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Conservative Satire Headlines November 2, 2010

Pelosi defiantly proclaims she will be happy with tonight election results even if she has to chisel it onto her face.

Biden campaigns for Delaware Senate race, gets voters to chant "YES WE CAN" every time he says "TAKE ME BACK!"

Day after San Francisco Giants win World Series nation tells Pelosi that in Congress she no longer is one.

Feeling sorry for the President Obama, thousands attempt to make him feel wanted by writing him in for their village's idiot.

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If You Have No Other Reason To Vote Here Is The Ultimate One...

I'm bringing this post from last week back because IT'S ELECTION DAY! So get out there and...

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Random Thoughts On Election Day

I'm here for the Restoring Sanity rally! No, I'm NOT 3 days late.

I hereby declare this election day Operation: Kick Dem Asses!

Obama thinks Republican's should sit in the back of the bus..I understand why, I just think its weird they would put the steering wheel back there.

Schumer is getting ready to replace Leader Reid...altogether now....WHATS UP CHUCK! Wait, thats not right.......oh yeah, its LETS UPCHUCK!

Will Pelosi's tears dissolve her tissue?

Looking for help from up above?

Maybe he'll see the light tomorrow...

If a Democrat falls in the Congress and nobody is there to hear it, does Hillary still cackle like a cat in a blender?

Will Barney Frank finally be left behind, or will he win and get some celebratory left behind?

Did you know the parking lot where I parked to vote is not just home to registered Democrats, it is one too?!?

Harry Reid is right, Obama is like the miners....before the cave in.

Looks like Nevada is about to bet it all on a different kind of red than what they've been getting with the Dems.

Only because I want the Senate too...Go McCain.

Christine O'Donnell is a good witch, Pelosi is a bad witch, and Osama bin Laden is a sand-witch. (h/t to the great John Pinette on the inspiration for that one)

I hope Al Franken is watching the returns for Dems so he can finally see what a joke really is.

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If You Voted For Obama, You Owe Me

I've got a feelin'

This is part of a series by Illustr8r of iOwnTheWorld. They're not in order, but you can sift through Illustr8r's posts to see the other installments of the series here.

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I am NOT Doing Pre-Electile Victory Gloating, I'm Just Sayin' This...

I've got a feelin'

This is sort of a sequel to this cartoon

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Conservative Satire Headlines November 1, 2010

Rumors that Pelosi may retire if Dems lose congress causes rush of wax museums bidding to have her join their collection.

GOP remains unfazed by early voting numbers giving edge to Dems from felons, deceased, and fictional characters.

Christine O'Donnell makes closing argument to vote for her because "witchcraft is more believable than Marxism"

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How America Went From Dems Being 'A New Day' to 'RUN AWAY!'

How did Democrats go from "its a new day" to "run away, run away" in just two years?

Basically, 2008 was like going to a car dealership because your 2000 model was about to be discontinued, and the few parts that actually made it work would've been impossible to come by. Besides, it had been breaking down constantly for the last two years (it also wanted you to let people who were in the car illegally drive it until it could come up with a way to give them their own car with your taxes)

Being disillusioned with cars in general, the salesman at the dealership directs you to a new make and model that turns out to be the most beautiful car in the lot. Its black with red upholstery, and in spite of the fact that even the manufacturer had never test driven it EVERYONE wanted one.

While you inspect it you hear the engine rev up something fierce even though the key wasn't in the ignition. You think thats pretty weird, but you look past that because it looks like a REALLY sweet ride, and you REALLY need a car that will get you from point A to point B. Also, you've never had one that came with teleprompters before!'re sold! The dealer tries to show you a model that has been around longer, is proven on the road, and is married to a popular car from the 90's, but much like it's husband you're not interested in driving that model anymore.

So you buy the black car with the red interior with a four year loan of $4 trillion. About 6 months in to the love affair you find that the damn thing NEVER stops revving it's engine, everywhere you go it revs up so everyone will look. What you used to think was kind of cool is now obnoxious. You start to think your new car is a bit of an attention whore. Also, you hate how it constantly bows before foreign built cars and offers you health insurance...or else.

Now you want to take it back to the dealer to see if there's a way to fix the problems. They refuse at first because they never gave you a receipt for your purchase and that would disqualify you from the warranty on the car. To make matters worse the dealer also informs you that the pink slip looks like a forgery and that you might want to get that checked out.

After some haggling over a cup of tea the dealer agrees to at least run a diagnostic on the car, and they figure out what the problem're a racist.

Then you're told that if you try to get rid of it they'll climb over fences, parachute over walls, and interrupt Botox parties to force you to take it back. So you're stuck with this sour socialist lemon of a car for at least 4 years.

While feeling a complete sense of despair over this you learn that while you can't get rid of the car, you can change dealerships so you can, at a minimum, try to change the way the car operates. New motor oil, a better smelling air freshener, a bumper sticker that says YOU LIE! Little things here and there until you can trade it in for something better...way better.

And THAT is how you blow up a Democrat majority faster than Joe Biden with a lighter trying to figure out TNT.

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