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A Roasting of Liberals

So iOwnTheWorld is honoring the life of the late comedian Greg Giraldo by conducting a roast (one of the things he was known for doing) of liberals. They made it a contest and the top 20 picks will be selected.

WARNING: There is a little bit of rough language in this post. If you've ever seen a roast on Comedy Central, or wherever, that's how they are. I promise my stuff is WAY more tame than theirs.

Below are my submissions to their contest (you may recognize some of the jokes from other posts...whatever, why reinvent the wheel, eh?):


When Pelosi goes to Disneyland does everyone ask her why she hates dalmatians?

Barack bashes Bush so much he should date Barney Frank

Is it just me or would Biden sound a lot smarter if we surgically fused his mouth to a kazoo?

Hey Alan, you sure your last name isn't short for "Graysonovabitch?"

Isn't it time to change the term "bald faced lies" to "telling a load of Carville's?"

Hey Barack, Halloween is coming up, why don't you dress up as something cool, like, a REAL president

Joy Behar is so unladylike she’s practically Barney Frank’s type

Did anyone hear that ObamaCare was actually part of a wager between Barack and Barney over who can blow a Dem majority faster?

Biden literally has to have shit for brains so the plugs can have something to take root to.

I'm not saying Michael Moore is fat...his ass is...

Harry Reid thinks unemployment leads to spousal abuse, but that wont happen to him because his wife will show mercy

Helen Thomas is really hot, for an ugly bitch

Its interesting that Van Jones thinks the GOP are a bunch of "assholes," because I heard his mouth is registered Republican.

I swear, if John Edwards fathers any more bastard kids we'll have to start calling him "Johnny Crappleseed."

I don't wanna make Barney Frank's mouth water, but if the saying "I am what I eat" is true then Jimmy Carter is what he farms


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Check out the HUNDREDS of other submissions here...below are some of my favorites (some of them I expect to be among the 20 winners):


I’m not saying Harry Reid is old, but if his balls hung any lower he could play hacky sack.

Worst day of my life, I was down at the beach with the Obamas. Michelle was walking away and I accidentally accused her of sitting on my bag of milk duds.

I’d rather be a Conservative nut job, than a liberal with no nuts and no job.

Progressives are such an accident, they needed their own insurance company.

Nancy Pelosi once entered a donkey in a race, and it won. The next day the local newspaper headline reads: Pelosi’s ass best in town.

What do you get when you offer Biden a penny for his thoughts? Change back.

AIDS, Herpes, gonorrhea, Obamacare, which word doesn’t belong?
Answer:
Gonorrhea, there’s is a way to get rid of it.

Obama is so clueless. Walter Mondale had to tell him he was an idiot.

I heard Nancy Pelosi was recently brought into the hospital for horrendous pain in her urinary tract. When asked by the doctor why she refused any medical tests she replied, “I want to pass it before I see what it is.”

Anyone hear about Vice-President Joe Biden’s suicide attempt? Apparently he sat in an enclosed garage with the motor of his Chevy Volt running.


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UPDATE: Check out the winners at Moonbattery.