Here are the latest additions to the Satire Headlines Archive (starting with the most recent):
COLLEGE STUDENT CLAIMS SSN WAS STOLEN AS IRS SAYS SHE OWES BACK TAXES ON EARNINGS FROM BEING U.S PRESIDENT - May 14
ATTORNEY GENERAL ANNOUNCES PLAN TO FILE A LAWSUIT CHALLENGING THE CONSTITUTIONALITY OF THE U.S. CONSTITUTION - May 14
KAGEN INFORMS A DEJECTED BIDEN THE GAYDAR HE BOUGHT TO USE ON HER IS JUST A REMOTE FOR XBOX - May 13
PELOSI GIVES EMOTIONAL FAREWELL TO DC COLLEAGUES AS HER FACE PREPARES FOR ANNUAL SUMMER HIBERNATION - May 13
OBAMA ORDERS HALT TO CLEANING OF GULF OIL SLICK, DECLARES WATERS PROTECTED FOR LIBERAL BAPTISMS - May 12
OBAMA "LESS IS MORE" IN MEDIA SPEECH REPORTLY GIVEN WITH TELEPROMPTERS IN THE SHAPE OF KETTLES - May 11
CATHOLIC BISHOPS TELL DEMS PENANCE FOR SUPPORTING ABORTION IS 7 OUR FATHERS 3 HAIL MARY'S AND 294 RESIGN NOW'S - May 11
OBAMA SCOTUS PICK KAGEN SAYS SHE MAKES UP FOR A LACK OF EXPERIENCE ON THE BENCH WITH AN EXPERTISE IN CHAIRS - May 10
ALCOHOL MAKERS LOBBY TO LOWER DRINKING AGE TO 16 TO MAKE UP FOR SALES LOST FROM TED KENNEDY'S DEATH - May 10Add a comment
There is an important creed that Attorney General Eric Holder and his boss, President Obama, live by...
"It is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you will not be imperiled in a hundred battles; if you do not know your enemies but do know yourself, you will win one and lose one; if you do not know your enemies nor yourself, you will be imperiled in every single battle."
Oh wait, that's not it, maybe this one?
"The greatest ignorance is to reject something you know nothing about."
-H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Play both videos at the same time if you want to hear stupid in stereo.Add a comment
Is she or isn't she? Ever since the Wall Street Journal published a photo of Supreme Court Justice in waiting Elena Kagan playing softball everyone has wanted to know which team she bats for.
Why is it these kinds of fights only really get picked by the left? Aren't we supposed to be adults here? Why when Democrats are in power must there always be an air of immaturity.
That said, lets raise the bar a little higher here and lament on the fact that this wouldn't be an issue if gaydars actually existed.
Hey! Obama could keep Biden busy and out of his hair by naming him his Gaydar Czar!
If at first you don't succeed...
Ever since its full scale assault on interrogation tactics such as waterboarding, the Obama Administration announced a while ago that it would form an elite interrogation unit for high value terrorists in captivity. This has left me wondering what type of person they would look for to be in the unit, and what the methods they would employ might be....
Nice to see the good former congressman taking his lemons and making tickled lemonade.
If you don't know or remember the Elmo reference then click here and you're welcome.Add a comment
I never even heard of this show "Undercover Boss" until this morning, but I heard this story about a man named Igor from Kazakhstan working for a 7-11 and was so pleasantly amazed by his story that its too good to not share...
If you wanted to measure Igor's patriotism by the amount of hair he has on his head, he would be more American than all of Washington DC combined. If "comprehensive immigration reform" included injecting this guys spirit into all immigrants, legal and otherwise, I would fight for amnesty, like, tomorrow.Add a comment
Too much media is bad?
Um, no shit Sherlock
This highlights precisely why Obama was so slow to react to the gulf oil slick. He would run the risk of slipping and falling on his
butt head butt-head.
Can you imagine how badly he would smoke these guys if he didn't choose a career in politics? Maybe when he's voted out in a couple of years he'll become the "Tiger Woods" of this sport and send the white bred pasties in the video packing.
All kidding aside, its fun to watch, you have to move your legs REALLY fast to get even two steps into the water, let alone the distance these guys pull off.
To the Obama supporters who are concerned that "all kidding aside" meant I was joking about the notion that Obama walks on water, I'm sorry if I scared you...but consider this your come to Jesus moment.
Maybe this is a reason why Mayor Bloomberg thought an ObamaCare opponent could've been behind the NYC Times Square Bombing attempt....
