10. Michelle never worries about him cheating because the only thing he checks out are mirrors.
9. He tries to get the FDA to register the sound of his voice as a form of Viagra based on "personal experience."
8. Bad acoustics forced him to go with the flow on "yes we can" even though it should have been "yes HE can."
7. He thinks being called "Zero" is a compliment since everything should start with him anyway.
6. He once proposed in a department of education meeting that schools should replace periods with his logo, since everything should end with him too.
5. He stopped using notecards when he realized he could see his reflection in teleprompters.
4. He secretly wears a locket that contains a photo of him on one side and a mirror on the other.
3. He believes there is a cosmic connection between the invention of the wheel and the shape of his logo.
2. There is no birth certificate, his mother told him he always was and always will be...
1. He's not bowing before world leaders, he's looking down on them.Add a comment
Man, he looks like he's getting a little chunky when he sits around staring at tail instead of chasing it.
If its tough to read you can click the image to see a larger version.Add a comment
Becoming the first ever former president to be hired as a TSA screener Bill Clinton calls dibs on stewardesses
White House continues to deny emerging feud between President Obama and Kieth Olbermann's egos.
Ireland's fiscal desperation reach fever pitch as nation turns its hopes to 4 leaf clover harvesting.
Signs of turmoil within Obama Administration continue as VP Biden allegedly insists he be called Senator again.Add a comment
If I wasn't going to say who you would've needed only one guess anyway...
This piece is based on an article in the latest edition of The Weekly Standard, "American Narcissus" by Jonathan V. Last. It's a rare that an article manages to truly grab me from start to finish....
Add a comment
Why has Barack Obama failed so spectacularly? Is he too dogmatically liberal or too pragmatic? Is he a socialist, or an anticolonialist, or a philosopher-president? Or is it possible that Obama’s failures stem from something simpler: vanity. Politicians as a class are particularly susceptible to mirror-gazing. But Obama’s vanity is overwhelming. It defines him, his politics, and his presidency.
It’s revealed in lots of little stories. There was the time he bragged about how one of his campaign volunteers, who had tragically died of breast cancer, “insisted she’s going to be buried in an Obama T-shirt.” There was the Nobel acceptance speech where he conceded, “I do not bring with me today a definitive solution to the problems of war” (the emphasis is mine). There was the moment during the 2008 campaign when Obama appeared with a seal that was a mash-up of the Great Seal of the United States and his own campaign logo (with its motto Vero Possumus, “Yes we Can” in Latin). Just a few weeks ago, Obama was giving a speech when the actual presidential seal fell from the rostrum. “That’s all right,” he quipped. “All of you know who I am.” Oh yes, Mr. President, we certainly do.
My favorite is this line from page 160 of The Audacity of Hope:
I find comfort in the fact that the longer I’m in politics the less nourishing popularity becomes, that a striving for power and rank and fame seems to betray a poverty of ambition, and that I am answerable mainly to the steady gaze of my own conscience.
So popularity and fame once nourished him, but now his ambition is richer and he’s answerable not, like some presidents, to the Almighty, but to the gaze of his personal conscience. Which is steady. The fact that this sentence appears in the second memoir of a man not yet 50 years old—and who had been in national politics for all of two years—is merely icing.
Read the rest at The Weekly Standard.
A picture is worth 1,000 words, so lets find a few of 'em...
When I a was a boy my teacher asked me to spell "plagiarism" and I said you tell me first, then I'll tell you...
Did you know you can't star 69 a text message?
No no, this is how you say it...."why so socialist?"
Did you know the red phone in the Oval Office isn't for Batman....or phone sex?
Barney said I can be his fruit fly!
Farting makes me sound smart!
Nancy had me at her Botox party, can you tell I just had my cheeks done?
My hairplugs tickle!
I think my eyes are smiling too.
Even though we lost the House Barack said I can still have a puppy!
Comment with your best shot(s)!Add a comment
Received this story in an email...
Four doctors are having a discussion. One is Israeli, one is German, one is Russian and one is American.
The doctor from Israel says: "In Israel the medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's testicles; we put them into another man, and in six weeks he is looking for work."
The German doctor comments: "That's nothing. In Germany we take part of the brain out of a person; we put it into another person's head, and in four weeks he is looking for work."
The Russian doctor says: "That's nothing either. In Russia we take out half of the heart from a person; we put it into another person's chest, and in two weeks he is looking for work."
The U.S. doctor answers immediately: "That's nothing my colleagues. You are way behind us. In the USA we grabbed a person with no brains, no heart, and no balls . . . we made him President of the United States, and now the whole country is looking for work!!!Add a comment
Pelosi's bid for House Minority Leader scores major affirmation of confidence in her leadership with an endorsement from the RNC
Advisors to Biden suggest President would stop finding out his code names he uses to talk trash if the VP didn't end them with "AKA Barack."
