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Addressing the Potential Rumors And Issues Surrounding Bush's New Book

George W. Bush's book is out!

I want to take a few moments to address/answer some potential rumors and other details that didn't make the final cut:

There is a shortage of crayons, but only in NYC and San Francisco.

Biden did not ghost write the book, he tried to plagiarize it.

Kanye West is not expected to read it, he can barely read his own lyrics.

If Bush decides to appear on "The View" to discuss the book ABC is preparing for the eventuality of temporarily calling it "The Elizabeth Hasselbeck Hour."

His handlers did try to smooth things over by saying the "W" stood for Whoopi.

He did blow it by asking if her middle name was "Cushion."

The hole he dug got deeper when he said thats how she sounded to him.

There is a limited edition run that features a doodle by Bush of Al Gore in his private jet doing donuts over the ice caps.

The Iraq War chapter is NOT autographed by Saddam's old autopen.

The only member of the administration adamant that Pelosi would make a good speaker was the magic 8 ball.

Editors removed a passage where he told Obama that he would get history book to name the Bush tax cuts after him if he'd extend them.

Editors also killed effort in describing mementos from presidency to put quotes around his old Pelosi "mask."

Details about how happy a drunk Barney Frank can be have been left out because the president takes seriously what happens in Vegas.

During the Democratic primaries Hillary almost asked him to endorse Obama.

At one point there might have been a chapter detailing how Bill Clinton was so desperate to return to the White House he offered to switch parties to replace Cheney.

Also removed from the book was the episode where Reid first started calling himself a boxer after he lost a round of slap-boxing to Jenna.