I know there are a lot of these out there, so I guess its worth mentioning that I authored this one. Maybe I'll do more, this one was kind of fun.Add a comment
This is hilarious and very sharp to the point. It appears to originate from IMAO...and they offer this in as a t-shirt, which can be ordered by clicking here if you're interested in economic stimulus that precludes higher Obama debt.
I think I'll look into coming up with a list of my own...Add a comment
At the end of last month the Los Angeles Times reported on yet another display of Al Gore telegraphing how not sorry he must be in failing to steal the 2000 presidential election.
Former Vice President Al Gore and his wife, Tipper, have added a Montecito-area property to their real estate holdings, reports the Montecito Journal.
The couple spent $8,875,000 on an ocean-view villa on 1.5 acres with a swimming pool, spa and fountains, a real estate source familiar with the deal confirms. The Italian-style house has six fireplaces, five bedrooms and nine bathrooms.
Clearly the cooler weather and Climategate emails are threatening his relevancy so its time to do his part and play catchup by buying yet another mansion.
If Al Gore gets any richer we'll have to call him a Country Club Republican for the principle of it.
Hey, I don't begrudge him having a nice expensive, energy and resource guzzling house if he's willing and able to pay for it.
I just don't appreciate him and the other Marie Antoinettes playing Chicken Little with global warming telling me what I need to do to reduce my "carbon footprint" on the environment. I mean, God forbid my Toyota Corolla get in the way of Al Gore's face-time with his private jet.
Little did I realize they actually tell us the sky is falling because they want more of everything for themselves. We don't need emails from phony scientists blowing the lid on global warming, we just need to watch how Al Gore lives his life!
If we need to truly modify our lifestyles to bring salvation to our ecosystem then surely Mother Nature's main squeeze would want to lead by example right?
Gore should live it all up while he can, with each passing day the global warming scam has been getting picked on like a scab on a hungry vampire, and before Gore knows it he'll have to move into a place much more fitting for the likes of scum like him.
See some shots of the Inconvenient Palace in question courtesy of Newsbusters here.
Thanks to Mr_Moonlight from Free Republic for creating this addition to the dog house.
Add a comment
Senator Al Franken...boy oh boy I don't know which gets insulted more, the burden of him carrying the title of "Senator," or the institution of the United States Senate for having to accept him...I would call him a former comedian, but then I would have to acknowledge that he was a comedian in the first place, and I have a problem with that because
One thing is for sure, his career change has been a blessing to anything that needs "funny" to survive.
I know what liberals are thinking.....He wrote and performed on Saturday Night Live for many years and won Emmy's for his work and I have the nerve to say he isn't funny?!? Of course he's funny!
Why do I pick on this clown? Recently as the Senate has been debating financial regulation deform Al Franken offered a sage-like contribution to this important discussion...
As someone who goes by the handle jhamm999 on YouTube says - "as a senator franken (sic) makes a good comedian"
I guess you had to be there huh Senator?
Now shhhhh...adults are talking.
That money well spent only costs us about $174,000 every year. Thanks Minnesota.Add a comment
Here are the latest additions to the Headlines Archive, I'm going to change things up and posts these updates at the end of every week, that way the headlines posted are a little more fresh and topical than waiting every two weeks.
DEMS SAY OPPOSITION TO ARIZONA IMMIGRATION BILL UNDERESTIMATED AS POLLS DON'T COUNT THE VOICES IN THEIR HEADS - May 7
NEWS MEDIA BEFUDDLED BY POLL SHOWING CONSERVATIVES DON'T HATE GULF COAST NOW THAT IT IS BLACK - May 6
NYC BOMBER ALLOWED ON PLANE DESPITE BEING ON NO-FLY LIST BECAUSE DHS ONLY CHECKS IT WHEN PIGS FLY - May 5
STRESSFUL WEEK LEAVES BIDEN AS ACTING PRESIDENT WHILE OBAMA RECOVERS FROM NICOTINE COMA - May 5
NYC BOMBER DENIES, RESENTS, MEDIA ACCUSATIONS OF EVILDOING, HAS NEVER EVEN BEEN TO A TEA PARTY - May 4
FOLLOWING NYC BOMB ATTEMPT NAPOLITANO ISSUES STATEMENT ASSURING "THE DEPARTMENT OF DSH IS NOT INCOMPETENT" - May 3
FOLLOWING UN SPEECH OBAMA INVITES AHMADINEJAD TO HEADLINE NEXT YEARS WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENTS DINNER - May 3Add a comment
The word reform has been over used and definitely abused.....health care reform, financial reform, immigration reform....the dictionary definition of "reform" does note that it is to change something to an improved state, improved being the operative word...