Obama's name mysteriously appears on list of names of Thanksgiving turkeys to pardon.Add a comment
In the latest from the Wall Street Journal she says she's not the reason Dems lost the midterms...(my comments are in yellow)
“We didn’t lose the election because of me,” Ms. Pelosi told National Public Radio in an interview that aired Friday morning. “Our members do not accept that.” Which is why they are now in open rebellion against her
Instead, the California Democrat attributes the loss of at least 60 seats to high unemployment and “$100 million of outside, unidentified funding.” and her leadership, or her stupidity....did I just repeat myself?
“Any party that cannot turn (9.5% unemployment) into political gains should hang up the gloves,” she said.....
Among those rooting for Ms. Pelosi to stick around are Republicans, who are giddy Giddy? Really? It makes Republicans excited enough to crap Ecstacy pills and all they have to say is "giddy" at the prospect of reprising in 2012 the attacks they used in the past election cycle Her face wont change, why should our arguments?, tying Democratic incumbents around the country to the liberal from San Francisco. Which is redundant...like saying PIN Number...think about it...
Ms. Pelosi’s reply: Bring it on. “The reason they had to take me down is because I’ve been effective in fighting special interests in Washington, D.C.,” Ms. Pelosi said, citing the health insurance and financial services industries. “I’m effective. They had to take me out. I’m also the most significant attractor to support for the Democrats.” Does she mean to say the Dems lost ONLY 60+ seats because of her?
It's clear liberals don't realize that the voters figured out Democrats were really just a rebound after a 12 year relationship with the GOP that ended badly because they were cheated on. 2009 was when the Dems finally pulled back the curtains revealing the light of day so they could get a good look at who they voted for and realized the Perfect 10 they thought they went home with was really a big fat .
Voters: Ugh, why do I have a bad taste in my mouth?
: Good morning
Voters: AAAHH a talking a**hole!
: Want some breakfast?
Voters: Thisisajustadreamthisisjustadream...wake up...WAKE UP!
: You were SO drunk last night
Voters: YEAH NO KIDDING!....oww my head
: Headache? Here, let me get you some stimulus.
Voters: I don't think that works on headaches
: It does when you take it with ObamaCare, this glass of higher taxes should wash it down.
Voters: Don't tread on me!
: They're also suppositories!
...or something like that....Anyway, we're pulling for you Nancy!Add a comment
Presiding over D.C's Veterans Day ceremony Biden disappointed veterans in attendance didn't bring any sick animals for him to pet.
Having missed both Memorial Day and now Veterans Day military renames AWOL to stand for "Always With Obama Leaving"
Running out of material to print money the Federal Reserve urges Congress to make Monopoly money legal tender .
Amid open rebellion to airport "naked" scanners President Clinton pleads his application to work for the TSA be expedited "before it's too late."Add a comment
The judges will also accept "Rand Paul Turns Spitzer Into Client Number 10."
Even without guys like Rubio and Toomey here is reasons 1, 2, and 3 as to why the United States Senate will be a SIGNIFICANTLY better institution come next year...
Its clear what Spitzer was trying to do. He presented a premise (in this case it was a false one), Paul knocked that premise out of the park. Spitzer then tried to make it stick anyway by reiterating it and making it the last word before moving on to the next point of the discussion, and Paul simply wouldn't let him do it.
This shows what an amateur Spitzer is, Bill O'Reilly is the master of pulling that tactic off. If he wants to work on his television debate chops he should probably watch some (cough)Fox News(cough)....like everyone else.
Good game Idiot-I mean Eliot...by the way nice use of "filibuster," thats a funny kind of word isn't it....must feel weird not using that word as some sort of Client Number 9 euphemism.
h/t iOwnTheWorldAdd a comment
Today is Veterans Day, and I know we throw parades and make sure calendar companies know that this is the day to print "Veterans Day" in size 4 font on their product, but I'm not sure thats enough anymore.
Hollywood is on the edge of starting its awards season, and thinking about that got me thinking that maybe they could let us borrow their red carpets and paparazzi for the Veterans Day parades, they don't need them yet anyway....
Now, you might be thinking, are there enough of both to spread around the entire country? No! So the second part of my proposal is that we have one HUGE parade in one central location, and then we fly in with private jets or drive in with stretch limos (borrowed from Hollywood of course) ALL of the nation's veterans who want to come.
So the country can enjoy the festivities there will be television cameras EVERYWHERE, and Joan Rivers will be there to have her lips smacked off of that "face" of hers every time she asks one of them "who" they are wearing.
You know what...I don't think I want to make our veterans walk down the red carpet either, which for that day should be known as the "parade route." They should stay in their limos. Many of them are very old and very tired, do we really have to force them to walk around a parade if they actually want to be honored by us? I don't think so, not anymore....
Besides, what kind of ostentatious carbon footprint does walking leave? Exactly! None! Its almost as if they don't want us to know the magnitude of their awesomeness.
