interested in talking about the apparent conservative hypocrisy on this issue than the fact that their guy just Orwelled the word "unilateral."
This is supposedly not unilateral because Obama got a signed permission slip from the U.N. and then decided to go green by not making our own Congress waste any paper in drafting one of their own.
In other words, Obama hasn't acted unilaterally in the eyes of his fellow citizens of the world, just the Americans who elected and pay him to put them first.
Why is this different from how Bush handled Iraq? This can be the part of the post where liberals can check out and affirm their ignorance at the Firedoglake post linked above.
Is Gadaffi a POS? Hell yes he is! However, our government is not responsible for addressing ALL of the sphincter vomit of the world. It's job is to be responsible for just the sphincter vomit that poses a threat to us.
If that's not going to be the rule of thumb then the guy who breaks it has explaining to do....preferably before he goes on his next vacation.Add a comment
There's all this talk (here) about how Biden once said he would lead the charge to impeach presidents, like Obama if he were George W. Bush, over military attacks launched without congressional approval, like Libya if it were Iraq...so I wondered how the Biden-lead campaign to impeach his president would go...
What Trump is doing
Is giving us permission
To ask the question.
-From someone known as Haiku Guy, a commenter at Da TechGuy's Blog.
Like Da Techguy, I'm on record as not being a birther, but it's fascinating that we're going on into the third year of Obama's presidency and not only has the issue not died, but now a C-list celebrity like Donald Trump is starting to chip the fringe off of it...
Where does Donald get off making such demands about birth certificates?!? I know where...look at that combover, if anyone deserves to issue demands of honesty from others it should certainly be from the guy who wears it on his skull.
Bottom line, it's a fair question, especially since the left has been acting like such asses about the whole thing. Yeah the birthers are obnoxious too, but liberals could easily make fools of them by showing the damn piece of paper already.
By the way, is it just me or does anyone else think that Trump is only running for president so it can be the theme of the next season of The Apprentice?
Wouldn't it be hilarious if Donald Trump was our 45th president? They could broadcast Obama's concession call to him live, and the whole world could hear the Donald accept it...
Trump: Barack, you were the project manager for this assignment we call America, you failed to provide a clear vision, you failed to lead, you trashed your team in front of the competition, and when they needed you the most YOU WENT GOLFING.
Obama: Mr. Trump if...if...if you inherited this mess from George-
Trump: You went over budget to the tune of trillions. The world thinks you're such a joke the country just asked ME to succeed you!
Obama: -W....W. Bush you would see that this job didn't...uhh...support my ego in the way I thought it-
Trump: SOMEBODY SHUT OFF THIS GUYS TELEPROMPTER! I'm tired of you putting divots on my golf courses, I'm of tired your wife telling me I can't have a cheese steak sandwich, and Mr. Obama, frankly, the entire country is tired of you.
I'm suddenly very close to endorsing Donald Trump for president...just kidding...maybe...Add a comment
They say time heals all wounds, so it's kind of ironic that majority opposition to a bill designed to fix health care has remained essentially unmoved <-- according to this CNN poll one year after it was signed into law.
At 59% opposed, CNN is quick to note it's not all roses for conservatives who want to bury ObamaCare like the chewed up dog bone it is...
...if you add the 13 percent who oppose the law because it's not liberal enough to the 37 percent that support the law, you come up with 50 percent of the American people who disagree with the Republican leadership on the issue...
Romanian gymnasts are the only people on the planet that can come up with twists that keep up with liberal logic. If the breakdown according to the CNN Poll is 37% are happy with ObamaCare, 13% think it doesn't go far enough, and 46% think it's a portal to hell then a plurality, at a minimum, oppose it because it's too liberal.
Pitting "no on ObamaCare" against a minority that approves of it, and combining that with a sliver of the country that actually wants something worse is not at all an even playing field, no matter how badly CNN wants to spin this.
Basically you have a group of four people trying to decide what kind of pizza they want to order for a party of 100 people, one of them is a midget.
Two people in the group want pepperoni, mushroom and sausage....mmmmmm.
One person in the group wants Canadian bacon........mmmmmm?
And the midget wants Canadian health care, which is basically moose poop.
So the group of four people are all screaming at each other, and the people who want a normal, yummy pizza with pepperoni and the like are making their case way louder than the doof who wants Canadian "bacon" and the midget who sounds only slightly more intelligent than someone with helium filled vocal chords that just got kicked in the testicles.
After a year of heated debate the midget kicks the pepperoni/mushroom/sausage caucus in the shins, looks at bacon boy and says "LETS COMPROMISE!"
So they go behind closed doors, lock them, and proceed order their redundant sounding Canadian bacon and moose poop pizza.
The pizza comes and the midget is pissed because more than half the party threw away their slice once they found out what was in it, and the 37 who are actually willing to chow down on it would only do so after they've picked all the moose poop off.
Doesn't that sound like a party you'd want to attend again, one year later?
In the end the point is this, I'm pretty sure 100% of the country knows our health care system needs reform, the problem has been how we get there. So a more honest way of looking at the numbers is most Americans don't agree with either ObamaCare OR a single payer system.
Bill Clinton was elected twice on this type of majority, so if it was good enough for liberals back in the 90's, then it should be good enough for their "progressive" label jumping counterparts now.Add a comment