And, above all, I will ask you to join in the work of remaking this nation
Obama's acceptance speech
We're working to remake America
After his first 100 days.
No reform...just remaking.
Well, I want to see reform of reform....more specifically, American reform...
I'm more than willing to compromise on this and accept a constitutional amendment that re-categorizes any effort by the government to affect change on anything as deform so we can at least get an honest assessment of what is going on in the world today.Add a comment
Ears to hear a rational way to see
the problems of society
Are clouded by race baiting
Power hungry satiating
Who shed crocodile tears
For downtrodden plight
And provoking "civil rights" fights
by and for people who
Are NOT civil
Are NOT right
The winners are
race baiters who hate our system
and use it to strive
for vote buys
that abide by
their goal of supply side marxism
that markets to the needy
for these power greedy
Using May Day
we want it OUR way
SI SE PUEDE
It never dawns on these pawns
to see that their "leaders" look at them and say
Who is "WE"
There is only enough room on this throne for
Maybe May Day
but its mayday for the idea of
The identity and motivation of the almost-was NYC bomber was breaking news to the mainstream media...rational American's had already moved on from that mystery, oh, say, 9 years before the bomb was even planted.
Here is the video of Mayor Bloomberg saying what was mentioned in the previous post about his indirect insinuation that a Tea Party member could have been the one motivated to execute the Time Square attempted bombing.
Some people say he was trying to be politically correct. I don't know what he was thinking, but I'm willing to guess that maybe he was telegraphing that he didn't actually believe what he was saying because he only bet 25 cents on it!
Can you imagine what the odds on that would be if he was right? He could probably give away all of his pre-winnings money and still be a billionaire.
The hope and expectation of these blithering idiots in the media that "this time" will be different is so nauseatingly, outrageously, ridiculously....you know what....I actually can't find an adjective adequate enough satisfy a description of how stupid these people are. Its hard to believe these people are smart enough to even read their teleprompters.
Obviously we know now that this guy is certainly NOT ticked off about ObamaCare, Mr. Mayor, only overpaid brainless oxygen wasters thought this was possible.
He probably also went all the way to Pakistan to teach himself without any help whatsoever how to make the bomb he planted.........right guys........right?
Where did these crickets come from?
Add a comment
Janet Napolitano is asked point blank if the terrorism by Steve Doocy on the May 3 edition of Fox and Friends:
Uh well it certainly is something that I would not rule out. The way it was carried out .....until we know the perpetrator...you don't know the derivation you don't know the intent......
When pressed again by Doocy about whether or not this is terroism she says
We do know if that if the explosions had been properly done and ignited that would've been quite a fireball in that particular area, it was not properly done, it was not effective, and one of the very significant things that occured here was that street vendors noticed this truck....
The Fox gang then changed the subject the Arizona illegal immigration debate before Napolitano could breakout her keys to dangle them in front of the camera like we're a bunch of infants.
Its not hard to understand Napolitano's reluctance to say the word "terrorism." She's part of an administration that has tried to rewrite, among other things, geo-political reality ever since it has taken office. As a result they have clearly opted to start referring to Muslims who want to maim and murder innocent people the world over as "violent extremists."
I can't read Obama's mind, because I'm just not brave enough to explore the bottomless pit of liberal intellect, but I can hazard a guess that he thinks if he doesn't call them what they have been known as they'll cease to be that very thing he knows we think we know them to be. So if only we did less knowing and more thinking we wouldn't know what to think and they'll think we now know better and they'll know to think better of us too. Then we can live in a world where "know thy enemy" is changed via hope to "no thy enemy," leaving our diplomats to begin tackling the phenomenon known as "frenemies."
I think that clears it up.
We have yet to actually learn much of anything about this Faisal Shahzad character, but his common denominator with the the rest of the terrorism species could not be more obvious....unless you suffer an affliction known as "electedpoliticianitis"....
“If I had to guess 25 cents, this would be exactly that, somebody who’s homegrown, maybe a mentally deranged person or someone with a political agenda that doesn’t like the health care bill or something, it could be anything...”
If I had to live in New York City with this guy as my mayor I would move right away to somewhere safer....
Look, I sympathize with Obama, terrorism is vewy scawy...and its unpredictable and maybe someone should've leveled with him when he was a very little kid that hiding your face when adults approach you doesn't mean they can't see you.