When the parade is over the after party will be unbelievable. The only thing more gluttonous than the attendees will be the desire to use wastefully everything in sight.
Only the veterans who were in the limo motorcade will be invited. Instead of water the faucets will put out champaigne and the napkin dispensers will have strips of filet mignon. Goodie bags will be filled with pearls so guests can have fun pelting the help.
Speaking of the help, every single one of vets wishes will be their command, and they will be fulfilled yesterday.
The paparazzi will be there, the news media will have wall-to-wall coverage of the who's who of America's defenders, and everyone will be considered A-listers on this day. They'll be adorned with jewels that'll make the federal debt look cheap, shrines will be built in their honor, women will swoon for them, and their hands will fall off by the time they're done giviing autographs (that's when the older vets will learn what eBay is)
When its all over they'll retire to their special Veterans Night harems as their wives patiently await their return in the limos, which will be outside the party, idling....
...You know what...I apologize, I got way too carried away....We should probably just stick to giving these guys local parades and a hearty handshake, we don't need to be making them feel more important than they really are.Add a comment
So the FDA has created 36 new designs for warnings about the dangers of smoking that will cover the top half of cigarette packs. It's all WAY over the top, but they did get really creative with them.
I went ahead and picked out, for lack of a better word, the top 5 designs. Guess which one is my favorite. If you want, leave a comment on which one is yours :-)
In first move back to fiscal conservatism Boehner fly commercially so government can save money on having to disinfect Pelosi's private jet.
Democrats opposing Pelosi's run for minority leader stand accused of being traitors to liberalism's core principle of rewarding failure.
Working title of report from Obama debt reduction commission rumored to be, "Let Them Eat Cake So We Can Tax That Too."Add a comment
Last week I got Obama a little something for the two year anniversary of his election...
iOwnTheWorld shared it with their readers and encouraged well wishers to leave a message. Below are my favorites:
We already wished him well this past Nov. 2nd
For he’s a jolly good fellow,
His pant legs are turning yellow,
His spine is made out of Jell-O,
Which nobody can deny!
(But try, Chris Matthews!)
Which nobody can deny (join in, Katie Couric!), which nobody can deny (now Oprah!)
For he’s a socialist fellow, which the MSM denies.
Happy anniversary, Mr President and thank you We couldn’t have fatally discredited liberalism and the old media without you
Happy Anniversary, Barry! We got you a new Congress!
Happy halfway point of your last term, Comrade Zero.
I flushed TWICE, in hopes my Anniversary Present would reach him faster!
For huge egos.
For huge egos get bigger every day.
For huge egos.
They blow up in the most delightful way.
So fragile and now reeling
With all their cash
They’re in the trash
ObamaCare we’re repealing.
For huge egos.
Thank Heaven for them all
No matter where, no matter who
They pissed off all the voters
Now they’re screwed.
See the rest hereAdd a comment
Ted Rall is a liberal wiener who draws cartoons and practices trying to get through just one impression of Clint Eastwood in the mirror without pissing himself scared. Here is the tough guy in action
He sounds only semi-looney toons in the video, check out a passage from his new book "The Anti-American Manifesto."
Christian fundamentalists, the millennial end-of-theworlders obsessed with the Left Behind series about the End Times, neo-Nazi racists, rural black-helicopter Michigan Militia types cut from the same inbred cloth as Timothy McVeigh, allied with “mainstream” gun nuts and right-wing Republicans, have been planning, preparing, and praying for the destruction of the “Godless,” “secular” United States for decades. In the past, they formed groups like the John Birch Society and the Aryan Nations. Now the hard Right has a postmodern, decentralized non-organization organization called the Tea Party.
Right-wing organizational names change, but they amount to the same thing: the reactionary sociopolitical force—the sole force—poised to fill the vacuum when collapse occurs. The scenario outlined by Margaret Atwood’s prescient novel The Handmaid’s Tale—rednecks in the trenches, hard military men running things, minorities and liberals taken away and massacred, setting the stage for an even more extreme form of laissez-faire corporate capitalism than we’re suffering under today—is a fair guess of how a post-U.S. scenario will play out unless we prepare to turn it in another direction…
A war is coming. At stake: our lives, the planet, freedom, living. The government, the corporations, and the extreme right are prepared to coalesce into an Axis of Evil. Are you going to fight back? Will you do whatever it takes, including taking up arms?…
...Part of the revolution may be fought virtually by hackers. Those individuals are every bit as valauable as people who blow things up.
Here's a reality check for Oscar Meyer
Imagine in your mind this guy egging "revolutionaries" on to "blow things up" while he proposes himself to be the look out. Thank God this tool is just an Osama bin Laden with stage fright who only has a pair until the sharpie ink he used to draw them washes off his crotch.
I just hope the reality of my three points never changes.Add a comment