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Top 5 New FDA Warnings On Smoking

So the FDA has created 36 new designs for warnings about the dangers of smoking that will cover the top half of cigarette packs. It's all WAY over the top, but they did get really creative with them.

If you must, you can download all of them at the FDA's website here (via Memeorandum)

I went ahead and picked out, for lack of a better word, the top 5 designs. Guess which one is my favorite. If you want, leave a comment on which one is yours :-)

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Conservative Satire Headlines November 10, 2010

In first move back to fiscal conservatism Boehner fly commercially so government can save money on having to disinfect Pelosi's private jet.

Democrats opposing Pelosi's run for minority leader stand accused of being traitors to liberalism's core principle of rewarding failure.

Working title of report from Obama debt reduction commission rumored to be, "Let Them Eat Cake So We Can Tax That Too."

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Obama's Conservative Well Wishers

Last week I got Obama a little something for the two year anniversary of his election...

iOwnTheWorld shared it with their readers and encouraged well wishers to leave a message. Below are my favorites:

We already wished him well this past Nov. 2nd


For he’s a jolly good fellow,
His pant legs are turning yellow,
His spine is made out of Jell-O,
Which nobody can deny!
(But try, Chris Matthews!)
Which nobody can deny (join in, Katie Couric!), which nobody can deny (now Oprah!)
For he’s a socialist fellow, which the MSM denies.


Happy anniversary, Mr President and thank you We couldn’t have fatally discredited liberalism and the old media without you


Happy Anniversary, Barry! We got you a new Congress!


Happy halfway point of your last term, Comrade Zero.


I flushed TWICE, in hopes my Anniversary Present would reach him faster!


Thank Heaven
For huge egos.
For huge egos get bigger every day.

Thank Heaven
For huge egos.
They blow up in the most delightful way.

Those Democrats
So fragile and now reeling
With all their cash
They’re in the trash
ObamaCare we’re repealing.

Thank Heaven
For huge egos.
Thank Heaven for them all
No matter where, no matter who
They pissed off all the voters
Now they’re screwed.

See the rest here

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When Liberal Cartoonists 'Attack'

Ted Rall is a liberal wiener who draws cartoons and practices trying to get through just one impression of Clint Eastwood in the mirror without pissing himself scared. Here is the tough guy in action

He sounds only semi-looney toons in the video, check out a passage from his new book "The Anti-American Manifesto."

Christian fundamentalists, the millennial end-of-theworlders obsessed with the Left Behind series about the End Times, neo-Nazi racists, rural black-helicopter Michigan Militia types cut from the same inbred cloth as Timothy McVeigh, allied with “mainstream” gun nuts and right-wing Republicans, have been planning, preparing, and praying for the destruction of the “Godless,” “secular” United States for decades. In the past, they formed groups like the John Birch Society and the Aryan Nations. Now the hard Right has a postmodern, decentralized non-organization organization called the Tea Party.

Right-wing organizational names change, but they amount to the same thing: the reactionary sociopolitical force—the sole force—poised to fill the vacuum when collapse occurs. The scenario outlined by Margaret Atwood’s prescient novel The Handmaid’s Tale—rednecks in the trenches, hard military men running things, minorities and liberals taken away and massacred, setting the stage for an even more extreme form of laissez-faire corporate capitalism than we’re suffering under today—is a fair guess of how a post-U.S. scenario will play out unless we prepare to turn it in another direction…

A war is coming. At stake: our lives, the planet, freedom, living. The government, the corporations, and the extreme right are prepared to coalesce into an Axis of Evil. Are you going to fight back? Will you do whatever it takes, including taking up arms?…

...Part of the revolution may be fought virtually by hackers. Those individuals are every bit as valauable as people who blow things up.

Read the entire article this came from at Big Hollywood (via Memeorandum)

Here's a reality check for Oscar Meyer

  1. If I'm not mistaken I'm pretty sure the military votes Republican by a margin of about 3:1
  2. Not all liberals are gun control advocates, but all gun control advocates are
  3. Guess who has all the freakin' guns tough guy...

Imagine in your mind this guy egging "revolutionaries" on to "blow things up" while he proposes himself to be the look out. Thank God this tool is just an Osama bin Laden with stage fright who only has a pair until the sharpie ink he used to draw them washes off his crotch.

I just hope the reality of my three points never changes.

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You Mean Bush's New Book Actually Has Words?

Bush book munchies

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Conservative Satire Headlines November 9, 2010

Pentagon assures nation missile fired off of California coast is no threat to national security, just California.

Speculation arises that missile fired over pacific is actually a post-election warning shot to California from God.

Gallup poll finds statistical tie between Obama and Bush, and that Bush actually wins among gay men who don't realize they're choosing the former-president.

While criticizing earmarks, Biden says they are ugly and people should stick to earrings.

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Traffic Cone Actually Calls it Quits

It sprouted arms, legs...cankles...scary laugh...bad hair...and just walked off the job....

I know...weird...

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Addressing the Potential Rumors And Issues Surrounding Bush's New Book

George W. Bush's book is out!

I want to take a few moments to address/answer some potential rumors and other details that didn't make the final cut:

There is a shortage of crayons, but only in NYC and San Francisco.

Biden did not ghost write the book, he tried to plagiarize it.

Kanye West is not expected to read it, he can barely read his own lyrics.

If Bush decides to appear on "The View" to discuss the book ABC is preparing for the eventuality of temporarily calling it "The Elizabeth Hasselbeck Hour."

His handlers did try to smooth things over by saying the "W" stood for Whoopi.

He did blow it by asking if her middle name was "Cushion."

The hole he dug got deeper when he said thats how she sounded to him.

There is a limited edition run that features a doodle by Bush of Al Gore in his private jet doing donuts over the ice caps.

The Iraq War chapter is NOT autographed by Saddam's old autopen.

The only member of the administration adamant that Pelosi would make a good speaker was the magic 8 ball.

Editors removed a passage where he told Obama that he would get history book to name the Bush tax cuts after him if he'd extend them.

Editors also killed effort in describing mementos from presidency to put quotes around his old Pelosi "mask."

Details about how happy a drunk Barney Frank can be have been left out because the president takes seriously what happens in Vegas.

During the Democratic primaries Hillary almost asked him to endorse Obama.

At one point there might have been a chapter detailing how Bill Clinton was so desperate to return to the White House he offered to switch parties to replace Cheney.

Also removed from the book was the episode where Reid first started calling himself a boxer after he lost a round of slap-boxing to Jenna.

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Slogans for Leader Pelosi's Campaign

The Dems are concerned that they lost because their messaging stunk, so I want to help them make it clearer by suggesting slogans for Speaker Pelosi's grand demotion to minority leader should they choose to go off that cliff.

Her Words Will Be Forever Dung.

Leader Of The Whine and Sleaze Party

The Killah of Jobzillas

Head of the elected undead

From Top Gun To Top None

The Lie-onic Woman

Celebrate good crimes COME ON!

The Antidote to Electile Function

Pelosi and the Pussy-Hacks

Oh Craptain my Craptain

Blunder Woman

Lord of the Despised

Speaker of the Louse

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Conservative Satire Headlines November 8, 2010

Under the slogan "Waste Not Want Not" Pelosi remains adamant about running for minority leader since her new face doesn't expire until 2014

Nutrition expert that lost 27 pounds on junk food plans experiment in light-headedness by registering Democrat

California being dubbed the "Lindsay Lohan of States" by the Wall Street Journal ignites rivalry and resent between Lohan and Charlie Sheen.

Rumors circulate that President Bush's memoir reveals Karl "The Architect" Rove's building material of choice was playing cards.

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