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Satire Headlines Archive Update January 1-13

Here is the first installment of the 2010 Satire Headlines Archive

OLIVER STONE SAYS DECISION TO PUT HITLER "IN CONTEXT" WAS "BASICALLY HEADS IS HITLER TAILS IS SATAN" - January 13

OBAMA SAYS WHITE HOUSE BLOG SAYING HE HAS MADE AMERICA STRONGER IS MEANT TO BE VIEWED WITH A MIRROR - January 12

WHITE HOUSE SAYS REID'S RACIST REMARKS NOT COMPARABLE TO TRENT LOTT BECAUSE LOTT IS STILL ELECTABLE - January 12

REID SUFFERS ANEURYSM AFTER REPORTER ASKS HIM TO CHOOSE BETWEEN THE COSBY SHOW AND GOOD TIMES - January 11

ATTORNEY FOR UNDERWEAR BOMBER'S ADVISES AGAINST "NOT BOMB JUST HAPPY TO SEE ALLAH'S VIRGINS" DEFENSE - January 11

BLACK CAUCUS ACCEPTS SEN. REID'S APOLOGY, COULD'VE GONE WITHOUT KNOWING ABOUT CRUSH ON QUEEN LATIFAH - January 11

DISASTER AVERTED ON BIDEN TRIP TO VEGAS TO GAMBLE AWAY NATIONAL DEBT, BET ON RED AND BLACK AT SAME TIME - January 8

UPON HEARING "NUDE" SCANNERS CAN MEASURE PENISES BILL CLINTON MAKES TIN FOIL HATS TO WEAR AT AIRPORTS - January 8

OBAMA WARNS SECURITY AGENCIES TO GET IT TOGETHER OR FACE THE WRATH OF A U.N. RESOLUTION - January 7

NEW OBAMA TRANNY CZAR ADMITS KEEPING "MANHOOD" IN JAR TO AVOID "OPPRESSION" WHILE VISITING MID-EAST - January 7

DEMS SAY CSPAN'S CALL FOR CAMERAS AT HEALTH BILL TALKS VIOLATES ANTI-SEX-TAPE-WITH-TAXPAYERS POLICY - January 6

AFTER OBAMA SAYS BOMB ATTEMPT IS "INTELLIGENCE SCREW UP" BIDEN CRIES OUT "WHATS THIS GOTTA DO WITH ME?" - January 6

WHEN ASKED IF COLD SNAP BOTHERS PEOPLE IN DC BIDEN ADMITS "NO WE'RE LIKE REPTILES" NOT THE BEST ANSWER - January 5

CELEBRATION OF OBAMA'S APPOINTMENT OF FIRST EVER "TRANNY" SPARKS OUTRAGE FROM GOP AND JANET RENO - January 5

NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS BANNED AT WHITE HOUSE AFTER BIDEN SAYS HIS IS TO BE MORE "OPEN HONEST AND DIRECT" - January 4

DHS CONTINUES TO OPPOSE TERROR PROFILING OF MUSLIM MEN THAT DON'T BELONG TO RIGHT-WING GROUPS - January 4

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Reid the Race Pimp

Unless you're born under a rock then you know that until last week Harry Reid was sort of a closet racist, but just in case you missed it here is a passage from the new book "Game Change" about the 2008 presidential election...

He was wowed by Obama's oratorical gifts and believed that the country was ready to embrace a black presidential candidate, especially one such as Obama -- a "light-skinned" African American "with no NEGRO dialect, unless he wanted to have one"...

scin·til·la n.

1. A minute amount; an iota or trace.

2. A spark; a flash.

3. The measure of George Will's knowlege of what this word means

Now liberals are circling their wagons around Reid because race isn't a four letter word in the Democratic party (usually because Biden gets to spell it).

Even conservative DC bubbleheads like George Will are going to bat for Reid on George Stephanopoulos's show saying there wasn't even a "scintilla" of evidence of racism.....

Not even a scintilla? Does Will even know the definition of that word? The whole thing is ONLY about race, and it denigrates "real" black....ahem....."negro" people!