By continuing to insist on taking a softened stance against this clear and present evil in the world we not only embolden it, but we make ourselves completely vulnerable to its attempts to destroy us. Reducing radical Islamic terrorists to the label of "violent extremism" makes who these people are and what they do more ambiguous than the masculinity of a certain person below, and for their protection I wont say who...
I don't know what is more frightening....that we are now in the throes of a modern day appeasement movement, or that even though it has been clearly identified we wont make it to the next election to displace it.
You can see the Fox and Friends video here, Napolitano's response in question starts at around 1:40.Add a comment
Here are the latest additions to the Headlines Archive
OBAMA PROPOSES DEVELOPMENT OF NEW ATM CARD THAT GIVES YOU MONEY BY SWIPING IT UP RICH PEOPLES BUTTS - April 30
PSYCHICS SAY GROWING GULF OIL SPILL SPEAKS TO THEM, SAYS "LOOK AT ME I'M THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT" - April 30
EPA CONTINUES TO INSIST OIL SPILL IN GULF IS FROM BP WELL AND NOT A DNC SNORKELING PARTY - April 29
OBAMA SAYS REASON FOR CONSTANT TRAVEL AROUND COUNTRY IS TO DOUBLE CHECK THAT THERE ARE 57 STATES - April 28
OBAMA RESCINDS GIDDY APPROVAL TO PURSUE A TAX ON IRAN AFTER REALIZING HIS GENERALS SAID "ATTACKS" - April 27
TEA PARTY INFILTRATES ARIZONA ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION PROTESTS IN EFFORT TO SABOTAGE THEM WITH CIVILITY - April 27
NEW DOCUMENTARY SET TO BE RELEASED ON THE BLOATING OF THE WELFARE STATE CALLED "SUPER-SUBSIDIZE ME" - April 26
ASKED HOW ARIZONA IMMIGRATION LAW IS "MISGUIDED" IF IT MOVES IN RIGHT DIRECTION NAPOLITANO SAYS "EXACTLY" - April 26
OBAMA FIRES TELEPROMPTER FOR SLIPPING INTO IMMIGRATION SPEECH HOW ARIZONA LAW HITS CLOSE TO "HOME" - April 23
OBAMA ORDERS BIDEN TO STOP CALLING ENVIRONMENTALISTS A BUNCH OF CRAZY "EARTHERS" - April 23
EARTH DAY EVENT MARRED WHEN OBAMA SEES "HAPPY EARTH DAY" BANNER AND POINTS OUT HIS NAME ISN'T EARTH - April 22
VOWING TO GET HIGHER RATINGS THAN KEITH OLBERMANN MSNBC GRANTS A SHOW TO HIS EGO - April 22
GOVERNMENT TO EXPECT A BRIGHTER JOBS PICTURE AFTER CNN ANNOUNCES HELP WANTED ADS TO HIRE VIEWERS - April 21
DEMOCRATS CELEBRATE GM PAYING OFF BAILOUT, LOOK FORWARD TO REFOCUSING COLLECTION EFFORTS ON ITS PROFITS - April 21
PEW POLL FINDS 4 IN 5 DON'T TRUST FEDERAL GOVERNMENT WHILE 1 IN 5 ANSWERED THE QUESTION INCORRECTLY - April 20
GOP DISAPPOINTED THAT FDA DRIVE TO REDUCE HEART ATTACKS DEALS WITH SALT INTAKE, NOT LIBERAL POLICIES - April 20
BIDEN SUSPECTED OF SPYING ON TEA PARTY RALLY WHEN A DISGUISED MAN IS SPOTTED CLAIMING TO BE DRUNK ON TEA - April 19
BIDEN SADDENED TO LEARN U.N. WILL NOT HOLD CONTEST TO RENAME VOLCANO BLASTED ICELAND - April 19
ENVIRONMENTALISTS HAIL REDUCTION OF AIR TRAVEL'S CARBON FOOTPRINT AS SILVER LINING OF VOLCANO ERUPTION - April 16
HUMBLED BY ICELAND VOLCANO AL GORE SAYS HIS RHETORIC CAN'T COMPETE WITH MOTHER NATURE'S CARBON EMISSIONS - April 16Add a comment
Nancy Pelosi recently graced the cover of a some socialite rag titled Capitol File. There is something glaring about the cover that kind of goes without saying...so I'm not going to say it (you'll figure it out from my captions). Rollover the numbers to see my captions and add your two cents in the comments.