I write to you today to urge you to reject the Republican's Pledge for America. First off, whats this "for America" garbage? That's not very self-aggrandizing...is it? What gives? Where's the self worship? Did they not learn anything from me? I put the ME in America!
There's also no personality behind it. For crying out loud I made women swoon for CHANGE (they didn't know I actually meant bus fare, but whatever).
That said here are a few reasons you need to reject the Pledge for America.
- First off, it's only 21 pages long, how do you fit change into 21 freakin' pages? My health care bill totally kicks its ass. I swear its like the only thing wimpier in paper than this pledge is that Declaration of Independence
- They want to stop TARP? What the hell is TARP? I thought we called it TARD...
- I think it's really wrong to try to put caps on spending after all government reports have already said I'm going to take the debt to $20 trillion. Think about all of the people who worked hard to prepare those reports....we're going to make liars out of them. (Take it from me, nobody likes a liar)
- Why should laws need constitutional authority? Why should a constitution have anything to do with the laws we write? Furthermore, what is a constitution anyway?
- There's nothing about absorbing terrorist attacks, at least I have a dang sponge.<----(psst!)
- I'm pretty sure they'll get us all killed if they impose harsh sanctions on Iran. Besides, we can't even get a grip on stopping Fox News.
- Do we really have to take 3 days to read a bill? Pssh! It took more time to print my copy of ObamaCare
- Speaking of ObamaCare they'll repeal that over my death paneled body.
So there you have it America. I strongly suggest you consider these reasons, and by "strongly" I mean "don't make me get all Orwell up in here!" (Michelle came up with that one)
President Barack Obama
Oh yeah and God Bless Americcccccaaaaaa...GREAT! I just gacked all over my brand new golf balls. Thanks a lot America!