Honestly, if that isn't racism then I'm starting to wonder if that word actually has less to do with the color of people's skin and more do do with prefering Nascar over golf. At least then we can try to begin to make sense of George Will, who has obviously been drinking the DC establishment water for way to long now. Being a conservative on any network political program is like being a permanent pledge on the most elite fraternity on campus (in their minds only).

 

Of course what Reid said is loaded with racism! Next to figuring out how to steal other peoples money for themselves all liberals think about is how to be better race pimps....they've been vote counting to it for decades.

Welfare

Social security

Medicare

Universal Health Care

Affirmative Action

But just because someone utters something that smacks of racism does not a racist make, right? Its not like Reid or other Democrats are supporting institutions that oppress, rob liberty, or even enslave the constituents they are marketed to in ways that make them scared to vote for Republicans lest they loose access to the "stash".

Hmmmm...studies have shown that homophobes are really just lashing out in an effort to quell their own latent gay sensibilities.....maybe Reid isn't racist so much as he is trying to....express himself.

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Hey Al Gore, Don't Eat Yellow Snowflakes!

Speaking of BELIEVE remind me to tell you later about how I saw Elvis humming that song with Sonny Bono at last weeks Tupac concert

Its hard to imagine what actually went on at the Climate Summit in Copenhagen when you consider fewer of us BELIEVE in it. In fact...its support has been slipping for a while.

I'm not really sure how something like this could happen.....

Maybe its the fishy science behind it.

Or the science behind it that seems kind of fishy.

Or maybe its the Climategate emails revealing collusion to doctor the research in ways that would make Milli Vanilli's Grammy blush.

Or maybe its the desire to hold the climate summit at the same time as the Copenhagen Private Jet show.

Or maybe it's that the world is FREEZING right now and maybe there shouldn't be record lows when the world is supposedly getting warmer.

That said, each "snowflake" represents a headline in the news about how the country is getting colder than the Clintons on date night. Give them a peak and watch Al Gore try to eat his words.


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Harry Reid Breaks Silence On Democrats New Years Resolution



Democrats new years resolution to not spew crap Add a comment

Satire Headlines Archive Update December 22-31

The following are now posted in the Satire Headlines Archive for 2009

ATTORNEY FOR UNDERWEAR BOMBER'S ADVISES AGAINST "NOT BOMB JUST HAPPY TO SEE ALLAH'S VIRGINS" DEFENSE - December 31

NEW POLL FINDS OBAMA LESS POPULAR THAN MICHELLE, HILLARY, WATERBOARDING, HELL - December 30

OBAMA DEFLECTS QUESTION ABOUT CALLING MUSLIM TERRORISTS "VIOLENT EXTREMISTS" BY WISHING AMERICA A NEW YEAR - December 30

ECONOMISTS TELL BIDEN URANIUM THAT IS "ENRICHED" DOESN'T MEAN IT HAS LOTS OF MONEY THAT CAN BE TAXED - December 29

OBAMA PROPOSES TESTICLE KICKING CONTEST TO SETTLE WAR ON TERROR, OFFERS TO LET AL QAEDA GO FIRST - December 28

IRAN TELLS OBAMA HIS SPEECHES INSPIRE THEM TO STOP VIOLENCE, NUKES, AND "HAHA JUST KIDDING YOU'RE WEAK" - December 28

OBAMA ORDERS REVIEW OF FLIGHT SCREENING PROCEDURES TO SEE HOW THEY CAN IMPROVE HIS CZAR VETTING PROCESS - December 28

OBAMA LAUNCHES CHRISTMAS INVESTIGATION WHEN GIFT FROM SECRET SANTA IS WRAPPED WITH US BIRTH CERTIFICATES - December 23

DEMS OFFER TO KILL HEALTH BILL REJECTED BY GOP, COULD FIND NO TAKERS TO JUDGE PELOSI-REID BIKINI CONTEST - December 23

IN PREPARATION OF HEALTH CARE VOTE COSTUME COMPANY AFFIRMS NO "MIX UP" IN SENDING SEN. REID MRS. CLAUSE SUIT - December 22

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New Poem: The Haiku About Harry Reid

The latest addition to Poetry....

Harry Reid would win
Miss Universe before a
Reelection bid

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