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Conservative Satire Headlines November 5, 2010

As India's government removes coconuts from trees to protect Obama, the President graciously resists urge to classify the trees as "enemies"

Upon hearing Obama brought 34 U.S. warships to India, pawn shop owners aware of U.S. debt eagerly await a Presidential visit

White House aides reveal Obama determined how to spend rest of TARP money using the "heads Vegas, tails India" method.

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The Amazing Favorite Movie Predictor

This amazing trick was originally posted at my favorite conservative blog, iOwnTheWorld, if you're as amazed at how well it works as I am then PLEASE pass it on!!!

I have no idea how this works. This is pretty amazing!

Now … be honest and don’t look at the movie list till you have done the math!

Just do the test.

This amazing math quiz can predict which of the 18 films you would enjoy the most.

Don’t ask me how, but it really works!

Movie Test:

Pick a number from 1-9.

Multiply by 3.

Add 3.

Multiply by 3 again.

Now add the digits together to find your predicted favorite movie in the list of 18 movies below.


Movie List:

1. Gone With The Wind
2. E.T.
3. Beverly Hills Cop
4. Star Wars
5. Forrest Gump
6. The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly
7. Jaws
8. Grease
9. The Defeat of Obama in 2012
10. Casablanca
11. Jurassic Park
12. Shrek
13. Pirates of the Caribbean
14. Titanic
15. Raiders Of The Lost Ark
16. Home Alone
17. Mrs. Doubtfire
18. Toy Story

Be honest, you got chills, didn't you?

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Election Day Was Just The Beginning

Get more of these at Drinking With Bob

Hands down this is my favorite video blog.

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Obama's Shovel Ready Election

shovel ready election

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Conservative Satire Headlines November 4, 2010

Obama confesses purpose of India trip is to load up on curry so he can truly understand voter sentiment on election day

Considering a run for minority leader Pelosi said to be angling for "Speaker of the Louse"

Exhausted Obama agrees with Biden that it is "weird" that he could lose in 2012 to a guy named Generic Republican

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Not Compromising IS The Compromise

Mitch McConnell "doubling down" on not compromising with Obama.

""Over the past week, some have said it was indelicate of me to suggest that our top political priority over the next two years should be to deny President Obama a second term in office..."But the fact is, if our primary legislative goals are to repeal and replace the health spending bill, to end the bailouts, cut spending and shrink the size and scope of government, the only way to do all these things is to put someone in the White House who won't veto any of these things," the Kentucky Republican will say. "We can hope the president will start listening to the electorate after Tuesday's election. But we can't plan on it."

While Democratic leaders said Republicans should be prepared to compromise to pass legislation, McConnell will make clear that he wants the administration to "move in our direction" if it wants his party's cooperation.

Read the entire article at Politico (via Memeorandum)

Lets get something straight not compromising is the compromise. This election was the only thing standing between Democrats who are ruining the meaning of the word "progressive" and the point of a real life pitchfork.

Golf rules Congress... DEMS WIN!

Maybe they're trying to save face. Maybe they viewed the election returns through a mirror....

One thing is for sure, they are failing to realize that their hubris over the last two years has been nothing less than nuclear in its damage to what this country is supposed to be.

Conservatives have been ignored, marginalized, laughed at, impersonated as racist, lied about, and forced to say "Vice President Biden" for two long years because Democrats thought their win in 2008 was an affirmation that we wanted them to run our lives for us.

The Tea Party warned them this was wrong, public opinion polls warned them, even the cockroaches were running away from the bomb the Dems were daring the Tea Party to blow.

That the Democrats retain control of the Senate is the blessing (for them) of having only 1/3 of them up for election at a time. Even Obama is on notice that some unknown Republican named "Generic" is beating him in the polls ONLY HALF WAY through his first only term.

It needs to be understood that Dems have nothing to really bargain with right now. Their agenda has been roundly and unequivocally rejected. November 6, 2012 is going to be National Tissue for Liberals day if they think now is the time for their "enemies" to humbly compromise with THEM.

How else can we make this any clearer? Maybe a telegram will get their attention...

Dear Democrats, STOP

Man up and pay the piper NOW before we take more of your children away.

Sincerely, STOP

America's Voters WONT STOP

Thats a weird way to end this, I know, just go with it...thanks.

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Cher Dishes On Sarah Palin and Jan Brewer

The edits on the profanity are my own...(my comments in yellow)

“I got so obsessed with [C-SPAN] LOL! I'm sure she did that it was kind of interfering with my life. Sarah Palin came on, and I thought, Oh, f**k, this is the end. Because a dumb woman is a dumb woman.” YOU DON'T SAY CHER! On the subject of Arizona governor Jan Brewer, Cher says, “She was worse than Sarah Palin, if that is possible. This woman was like a deer in headlights. She’s got a handle on the services of the state, and I would not let her handle the remote control.”

Read the full article at Vanity Fair here for more gems of Cheracuda wisdom

Can she even spell C-SPAN?

I'm so glad to get to be able to get insight from pillars of intelligence like Cher. The only thing more artificial than her entire being is the notion that she is smart enough to unleash her intelligence on even the dumbest of magazines, let a lone Vanity Fair.

This is a grown woman who will be collecting social security checks any day now, and "da bomb" is in her vocabulary.

When Barbie is running low on plastic she borrows some from Cher.

Styrofoam bio degrades faster than she will.

I barely want to get liberal political opinion from people who are qualified to give them let alone from someone like her who could call a "dunce cap" a "cap."

It's times like this I wish the smart half of Sonny and Cher was still alive.

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Today Is The 2 Year Anniversary of Obama's Election!

Its hard to imagine it was 2 years ago has felt like a f@#$ing eternity...

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Conservative Satire Headlines November 3, 2010

New GOP majority assures humbled Obama that their decision to just "not compromise" is, in fact, a compromise.

Obama insists the election was not a repudiation of his agenda itself, just what it is doing to the country.

San Francisco justifies ban of McDonald's Happy Meals citing the only thing that should be bad for children is their politics.

Florida voters punish family of Alan Grayson by sending him home.

Election sees Barney Frank escape being left behind, goes back to indulging in left behind.

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The First Day Of The Rest of Conservatism's Life

The 2010 election is a huge step in the right direction, but we need to remember that this needs to be the first election where we win the battle and then we don't go home when its over, ever again.

We have to hold people who accept the label of conservative accountable, because the last two years is what we get when bad Republicans make the body politic so sick to its stomach that they make exlax look like Halloween candy.

Honest conservatives have known since November 5, 2008 that this wasn't going to end well for the Democrats. They knew this wasn't an affirmation of crazy liberal policies, but a rejection of the people who were entrusted to carry the torch of real American values who kept pissing on the torch and calling it rain.

"People out there are still hurting very badly, and they are still scared. And so part of the reason that our politics seems so tough right now, and facts and science and argument does not seem to be winning the day all the time, is because we're hard-wired not to always think clearly when we're scared," Obama said at a Democratic fundraiser Saturday in Boston. "And the country is scared, and they have good reason to be."

From Fox News

The preceding message was sponsored by the corporation for NEVER LETTING A CRISIS GO TO WASTE.

Which is a better instance of voters "not thinking" clearly? Voting to give power to the party that wants to repeal a health care takeover they never wanted, or "you know what, Vice President Biden has a nice ring to it."

College girls 10 tequila shots deep and using absinthe as a chaser at a fraternity party titled "Lets Have An Orgy" make more responsible decisions than the throngs of ZOMBIES wetting their panties over a man who, as they are just now realizing, has less substance than a hollowed out cheese puff.

November 3, 2010 needs to go as the first day of the rest of American conservatism's long, and hopefully immortal life.

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